I've been digging through my brain, heart and soul searching for an answer. It's an answer that perhaps most, if not all, of my fellow Christian friends have in mind now -- why can't I stay committed to fellowship in a church? The answer hit but it disturbs me.
I don't feel spiritually challenged. Before you get your stakes, crucifixes, holy oil and bibles ready, hear me out here. I was born and raised in a Christian environment all of my life. I was even held back from getting baptized at 12 and got baptized at 13 instead. My first challenge was getting baptized. We preach about Jesus coming soon but we slow down people from making the ultimate act of commitment? New Testament depicts many times that people that wish to follow Christ repented and got baptized (almost every time the very same day). I finally got baptized...twice. How? The first time, my face wasn't fully in. The second time, they thought I was going to drown when in reality, I was all in (and using the bathroom in the process).
Then came the fasting and prayers, the whole run about spiritual gifts and ministry. Within all of that, I pursued singing, playing guitar, poetry and writing were not far behind. I found myself starting a band back in 2001. I've preached in many churches, laid hands on people, seen blind people receive sight and have played in street parks like McCarren, played at Riker's Island, played before CCC's Senior Pastor A.R. Bernard himself back in 2005 when I was still green when it came to music itself. I've played in youth conferences, clubs, lounges and bars with all intent and purpose with bringing good music to everyone and just shining the light of goodness.
Where do you go from there? Apparently nowhere. All the hype about ministry is just that -- hype. They paint you this gigantic glorious picture and everything behind is, in fact, beautiful. The ugly side? Politics. The way Christians treat politics is every bit identical to show business. They see you, a potentially great vessel for God to use. They tell you to do all these things so that you can be used by God awesomely and have open doors everywhere. You do what's asked for "God's glory". In reality, you're told that's what it is but in reality, you're doing it to get noticed, to get famous in the church. They build you up and take you everywhere, sitting with pastors, bishops, apostles, ministers, chaplains and other musicians and preachers. Once you've sat among them and led on, you cannot stop. The second you decide to take time to put in order your personal life (since it's likely out of whack due to your excess time spent in ministry), guess what? They're looking for the next person to put in the gear! When you finally get back in, they don't look out for you anymore. You're not holy enough anymore. You're told of this "next level" of ministry that you're supposed to be in. It's like a carrot dangled in your face.
Then you turn around and realized that what God really wants you to do is be like his son Jesus -- reaching out to the alien, the fatherless and the widow. To show the love of Christ to a homeless person who got served unjustly after decades of slaving away for a living, to demonstrate to someone that may not share the same faith and lifestyle that unconditional godly love is real. Jesus spent his time, even ministry time, with thieves, sluts, tax collectors and liars. You would think that in leaving the pulpit, the stage and elite groups that you would be respected, honored and held in high esteem. Talk about delusional.
You are viewed as a backslider and corrupt when you don't see it their way. When you find out that music genre doesn't translate into lifestyle, that your apparel preference doesn't change your spiritual level at all and that being around non-believers with the intent of showing them unconditional love they may not always experience as a point of reference to Someone greater than themselves and this world doesn't affect you at all -- except your social status among your "Christian superiors".
You're now the traitor, the backslider, the hypocrite, the tainted cup, the heathen and told to youth in other churches that you're the wolf in sheep's clothing, seeking to lead them astray. As a result, you no longer want any part of those people because they now have unmasked themselves for the Pharisees they are -- false Christians. They treat their faith and congregations no different than cults, fraternities, sororities and cliques.
When you want to see what can you do when you want to re-congregate and see if you can experience spiritual harmony among them, you're no different than the next person that just became a believer/witness. You're not even remembered.You're a fragment of their memory. They have you sit and listen to everything you preached (and then some) for years as though you know nothing. You're not interested in square one. You're too old for milk or even potatoes. You're there to pick up here you left off. In frustration, sitting through meetings, studies and events, you leave in despair because you know that you will never be one of them ever again. Once an Outcast, always an outcast.
Blogs by Ron Gunz
4.30.2013
4.29.2013
Greedy for Riches, where evil starts.
There's been a lot of talk lately about what causes violence, injustice, wrongdoing and evil. Some would say vanity, pride, lust, substance addiction among many things. Let's be honest with ourselves though, what is the root of evil's essence?
My best friend would say theft because the reason a lot of things are done can be due to being robbed of something -- dignity, a job, wife, husband, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, possessions like a house, car, phone, wallet or even a smart device. A good observation and guess but even before theft, there has to be a leading motive.
What's the one thing people are always hollering for in order to have stability and control in life? Money. Now, money itself isn't wrong. It gives you access to a lot of things you could possibly want -- a license for vending practice, pay bills, get a phone, buy a new house, rent a new apartment, buy the next piece of gear for guitar. How about love for money? Now that is all sorts of evil. It opens the door to this little thing called greed.
What does greed do? It makes you want everything you can get your hands on with all intents and purposes being self-centered. Lucifer was greedy for glory, as though being God's favorite angel, even above Michael, wasn't enough. He wanted God's throne. He was greedy for glory. He'd be damned if he didn't equal himself to the Most High.
Even then, for greed to live in a person, there is yet another element that already took root in a person's soul -- pride and lust. Lust is an unhealthy desire for something, sometimes to the extent of personal enticement. You can lust for power, sex, money and fame. Greed is the element that says, "I want this so bad but just for me". Pride. Oh, how all that crave and desire is all about your ego, your needs and wants.
What do you get when you mix lust, pride and greed? "Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.", as the Devil says in The Devil's Advocate. Vanity is the creation of self-delusion that your self-centered, thoughts, wants and desires are the center of the universe and that you are unmatched, unrivaled and unequaled. There are people out there that are consumed by this disgusting thing. This quality, when welcomed by people, can become a beast that has an unquenchable thirst. It will drive you blind, delusional, mad and if left to its devices, it will certainly drive you to your death.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Paul, Philippians 4.8 ESV
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." - Paul, Galatians 5.22-23 ESV
Regardless if you, the reader and I have an agreement in spiritual or religious views, one thing is certain -- if we are to put evil out and welcome goodness in life, I believe what the Apostle Paul speaks of is something worthy to be taken into account.
My best friend would say theft because the reason a lot of things are done can be due to being robbed of something -- dignity, a job, wife, husband, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, possessions like a house, car, phone, wallet or even a smart device. A good observation and guess but even before theft, there has to be a leading motive.
What's the one thing people are always hollering for in order to have stability and control in life? Money. Now, money itself isn't wrong. It gives you access to a lot of things you could possibly want -- a license for vending practice, pay bills, get a phone, buy a new house, rent a new apartment, buy the next piece of gear for guitar. How about love for money? Now that is all sorts of evil. It opens the door to this little thing called greed.
What does greed do? It makes you want everything you can get your hands on with all intents and purposes being self-centered. Lucifer was greedy for glory, as though being God's favorite angel, even above Michael, wasn't enough. He wanted God's throne. He was greedy for glory. He'd be damned if he didn't equal himself to the Most High.
Even then, for greed to live in a person, there is yet another element that already took root in a person's soul -- pride and lust. Lust is an unhealthy desire for something, sometimes to the extent of personal enticement. You can lust for power, sex, money and fame. Greed is the element that says, "I want this so bad but just for me". Pride. Oh, how all that crave and desire is all about your ego, your needs and wants.
