It stems from years of the favoritism, injustices, corruption and false Christianity that I find these days. I've become weary with grief at how the only thing that matters to some are just filling up four walls, singing all day and preaching to the choir -- meanwhile there are people needing help with poverty, abuse, injustice and disease. Too many leaders caring about how much money they can stuff themselves with and preoccupied with hi tech in presentation but so low tech in heart with all the things going on that their congregations are going through.
It stems from the disillusion of thinking I could ever see Christianity the way Jesus and his disciples taught it. I guess everyone likes the way it's business as usual and don't want to tear the system down. It you can't beat them, leave them and be among those who agree that the only solution is demonstrating Christ