What do you get when you mix lust, pride and greed? "Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.", as the Devil says in The Devil's Advocate. Vanity is the creation of self-delusion that your self-centered, thoughts, wants and desires are the center of the universe and that you are unmatched, unrivaled and unequaled. There are people out there that are consumed by this disgusting thing. This quality, when welcomed by people, can become a beast that has an unquenchable thirst. It will drive you blind, delusional, mad and if left to its devices, it will certainly drive you to your death.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Paul, Philippians 4.8 ESV
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." - Paul, Galatians 5.22-23 ESV
Regardless if you, the reader and I have an agreement in spiritual or religious views, one thing is certain -- if we are to put evil out and welcome goodness in life, I believe what the Apostle Paul speaks of is something worthy to be taken into account.
4.18.2013
Pursuing my real goals
For a long time, I've been sinking my teeth in retail and fitness with doing writing and music on the side. I even got the retail job every musician would think rocks and to a degree it is great because you meet fellow musicians and in the process crank up your knowledge with musical equipment and instruments. I enjoyed working in a fitness environment because you also learned better things when working out in the process and also unlearning bad fitness habits.
Lately, though, I feel as though I have been neglecting where my passion and energy should be zoned in on...art and music. I'll be blunt -- nothing would please me more than to make a living drawing, airbrushing, tagging and making music. Seeing my books sell would be even more awesome and yet I have been neglecting my talent the energy and power it deserves to be nurtured with.
I guess the question or questions I am asking are
1. Are you focused on what you truly desire to do with your life?
2. Has it hit you yet the reality that you've focused so much making money on something you're not truly passionate about?
4.14.2013
Sound in guitars! The factors touching your tone! Pt. 2
Last time, I spoke about how your sound scheme when playing guitar (at least mine) relies partially on the kind of wood the guitar is made of. This time, I'm going to go into strings.
At my job, I sometimes hear from the average newcomer to the world of guitar and bass that they never knew there was a difference between one brand of strings or the other. Thankfully, with experience and knowledge, I was able to endow upon them some good knowledge on how they can be different and how they can heighten a particular aspect of a guitar/bass' sound or alter things in something as simple as tone.
As far as material goes, for electric bass and electric guitar, once upon a time, by and large most electric guitar and bass strings were mainly nickel-wound steel. Naturally, this would give you a standard range of brightness. Brands like Ernie Ball, Fender, Daddario, Dunlop and GHS to name a few. Here's my experience with some Nickelwound strings I've used.
Daddario - the label says bright but for me they come off pretty neutral and let your guitar's natural tone sit right there. I also see them as "the gateway drug" of guitar strings. Fav sets were the Blues/Jazz Rock.
Dunlop - these strings have a tone that borders between mellow and dark. When I used the Zakk Wylde set on my Axstar years ago, it definitely gave it an extra pump on the bass and a slight punch on the mids. The Heavycore series are pretty good too.
Ernie Ball - There's a reason why I have been a faithful whore to Ernie Ball. Their durability certainly beats out Daddario and Fender. On top of that, they have a great feel and everything sounds very even and clear. It stands right in between bright and mellow. Fav sets consist of Hybrid Slinky and Skinny Top Heavy Bottom.
Fender - You thought your Strat or Tele were bright before, these make it a little brighter. Seems to bring up the treble and mids a tad. The Bullet series has a tiny bullet-looking end instead of the usual ball end.
GHS - There's something about GHS' line of strings that make me feel like they have some of DR's string feel but Dunlop's tone and durability. Out of this brand, my favorites were Zakk Wylde's Heavyweight Boomers.
In addition, you also have theline of strings that have coating. The first brand coming to mind obviously is Elixir. Sure enough, you get a brand like DR, followed by Cleartone.
Elixir - Endures like God but not keen on its tone. They sound sort of bland, lack brightness but also lacking some sort of mellow element.
DR - Black Beauties are the one everyone recognizes but if you remember when they started offering the coated strings, you may have recalled the Red Devils and the Silver Stars. With my old Squier bass, Red Devils gave it a nice punch for latin and funk music. They endure for a good while and possessing sound tone. On guitar, it gave my Strat a nice Hendrix tone. The Silver Stars gave my old PRS SE Custom 22 a good balanced tone.
Cleartone - They possess a nice grip when it comes to feel. They barely feel coated while having a nice balanced tone. I can honestly say after putting their Monster gauged strings on my Sinbiote, I can claim that they can rival Ernie Ball, even GHS. I currently use their Hybrid on my Axstar and thus far, as balanced as can be. It brought out some of the brightness the Axstar lacked.
It doesn't end with nickelwound or even coatings, much to my surprise. Daddario and a Jazz Swing brand decided to have the grand idea of Flatwound strings. What this meant was that you would surely get a mellow and dark tone while also having a more slick and flat feel. I haven't bothered with either because I like to take control of my tone to a degree but consider this -- if you want that smoother and softer feel and want to add more mellow tone to your guitar, go for it. IF you want to mellow a Fender/Squier guitar out, this could be your ticket.
There's also chrome. Not only did Daddario pull off the whole Flatwound thing on their line but made them chrome in the process. They look shinier but certain sound mellow due to the flatwound nature of the Chrome series. I wonder what they would sound like if they were roundwound instead.
Ernie Ball then had the grand idea of finally having a set of coated strings but not before changing the string material as well. They went ahead with making these strings out of titanium. You know for sure they have a thick and tough durability about them and the tone leaning towards mellow while still clear as can be.
DR also released their Pure Nickel series. Some people go for them for a clean and decently bright tone. Given my sensitivity with nickel, I steer clear from these.
Then it happened. Cobalt. Ernie Ball couldn't possibly get crazier. They have a line of their strings made with cobalt steel. I am currently using their Cobalt Skinny Top Heavy Bottom on my PRS Tremonti SE and let me tell you -- while the guitar naturally has strong mids and pretty neutral and balanced on Treble and Bass but these strings skyrocket your Mid frequency. There will not be any lack of presence in your sound and you definitely will find yourself needing to turn your volume down! They are powerful but a word of caution -- the strings feel tough. Granted, the STHB strings are 10-52 but they feel like regular Power or Not Even Slinky strings.
Stay tuned to Part IIB, where I discuss strings for acoustic instruments.
At my job, I sometimes hear from the average newcomer to the world of guitar and bass that they never knew there was a difference between one brand of strings or the other. Thankfully, with experience and knowledge, I was able to endow upon them some good knowledge on how they can be different and how they can heighten a particular aspect of a guitar/bass' sound or alter things in something as simple as tone.
As far as material goes, for electric bass and electric guitar, once upon a time, by and large most electric guitar and bass strings were mainly nickel-wound steel. Naturally, this would give you a standard range of brightness. Brands like Ernie Ball, Fender, Daddario, Dunlop and GHS to name a few. Here's my experience with some Nickelwound strings I've used.
Daddario - the label says bright but for me they come off pretty neutral and let your guitar's natural tone sit right there. I also see them as "the gateway drug" of guitar strings. Fav sets were the Blues/Jazz Rock.
Dunlop - these strings have a tone that borders between mellow and dark. When I used the Zakk Wylde set on my Axstar years ago, it definitely gave it an extra pump on the bass and a slight punch on the mids. The Heavycore series are pretty good too.
Ernie Ball - There's a reason why I have been a faithful whore to Ernie Ball. Their durability certainly beats out Daddario and Fender. On top of that, they have a great feel and everything sounds very even and clear. It stands right in between bright and mellow. Fav sets consist of Hybrid Slinky and Skinny Top Heavy Bottom.
Fender - You thought your Strat or Tele were bright before, these make it a little brighter. Seems to bring up the treble and mids a tad. The Bullet series has a tiny bullet-looking end instead of the usual ball end.
GHS - There's something about GHS' line of strings that make me feel like they have some of DR's string feel but Dunlop's tone and durability. Out of this brand, my favorites were Zakk Wylde's Heavyweight Boomers.
In addition, you also have theline of strings that have coating. The first brand coming to mind obviously is Elixir. Sure enough, you get a brand like DR, followed by Cleartone.
Elixir - Endures like God but not keen on its tone. They sound sort of bland, lack brightness but also lacking some sort of mellow element.
DR - Black Beauties are the one everyone recognizes but if you remember when they started offering the coated strings, you may have recalled the Red Devils and the Silver Stars. With my old Squier bass, Red Devils gave it a nice punch for latin and funk music. They endure for a good while and possessing sound tone. On guitar, it gave my Strat a nice Hendrix tone. The Silver Stars gave my old PRS SE Custom 22 a good balanced tone.
Cleartone - They possess a nice grip when it comes to feel. They barely feel coated while having a nice balanced tone. I can honestly say after putting their Monster gauged strings on my Sinbiote, I can claim that they can rival Ernie Ball, even GHS. I currently use their Hybrid on my Axstar and thus far, as balanced as can be. It brought out some of the brightness the Axstar lacked.
It doesn't end with nickelwound or even coatings, much to my surprise. Daddario and a Jazz Swing brand decided to have the grand idea of Flatwound strings. What this meant was that you would surely get a mellow and dark tone while also having a more slick and flat feel. I haven't bothered with either because I like to take control of my tone to a degree but consider this -- if you want that smoother and softer feel and want to add more mellow tone to your guitar, go for it. IF you want to mellow a Fender/Squier guitar out, this could be your ticket.
There's also chrome. Not only did Daddario pull off the whole Flatwound thing on their line but made them chrome in the process. They look shinier but certain sound mellow due to the flatwound nature of the Chrome series. I wonder what they would sound like if they were roundwound instead.
Ernie Ball then had the grand idea of finally having a set of coated strings but not before changing the string material as well. They went ahead with making these strings out of titanium. You know for sure they have a thick and tough durability about them and the tone leaning towards mellow while still clear as can be.
DR also released their Pure Nickel series. Some people go for them for a clean and decently bright tone. Given my sensitivity with nickel, I steer clear from these.
Then it happened. Cobalt. Ernie Ball couldn't possibly get crazier. They have a line of their strings made with cobalt steel. I am currently using their Cobalt Skinny Top Heavy Bottom on my PRS Tremonti SE and let me tell you -- while the guitar naturally has strong mids and pretty neutral and balanced on Treble and Bass but these strings skyrocket your Mid frequency. There will not be any lack of presence in your sound and you definitely will find yourself needing to turn your volume down! They are powerful but a word of caution -- the strings feel tough. Granted, the STHB strings are 10-52 but they feel like regular Power or Not Even Slinky strings.
Stay tuned to Part IIB, where I discuss strings for acoustic instruments.
4.06.2013
Sound in guitars! The factors touching your tone! Pt. 1
Last week, as I was recording some guitar tracks, while doing the EQs on my guitar, something caught my attention. When I turned on the Analysis part of the EQ setting, I studied my guitar's sound waves. Then it hit me -- like, it really hit me -- every guitar really is different.
As for EQs, there would be 4 sections: Low, Low Mid, Hi Mid and Hi. Naturally, the spectrum on keyboards are very much across the board, basses lean dominantly towards Low and Low Mid and vocals usually vary on the person. The variety on a guitar? Well, I am now convinced that truly, each guitar has a soul of its own. In this first part of this multi-part blog, I'll be breaking down the sonic characteristics of my guitars.
Ibanez 1985 Axstar - With the Basswood body and the Mahogany neck, this baby was built for blues, jazz, even some good old hard rock. It has a good Bass punch and the Mids are balanced. If you want some extra bite, you better crank up the Treble, especially if you want that primitive old Floyd Rose it has to use.
PRS Tremonti SE - The Mahogany body and neck gives you good balance across the board and the Rosewood fretboard gives your Bass and Treble an extra bite. You may want to crank up Treble and Bass a tiny bit more because the Mids on this guitar are fierce. Does me well for rock, blues, hard rock, metal and just about anything.
Squier '00 Affinity Strat - My first guitar. Alder body, Maple neck and Rosewood fretboard. You definitely have a lot of Treble going around and even a decent punch on Bass, although the Mids could use a kick up. Always did me well with blues, rock, reggae, latin.
Washburn Sinbiote - Technically a King of the Blues singlecut w/24 frets, this model doesn't exist anymore. Matter of fact, so much so, my best friend and I sanded the original finish off and did our own custom hand-painted job. Maple neck, Mahogany fretboard and an Alder body, this baby happens to bite well in the Mid and Treble department. Crank the Bass up good and bring the Treble up a tad and you'll be sailing. I like bringing this one out for rock and metal.
Part II coming soon!
As for EQs, there would be 4 sections: Low, Low Mid, Hi Mid and Hi. Naturally, the spectrum on keyboards are very much across the board, basses lean dominantly towards Low and Low Mid and vocals usually vary on the person. The variety on a guitar? Well, I am now convinced that truly, each guitar has a soul of its own. In this first part of this multi-part blog, I'll be breaking down the sonic characteristics of my guitars.
Ibanez 1985 Axstar - With the Basswood body and the Mahogany neck, this baby was built for blues, jazz, even some good old hard rock. It has a good Bass punch and the Mids are balanced. If you want some extra bite, you better crank up the Treble, especially if you want that primitive old Floyd Rose it has to use.
PRS Tremonti SE - The Mahogany body and neck gives you good balance across the board and the Rosewood fretboard gives your Bass and Treble an extra bite. You may want to crank up Treble and Bass a tiny bit more because the Mids on this guitar are fierce. Does me well for rock, blues, hard rock, metal and just about anything.
Squier '00 Affinity Strat - My first guitar. Alder body, Maple neck and Rosewood fretboard. You definitely have a lot of Treble going around and even a decent punch on Bass, although the Mids could use a kick up. Always did me well with blues, rock, reggae, latin.
Washburn Sinbiote - Technically a King of the Blues singlecut w/24 frets, this model doesn't exist anymore. Matter of fact, so much so, my best friend and I sanded the original finish off and did our own custom hand-painted job. Maple neck, Mahogany fretboard and an Alder body, this baby happens to bite well in the Mid and Treble department. Crank the Bass up good and bring the Treble up a tad and you'll be sailing. I like bringing this one out for rock and metal.
Part II coming soon!
4.02.2013
Struggling with my Faith pt. 2
As time went on today, I found myself thinking more about this faith issue. Don't get me wrong, there are many things I care about but my faith takes a big chunk of who I am, why I am and how I am. It's kind of scary but also liberating because I never felt like I could always be totally open about talking about it due to a lot of worries about what people would say or how they would react but after realizing that I need to seek my overall health, it is best that I just let it all out. It just so happens that there's a lot.
Part of my heart breaks in knowing that what the tenets of Christendom are versus what is seen or demonstrated seem to clash an awful lot. The Bible, should you sit down and read the New Testament, clearly teaches that judgment belongs to God and that a person's state of salvation (or lack thereof) are not for us to pre-determine (or determine altogether) to begin with. The Bible (both Old and New Testament parts), whether it's in 1 Chronicles, 1 Samuel or even the Book of Revelation, it is very clear in saying that the Lord judges the hearts and minds -- areas of which we are not really able to truly determine. Let's be real, most of the time, we like to impose on others our ideas of what we think people have on their mind and sometimes, those assumptions are a projection of what we are thinking and feeling and therefore, my friends, we sometimes risk executing something we know as mental or emotional abuse or manipulation. A bulk of this has a lot to do with how we were raised, how those that raised us were raised and how they influence those that try to impose themselves on us.
As far as justice or injustice in the Bible, there's two sides to the coin. Sure, Israel was flat out guilty of murdering people they didn't have to murder although in some of those cases, some of them were people that stood by and watched them suffer and did nothing. As I once said in a Facebook status, "By standing by and doing nothing in the face of injustice, you are thereby choosing to support injustice, for if you were against it, you would act against it". Surely, some of these that were killed off knew damn well about Hebrews enslaved by Egyptians but instead of standing in the face of cruelty, they did nothing and thereby catering to the Egyptian bully's power streak. It only made sense that they got hit for standing by and doing nothing in the face of what was going on. However, we also find that not all of those slain by Israel were slain. If we look back, God gave the option of those who wanted to be spared to join alongside Israel. Let us also include that every time Israel strayed from God's commandments with their selfishness, consistent doubt and rebellion in light of seeing how powerful God is, God would strike them down and plague them with slavery and threat of death yet again.
Some may wonder what happened later on. It's simple -- Israel got so drunk in their power and promises that they even tore on each other, adding rules God never added, using abuse of spiritual authority to oppress people. With rules set to not only keep them in line but to also help those in need, Israel still showed something we've always known about mankind -- greed and selfishness and how those qualities can lead into excess, corruption and much unnecessary violence. Remember tithing? That was money used as charity for Levites (musicians) as well as orphans, widows and the impoverished. That's not going on in today's churches are they?
Fast forward to the Jesus era and we find Jesus flipping tables and whipping butts because of how you got people using the temple to conduct monetary business when the temple was designed to be a house of worship -- where people band together as brothers and sisters to seek the presence and love of a God that desires to make our souls rich because trust me, Israel had hardened their hearts so much against God with their lust for all things material that there was no way in hell He was going to restore their kingdom again.
Jesus was all about forgiveness and as I said in a previous entry, "go and sin no more" attitude. IT was as though he was saying, "Look, I'm not stupid and neither are you but I forgive you. Whatever you were doing that wasn't pleasing to God, just move forward on a clean slate and don't do it again". Now, do I believe in divine punishment? It's kinda tricky but I tell you based on my personal experience, as well as an eyewitness of others -- whatever you view to be God's punishment on you is actually nothing more than the end result of the screwups either you or others have done. Some things we go through are a result of things we shouldn't have done but did anyway, thinking that no consequence would come from it. Some things, though, are due to others conspiring to do wrong and you just happen to be a casualty in the process. Then there are also things that happen due to the chain reaction of things we do in conjunction or opposition of the actions of others, of which, in the end, not only affect you but also others.
As for correction, I still believe that in correcting the errs of others, good things can come to both ends, however, how you approach the correction is a whole other thing. I have learned that if you are tactful with your open rebukes or "stand to the side" rebukes, you can make a huge difference but if you are just brash and mindless about it, you will only create a monster or worse, open the door to abuse of some sort. I can put it this way, "a love unrestrained is a lustful monster not apprehended".
As for the question of Hell and punishment? Back then, it was easy for me to say yes without proof but now I am actually beginning to wonder. Also an argument I heard also made me wonder if in sending people to Hell with Satan instantly, wouldn't that insinuate that God and Lucifer are in cahoots and therefore there is an attempt of balance at work? We know the wage of sin is death. If we look back, after Adam and Eve disobeyed God, they saw physical death, not just a spiritual death in the severing of ties with God. Even that can make you wonder because it didn't seem like Abraham was so spiritually dead that he didn't hear God call him out, which is interesting because after the Garden exile, Adam, Eve and their family didn't hear squat from God and the first to do so out of them later on was Enoch and then Noah. Most of what we know of Hell is mentioned in the New Testament, hardly any reference in the Old and in the places referenced in Psalm, they were places where dead souls lied with no distinction on whether souls were devout to God or not.
The other conflict with this Hell business is this -- what logic is there for someone to die, burn in Hell, come back to life to face the Anti-Christ to resist or just burn again anyway? Theoretically, it makes far more logic to die, your soul wake up to confront the Anti-Christ and, with the knowledge and everything the soul knew and learned, decide whether to succumb to Satan's pet or to refuse with the intent of being ultimately saved. Even that process sounds like a mess of a cluster to me.
As for Israel still being God's baby, I can no longer agree or support this. My reason for this is due to Christ's crucifixion. Clearly, a man who shows through His life, attitude and work that He is the Son of God, the one you were looking for, yet you crucify Him? That's like God choosing to place his last ace in the hole to spare you of losing your bet with someone and then slapping His hand away, saying, "No! I can do this myself!", only to lose the bet now that you threw that one offer out the window. As a result, as Jesus said, the Temple of Jerusalem was utterly destroyed at the hands of the Romans and the fact that Paul was sent to the Gentiles. Let's also include that the promise of Christ was not exclusive to Jews -- it was for everyone. Now this may be quite a stretch but holy crap I'll say it anyway -- it seems to me that as a result of rejecting His only begotten Son -- God made it his point to make them pay for the rest of their existence. The Inquisitions, the Crusades -- all done by pagan men who paganized the Church with a ton of baloney -- of which Frank Viola goes in with Pagan Christianity, made it their business to make them really feel how messed up they were. It didn't end there either. You would think that after God knows how many times God would send off Israel into slavery, in the face of death and even under rule of empires, that they would learn to own up and who knows, I don't doubt that some may have -- except for that one idiot who told Hitler that he sucked at art and that he would amount to nothing. That one Jew set Hitler off onto a very evil tantrum.
Now does that mean that I support the Inquisition, the Crusades and even the Holocaust? Hell no! Jesus taught to love one another and even the early Church of the 1st Century taught us well enough to love and correct lovingly, to pray and to help within reason. The point I wanted to make about Israel's disobedience is the same point I made earlier about punishment -- your actions can chain react suffering unto others and even the actions of a group can affect a future generation. If you want to really get down to it, what Hitler did was wrong. What the Catholic Church did was absolutely wrong but what Jews did to God, in spite of all the things they proclaim Him of doing for them, was also wrong. It just so happens that certain agents came into play and a chain reaction of violence was the result. In the process, you have those who have forgotten how disobedient their ancestors were to God and you also have the teachings of Christ utterly ignored by people that oppose Christians as a result of the corrupt pagans that decided to tweak Christianity to their political and dictatorial gain.
Yes I know, this was a lot to read but this is a lot of many more thoughts that lay deep in the iceberg!
Part of my heart breaks in knowing that what the tenets of Christendom are versus what is seen or demonstrated seem to clash an awful lot. The Bible, should you sit down and read the New Testament, clearly teaches that judgment belongs to God and that a person's state of salvation (or lack thereof) are not for us to pre-determine (or determine altogether) to begin with. The Bible (both Old and New Testament parts), whether it's in 1 Chronicles, 1 Samuel or even the Book of Revelation, it is very clear in saying that the Lord judges the hearts and minds -- areas of which we are not really able to truly determine. Let's be real, most of the time, we like to impose on others our ideas of what we think people have on their mind and sometimes, those assumptions are a projection of what we are thinking and feeling and therefore, my friends, we sometimes risk executing something we know as mental or emotional abuse or manipulation. A bulk of this has a lot to do with how we were raised, how those that raised us were raised and how they influence those that try to impose themselves on us.
As far as justice or injustice in the Bible, there's two sides to the coin. Sure, Israel was flat out guilty of murdering people they didn't have to murder although in some of those cases, some of them were people that stood by and watched them suffer and did nothing. As I once said in a Facebook status, "By standing by and doing nothing in the face of injustice, you are thereby choosing to support injustice, for if you were against it, you would act against it". Surely, some of these that were killed off knew damn well about Hebrews enslaved by Egyptians but instead of standing in the face of cruelty, they did nothing and thereby catering to the Egyptian bully's power streak. It only made sense that they got hit for standing by and doing nothing in the face of what was going on. However, we also find that not all of those slain by Israel were slain. If we look back, God gave the option of those who wanted to be spared to join alongside Israel. Let us also include that every time Israel strayed from God's commandments with their selfishness, consistent doubt and rebellion in light of seeing how powerful God is, God would strike them down and plague them with slavery and threat of death yet again.
Some may wonder what happened later on. It's simple -- Israel got so drunk in their power and promises that they even tore on each other, adding rules God never added, using abuse of spiritual authority to oppress people. With rules set to not only keep them in line but to also help those in need, Israel still showed something we've always known about mankind -- greed and selfishness and how those qualities can lead into excess, corruption and much unnecessary violence. Remember tithing? That was money used as charity for Levites (musicians) as well as orphans, widows and the impoverished. That's not going on in today's churches are they?
Fast forward to the Jesus era and we find Jesus flipping tables and whipping butts because of how you got people using the temple to conduct monetary business when the temple was designed to be a house of worship -- where people band together as brothers and sisters to seek the presence and love of a God that desires to make our souls rich because trust me, Israel had hardened their hearts so much against God with their lust for all things material that there was no way in hell He was going to restore their kingdom again.
Jesus was all about forgiveness and as I said in a previous entry, "go and sin no more" attitude. IT was as though he was saying, "Look, I'm not stupid and neither are you but I forgive you. Whatever you were doing that wasn't pleasing to God, just move forward on a clean slate and don't do it again". Now, do I believe in divine punishment? It's kinda tricky but I tell you based on my personal experience, as well as an eyewitness of others -- whatever you view to be God's punishment on you is actually nothing more than the end result of the screwups either you or others have done. Some things we go through are a result of things we shouldn't have done but did anyway, thinking that no consequence would come from it. Some things, though, are due to others conspiring to do wrong and you just happen to be a casualty in the process. Then there are also things that happen due to the chain reaction of things we do in conjunction or opposition of the actions of others, of which, in the end, not only affect you but also others.
As for correction, I still believe that in correcting the errs of others, good things can come to both ends, however, how you approach the correction is a whole other thing. I have learned that if you are tactful with your open rebukes or "stand to the side" rebukes, you can make a huge difference but if you are just brash and mindless about it, you will only create a monster or worse, open the door to abuse of some sort. I can put it this way, "a love unrestrained is a lustful monster not apprehended".
As for the question of Hell and punishment? Back then, it was easy for me to say yes without proof but now I am actually beginning to wonder. Also an argument I heard also made me wonder if in sending people to Hell with Satan instantly, wouldn't that insinuate that God and Lucifer are in cahoots and therefore there is an attempt of balance at work? We know the wage of sin is death. If we look back, after Adam and Eve disobeyed God, they saw physical death, not just a spiritual death in the severing of ties with God. Even that can make you wonder because it didn't seem like Abraham was so spiritually dead that he didn't hear God call him out, which is interesting because after the Garden exile, Adam, Eve and their family didn't hear squat from God and the first to do so out of them later on was Enoch and then Noah. Most of what we know of Hell is mentioned in the New Testament, hardly any reference in the Old and in the places referenced in Psalm, they were places where dead souls lied with no distinction on whether souls were devout to God or not.
The other conflict with this Hell business is this -- what logic is there for someone to die, burn in Hell, come back to life to face the Anti-Christ to resist or just burn again anyway? Theoretically, it makes far more logic to die, your soul wake up to confront the Anti-Christ and, with the knowledge and everything the soul knew and learned, decide whether to succumb to Satan's pet or to refuse with the intent of being ultimately saved. Even that process sounds like a mess of a cluster to me.
As for Israel still being God's baby, I can no longer agree or support this. My reason for this is due to Christ's crucifixion. Clearly, a man who shows through His life, attitude and work that He is the Son of God, the one you were looking for, yet you crucify Him? That's like God choosing to place his last ace in the hole to spare you of losing your bet with someone and then slapping His hand away, saying, "No! I can do this myself!", only to lose the bet now that you threw that one offer out the window. As a result, as Jesus said, the Temple of Jerusalem was utterly destroyed at the hands of the Romans and the fact that Paul was sent to the Gentiles. Let's also include that the promise of Christ was not exclusive to Jews -- it was for everyone. Now this may be quite a stretch but holy crap I'll say it anyway -- it seems to me that as a result of rejecting His only begotten Son -- God made it his point to make them pay for the rest of their existence. The Inquisitions, the Crusades -- all done by pagan men who paganized the Church with a ton of baloney -- of which Frank Viola goes in with Pagan Christianity, made it their business to make them really feel how messed up they were. It didn't end there either. You would think that after God knows how many times God would send off Israel into slavery, in the face of death and even under rule of empires, that they would learn to own up and who knows, I don't doubt that some may have -- except for that one idiot who told Hitler that he sucked at art and that he would amount to nothing. That one Jew set Hitler off onto a very evil tantrum.
Now does that mean that I support the Inquisition, the Crusades and even the Holocaust? Hell no! Jesus taught to love one another and even the early Church of the 1st Century taught us well enough to love and correct lovingly, to pray and to help within reason. The point I wanted to make about Israel's disobedience is the same point I made earlier about punishment -- your actions can chain react suffering unto others and even the actions of a group can affect a future generation. If you want to really get down to it, what Hitler did was wrong. What the Catholic Church did was absolutely wrong but what Jews did to God, in spite of all the things they proclaim Him of doing for them, was also wrong. It just so happens that certain agents came into play and a chain reaction of violence was the result. In the process, you have those who have forgotten how disobedient their ancestors were to God and you also have the teachings of Christ utterly ignored by people that oppose Christians as a result of the corrupt pagans that decided to tweak Christianity to their political and dictatorial gain.
Yes I know, this was a lot to read but this is a lot of many more thoughts that lay deep in the iceberg!
4.01.2013
Struggling with My Faith
So here I am, not so ironically, once again sitting in my living room, just pondering. The funny part is that the thought came to my mind while playing Sonic Generations on XBox 360 -- I have isolated myself from almost every Christian person I was ever close to! As it dawned upon me, I began to think as to why and how did I get there because you don't just suddenly alienate a group of people you once related to. It is something that develops over time. Then it dawned upon me that this all began back in high school. Franklin D. Roosevelt High School to be exact.
I was always told the usual, "Tell me who you walk with and I'll tell you who you are" phrase. The other way of saying that you would be guilty by association. For the most part, that never applied to me unless I was around Christians. I'm that guy that would be sitting in a table one day with goody good Christians and the next with old school hip hop artist aficionados and before the week was out was either with the goth/black/death metal folk or even the nerds. Those goth and metal kids used to look at me weird because here I was, semi-dressed up, occasionally reading my bible, listening to my music, writing my poetry and just chilling with them. I remember at one point they wondered if I was going to try to convert them or try to get all Jesus on them. The harsh truth is, I wasn't and I didn't. I was never ashamed about my faith, I just felt like you can't just go and talk about Christ to people that don't know you. I felt that there needed to be a relationship to be established, as people. Neither did I force my beliefs on them and if they wanted to know something, I had no problem being open about it. For crying out loud, I gave a kid the only copy I had of Skillet's Alien Youth album and he stopped following Satanism somehow. Whether he became a Christian or not, I would never know but for sure but to know that he distanced himself from that cult meant something.
In the process, I often found myself become great allies with fellow teens that were also involved with the occult. At no point did I ever use those opportunities to hammer down what's wrong with their view, if there were any wrong. I felt that before you say something or make a counterpoint, you need to hear the other side. One thing that they all got mad about -- it was seeing me with other Christians. Their problem wasn't with my faith. They were all able to identify and say that I was fair with them, showed them Christ-like love, a sense of non-judgmentalism, let alone the fact that I believed (and still believe) that judgment is in God's hands, not mine. At no point was I running around smoking weed, having wild sex with any girls (even though there were a few offers), getting wasted or being an idiot with my authorities or teachers. I had an amazing camaraderie with metalheads (of which I still do) and there was always good fun among us. I respected them and in turn they respected me. What they couldn't understand was how I could get along with a lot of the Christians I was around. I can understand why though. At least half of them were very much all about themselves and cared little about anyone that wasn't a Christian and acted as though they were lower than them -- all calling cards of Pharisees, groups of devoted religious men that Jesus didn't like very much. However, there were a few that, like me, learned to be able to be around my metal buddies and just be loving with them and with that love, give them that optional possibility that perhaps Christianity could not be equated with elitist behavior -- the kind Peter would be scolded for by Paul over.
As time went on, I also started reading into the Gospels more and saw how Jesus treated everyone around him, regardless of their faith or lack thereof. I also would read what Paul would say about conflicts with people that were trapped into their own vices and sin. Jesus didn't judge too much but sure had no problem doing that to Pharisees and Sadducees because of their hypocrisy and their false sense of justice. He always had tax collectors, fishermen, commoners, his mom, his brother, a woman that was once possessed by demons around. Jesus didn't always tell them repent and then follow. He simply said, "follow me". What also struck me was that when it came to sin, he was simple about it when it came to people he showed mercy to, "go and sin no more". Didn't tell them repent or burn he simply said to go and sin no more. It was as though he simply wanted to tell them that they are not obliged to be enslaved by the vices that could tear their lives apart.
As for Paul? He did address how Christians ought to go about correcting each other and helping each other and that if even if the person's issue got to a congregational scale of confronting and he/she refused, to just treat them as though they were an unbeliever. Now what does this mean? Remember what Jesus said, "By this they will know that you are my disciples, that you love one another"? If showing that love is what brought them to know Christ and everything, then continue in that. Whatever their choices are, respect them and just love them. Should they want to pick up the ball and resume in their walk in faith, then by all means re-embrace them and help them. No judging, no pointing of fingers, no showcasing. Just welcome them and be with them.
With these wonderful things I acknowledged and embraced, I found myself in opposition to my own kind. They were distancing themselves in suspicion that I may be leading a double life -- in church praising God with my voice, preaching, singing and guitar but outside of the church womanizing, seducing, drinking, smoking, partying and causing trouble. To this day, I laugh loudly at this because I did none of those things. Then again, they probably didn't like the fact that I would oppose how they condemned people of their appearance or musical preferences by picking out how could they judge people on that if they're not doing them wrong meanwhile they, the accusers, are condemning left and right, meanwhile cheating on their husbands or bfs, cursing up a storm that would make a clown frown and politicking in church, creating cliques? I'm sorry but I oppose all social injustice.
As I decided to read further and further in the Bible, I found that Jesus talked about people not needing a place but rather spirit and truth in worship. I understand that very much as worshiping God with our lives. I found myself reading a lot of online articles that talked about worship life and little to even none spoke about singing in church and in some cases prayer (although the latter is supposed to be an essential thing). Almost every time, the articles spoke out on how are you living your life. Are you honoring God with your job performance, with how you treat your friends, your wife, girlfriend, bandmates, family, etc. How you treat every fabric of your life would reflect your relationship with God, as most of these articles put out.
To be honest, as time moved on. It made that much more sense. Think about it -- every church friend I had, we only hung out in church or in other churches. It was very rare that we went out to a movie, bowling, pool, play video games together, walk the Williamsburg Bridge, hang out in each other's houses or even talk about the problems we go through outside. In essence, we were total strangers. 9/10 of the Christians I know, I know very little about what they go through, meanwhile I was always the one wanting to deepen that friendship and make it something more than this artificial crap.
Then back in 2009, my church attending dropped significantly. No one in church did any wrong to me at that time. I simply stopped showing up. I had lost interest. I stopped trying to create friendships that would never develop. People would ask for me but I'm like, "hey, you wanna know what's going on, just call me". I'm a simple person at that. I also witnessed my best friend being judged about his situations and battles. It is in the best interest of a quality Christian to offer help, not tear a person down. I also ended up wondering what the whole point of church was if, as a community, we put on fake smiles, do business as usual and don't even have a real relationship with each other? I stand strongly with the ideal of Christian community being a family-driven environment -- where we help, love, cultivate and generate positivity, strength and belief in making the best of each other with the intent of using the best of ourselves to reflect God's amazing and creative nature. I never saw any of that. To this day, I strongly believe that mainstream Christianity is seriously lacking what made 1st Century Christianity, even with its quirks, so beautiful -- they ran against the grain of political and social injustice in Rome, they stood to help each other and show love to one another and I guess the family environment they would situate themselves in empowered all of that.
I look at Christianity today and I shake my head. We have become imitators of corporations, want to be different but celebrate important events on the same days as pagan holidays, which is no different than how 3rd-4th century Christians would build on top of pagan shrines and grounds instead of building fresh from the ground up. Didn't they learn anything from Jews? You break that place down to nothing and then you build something new! When Jews get new turf in Williamsburg, whatever was there, they demolish it from the very root up and build everything, even the foundation, fresh and new.
To me, I honestly can't walk into a church anymore comfortably, knowing that all this fake-ness is going on. It bothers me that people are comfortable with not having a genuine family environment -- where church life doesn't need a building to interact and come alive and where all you need is each other. Last I checked, Jesus said, "where there are two or three in My name, I will be there". That tears the myth of needing a building to meet. If you want to get technical, you can go on and say that you have some church going on the second you're spending time with two or three Christians. You don't need a huge building to do that.
I feel as though mainstream Christianity did the same as Israel. Israel said, "We want a king just like everyone else!" and the bulk of Christians ended up saying, "we want pretty buildings like everyone else!". To think that Christianity had way more impact and power when they didn't have all the luxury they have now. I also find it shocking how they care more about mega-church than they do mega-ministry. Jesus, as the Son of God, could've gotten his way and been dirt rich but no, even with his earnings as a carpenter, his living situation was very simple and dedicated his means to helping those in need and even then, sometimes He did things without needing money.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg!
3.11.2013
Counting Down until Tampa
So I sit here this afternoon, just taking in and let settle in a few things that are indeed real now -- I'm a husband to a wonderful wife, I am going to be a father and also that I'll be long gone from New York come August. It's all exciting but leaving New York, like legit leaving it, is a tiny bit scary. I was born, bred and raised here. This part of the world is all I never truly knew yet the time to fly is coming.
I sit back and I reflect on life in New York and everything I did or didn't accomplish. I went to public, intermediate and high school here. I went to college here. I have held some jobs here. I have family here but when you're married, it is no longer about you. It's about what is best for you and your significant other. When I remember how she came here thinking she would have a better life apart from Florida and only to experience grief and total struggle, I felt skeptical at first. I felt like maybe it's just her but if you take the time to search for yourself, you will find that New York really is a place of struggle.
Go ahead and look into Craigslist or even a local paper. $400-500 a month on rent...for a room that is not guaranteed to be private. If you want a decent apartment similar to what my parents have, you better have come to NY back in the 80's when there were many openings in the Lindsay Housing Cooperatives or even when there were more openings in housing projects. Now you have to wait and hope for years until someone drops dead or moves out for your turn in a waiting list to come through. You can also take a look at several families that are homeless now or bunched up with extended family because they get evicted after faithfully paying rent for over 20 years so that the landlords get to rent these apartments out for ab out 2-3 times the price to kids that get paid by their mom and dad, meanwhile working off the books and sometimes even on public assistance and food stamps.
When I found out that minimum wage is higher in Florida and that rent is cheaper and better spacing, it dawned upon me, "why am I even in New York?".
Then I remembered everything about success. Every person that has succeeded in NY came from outside of New York or left it and after garnering some success, found the right connections to come back and maintain that success here.
If you're born and bred here, I mean hey, look at me, I'm a musician that has only played at the most in front of 300 people and never made a dime as a musician. I am a writer of three books all of which people think it's too complicated to simply click the order now button on lulu just to buy a copy but want you to order bulk and buy it direct, all of which there is no guarantee with how cheap they begin to show themselves to be, not acknowledging that to do bulk order you have to shell out lots of money to get them. Yes, the artist has to invest to do a bulk order i.e. it costs me money to get copies to my mail. We artists don't get anything for free, at all! Let's also recognize that most graduates in NY that's I know got a job in something they didn't major in the first place because their dream job is not available. I mean, seriously, how do you bust your chops for sports and tv/radio only to end up being a director of video for a non-profit organization that only believes in giving raises to people that decide to move up as pastors, all of which they likely pick out according to what's fashionable to them. Where is the respect and honor that is due to those beneath you, striving for excellence in the hope of something better?
Let's also call into account busting your PR and ad chops with little income to get as many people to your shows as possible, whether it's flyers at your job, e-mailing, myspace, facebook, twitter, tumblr and even word of mouth...only to have barely ten people show up to support. Never met a single promoter, executive or manager of any type.
Thankfully, as I head to Tampa in August, I leave knowing that I can get a job transfer which is a means to an end to start somewhere. I'll have my driver's license before I'm there and money well-saved to get a house. I will miss the flashy lights and tall wonders that NY offers and the variety of things that are close by to each other but I sure as hell won't miss our excuse of a mayor who openly said that he "loves rich people" and that they, "are the ones that contribute to the growth of the economy". Am I missing something here Bloomberg? Aren't the rich the people responsible for driving out poor people that struggle night and day to provide? Aren't the schools full of children, majority of which are from the lower middle class? Last I checked, the rich don't do that much.
As far as spiritual ground, I do not know what awaits me down there. I have known people that have felt spiritual liberation down there but at the same token, others went down there to drown themselves in excess of freedom. If there is one thing I did learn growing up is this -- your roots are wherever you've made them to be. It possibly explains why I've never felt attached to any church all my life. I always felt like everything I learned and any growth I experienced it, I did so on my own. Hate to be blunt but I have learned more about faith and how it is in action apart from the four walls and even community. Some have likened their spiritual life with how they are in church and separate that from their "secular" life. I find that weird because your faith and what you make of it, if it is of value to you, ought to be reflected in your everyday living.
I have never seen myself an expert in anything but that which I have experienced and observed, I can speak out on. In the process, I have learned that in NY, the spiritual revolution that is constantly being spoken about mirrors how people are about change in the govt -- a lot of talk but no bite or action. You have people like in Iceland that took action. They didn't just flap their gums for attention. They were disenfranchised, disillusioned and angry about how their government treated their people and took action. They didn't just talk or merely "spread awareness". They took action. They saw an opportunity for revolution and did it to the t. It is my belief that if you are unhappy with "business as usual" in your church community, angry about a judgmental environment or tired of the same old routine, be the agent of change. Don't just talk or announce on it -- take action. Be the change you believe in or as Morgan Freeman from Bruce Almighty said, "Be the miracle".
I sit back and I reflect on life in New York and everything I did or didn't accomplish. I went to public, intermediate and high school here. I went to college here. I have held some jobs here. I have family here but when you're married, it is no longer about you. It's about what is best for you and your significant other. When I remember how she came here thinking she would have a better life apart from Florida and only to experience grief and total struggle, I felt skeptical at first. I felt like maybe it's just her but if you take the time to search for yourself, you will find that New York really is a place of struggle.
Go ahead and look into Craigslist or even a local paper. $400-500 a month on rent...for a room that is not guaranteed to be private. If you want a decent apartment similar to what my parents have, you better have come to NY back in the 80's when there were many openings in the Lindsay Housing Cooperatives or even when there were more openings in housing projects. Now you have to wait and hope for years until someone drops dead or moves out for your turn in a waiting list to come through. You can also take a look at several families that are homeless now or bunched up with extended family because they get evicted after faithfully paying rent for over 20 years so that the landlords get to rent these apartments out for ab out 2-3 times the price to kids that get paid by their mom and dad, meanwhile working off the books and sometimes even on public assistance and food stamps.
When I found out that minimum wage is higher in Florida and that rent is cheaper and better spacing, it dawned upon me, "why am I even in New York?".
Then I remembered everything about success. Every person that has succeeded in NY came from outside of New York or left it and after garnering some success, found the right connections to come back and maintain that success here.
If you're born and bred here, I mean hey, look at me, I'm a musician that has only played at the most in front of 300 people and never made a dime as a musician. I am a writer of three books all of which people think it's too complicated to simply click the order now button on lulu just to buy a copy but want you to order bulk and buy it direct, all of which there is no guarantee with how cheap they begin to show themselves to be, not acknowledging that to do bulk order you have to shell out lots of money to get them. Yes, the artist has to invest to do a bulk order i.e. it costs me money to get copies to my mail. We artists don't get anything for free, at all! Let's also recognize that most graduates in NY that's I know got a job in something they didn't major in the first place because their dream job is not available. I mean, seriously, how do you bust your chops for sports and tv/radio only to end up being a director of video for a non-profit organization that only believes in giving raises to people that decide to move up as pastors, all of which they likely pick out according to what's fashionable to them. Where is the respect and honor that is due to those beneath you, striving for excellence in the hope of something better?
Let's also call into account busting your PR and ad chops with little income to get as many people to your shows as possible, whether it's flyers at your job, e-mailing, myspace, facebook, twitter, tumblr and even word of mouth...only to have barely ten people show up to support. Never met a single promoter, executive or manager of any type.
Thankfully, as I head to Tampa in August, I leave knowing that I can get a job transfer which is a means to an end to start somewhere. I'll have my driver's license before I'm there and money well-saved to get a house. I will miss the flashy lights and tall wonders that NY offers and the variety of things that are close by to each other but I sure as hell won't miss our excuse of a mayor who openly said that he "loves rich people" and that they, "are the ones that contribute to the growth of the economy". Am I missing something here Bloomberg? Aren't the rich the people responsible for driving out poor people that struggle night and day to provide? Aren't the schools full of children, majority of which are from the lower middle class? Last I checked, the rich don't do that much.
As far as spiritual ground, I do not know what awaits me down there. I have known people that have felt spiritual liberation down there but at the same token, others went down there to drown themselves in excess of freedom. If there is one thing I did learn growing up is this -- your roots are wherever you've made them to be. It possibly explains why I've never felt attached to any church all my life. I always felt like everything I learned and any growth I experienced it, I did so on my own. Hate to be blunt but I have learned more about faith and how it is in action apart from the four walls and even community. Some have likened their spiritual life with how they are in church and separate that from their "secular" life. I find that weird because your faith and what you make of it, if it is of value to you, ought to be reflected in your everyday living.
I have never seen myself an expert in anything but that which I have experienced and observed, I can speak out on. In the process, I have learned that in NY, the spiritual revolution that is constantly being spoken about mirrors how people are about change in the govt -- a lot of talk but no bite or action. You have people like in Iceland that took action. They didn't just flap their gums for attention. They were disenfranchised, disillusioned and angry about how their government treated their people and took action. They didn't just talk or merely "spread awareness". They took action. They saw an opportunity for revolution and did it to the t. It is my belief that if you are unhappy with "business as usual" in your church community, angry about a judgmental environment or tired of the same old routine, be the agent of change. Don't just talk or announce on it -- take action. Be the change you believe in or as Morgan Freeman from Bruce Almighty said, "Be the miracle".
2.25.2013
New Genesis! The end of my single life.
I have been wrecking my brain trying to figure out how I would write this. I never thought that this point of my life would actually arrive but it is very much here. To every ex-girlfriend I had a relationship with, for better or worse, I very much thank you for allowing our mutual experiences to prepare me for this moment.
I know what some of you are thinking, "Thanking your exs? What is wrong with you?" Think about it -- every experience, every difficulty and triumph, disappointment and small success prepares you for the big one. Every relationship I went through, I came back stronger, far more resilient and helped me understand women far more and has made me a far more versatile lover, companion, partner and friend. Every heartbreak may have left a scar but in the process made my heart stronger than the last time. There will now be a Mr. and Mrs. Gunz.
I honestly couldn't be more proud. A woman who not only is dedicated, committed and faithful but also a great cook and good at cleaning house because God forbid I marry a woman that sucks at cooking and cleaning. It's a two way street folks. She understands me better and works better with me more than I could desire. She's stubborn but makes so much more than up for it in her fidelity, high spirit and passion about aspiring for and getting things done. I ask her for a sandwich, she makes me a big gourmet meal -- with tea! I'm the hard rockin' son of a gun and she's the semi-hippy that is bent on harmony, justice, love and stability -- all things we both are adamant about. She does dancing while I either play guitar or video games. She'll meditate while I'm working out or drawing. She fuels my fire like the earthy creature and I ignite her bush like God lit a bush up when talking to Moses.
From here on out, I got everything I wanted. Different from how to see it become reality but I got it either way. The ends always justifies the means. I take on the role of husband, life partner, soul mate as co-provider for a future family.
I would like to thank God for all of this. Truly, when the Bible speaks of patience being the product of tribulation, it speaks the truth. I believe without question that everything truly does work for the good for those who love God according to his will and purposes. What is crazy is how when she hunted me down, the situation couldn't be stranger. I was working, she was unemployed. December came around and we were both unemployed. Then I got a job in a month's time. Now she's going back to work in Florida to prepare for our future home while I conduct savings for when I arrive there. You know you have a help meet for you when that person decides to prepare the terrain that will be for both of you. Even better, she is me as a woman so in essence, I am being married to myself! God that's vain but funny all in one! Guess God does have a sense of humor!
One chapter of my life finally draws to a close and another one opens. I am humbled yet proud, seduced with gratitude yet full of joy. Everyone that has been by my side through these 27 years, I thank you all. Now comes forth the rest of my life...and boy am I thrilled, excited and jittery about it!
I know what some of you are thinking, "Thanking your exs? What is wrong with you?" Think about it -- every experience, every difficulty and triumph, disappointment and small success prepares you for the big one. Every relationship I went through, I came back stronger, far more resilient and helped me understand women far more and has made me a far more versatile lover, companion, partner and friend. Every heartbreak may have left a scar but in the process made my heart stronger than the last time. There will now be a Mr. and Mrs. Gunz.
I honestly couldn't be more proud. A woman who not only is dedicated, committed and faithful but also a great cook and good at cleaning house because God forbid I marry a woman that sucks at cooking and cleaning. It's a two way street folks. She understands me better and works better with me more than I could desire. She's stubborn but makes so much more than up for it in her fidelity, high spirit and passion about aspiring for and getting things done. I ask her for a sandwich, she makes me a big gourmet meal -- with tea! I'm the hard rockin' son of a gun and she's the semi-hippy that is bent on harmony, justice, love and stability -- all things we both are adamant about. She does dancing while I either play guitar or video games. She'll meditate while I'm working out or drawing. She fuels my fire like the earthy creature and I ignite her bush like God lit a bush up when talking to Moses.
From here on out, I got everything I wanted. Different from how to see it become reality but I got it either way. The ends always justifies the means. I take on the role of husband, life partner, soul mate as co-provider for a future family.
I would like to thank God for all of this. Truly, when the Bible speaks of patience being the product of tribulation, it speaks the truth. I believe without question that everything truly does work for the good for those who love God according to his will and purposes. What is crazy is how when she hunted me down, the situation couldn't be stranger. I was working, she was unemployed. December came around and we were both unemployed. Then I got a job in a month's time. Now she's going back to work in Florida to prepare for our future home while I conduct savings for when I arrive there. You know you have a help meet for you when that person decides to prepare the terrain that will be for both of you. Even better, she is me as a woman so in essence, I am being married to myself! God that's vain but funny all in one! Guess God does have a sense of humor!
One chapter of my life finally draws to a close and another one opens. I am humbled yet proud, seduced with gratitude yet full of joy. Everyone that has been by my side through these 27 years, I thank you all. Now comes forth the rest of my life...and boy am I thrilled, excited and jittery about it!
2.07.2013
Happiness seems like an illusion
As of late, I've been having a lot of alone time mainly because of work. The funny thing is how at work, I don't socialize all that much apart from incoming customers because as a team we're trying to do our own thing because each of us have that money to make. So as the long hours and days go by, it just all begins to dawn upon me the way it used to when I was younger -- I will never truly be happy.
I have lied to myself, cheated myself into believing that I'll be content but the fact remains that nothing is enough anymore. You can surround me with the greatest of friends, the friendliest of co-workers, the biggest river of inspiration for writing or recording music and throw the greatest girlfriend ever on a silver platter in front of me...My thirst for happiness has simply become insatiable.
It really feels like I will be in this mental rut forever. I have been there since I was a teenager and I'm still there now. Despite the many blessings that have come and gone, nothing has, to this day, changed my mental and emotional world enough to not feel this way.
I'm not sure if I'm in a state of acceptance or if I'm in a state of fighting or confession but this is how I've felt forever. Even as I prepare to move, I can literally feel that even when I finally am on my own, I have been so deeply trapped within my person psychological and emotional devices that once I am left to myself, it's all gonna surface and it may not be pretty.
I have lied to myself, cheated myself into believing that I'll be content but the fact remains that nothing is enough anymore. You can surround me with the greatest of friends, the friendliest of co-workers, the biggest river of inspiration for writing or recording music and throw the greatest girlfriend ever on a silver platter in front of me...My thirst for happiness has simply become insatiable.
It really feels like I will be in this mental rut forever. I have been there since I was a teenager and I'm still there now. Despite the many blessings that have come and gone, nothing has, to this day, changed my mental and emotional world enough to not feel this way.
I'm not sure if I'm in a state of acceptance or if I'm in a state of fighting or confession but this is how I've felt forever. Even as I prepare to move, I can literally feel that even when I finally am on my own, I have been so deeply trapped within my person psychological and emotional devices that once I am left to myself, it's all gonna surface and it may not be pretty.
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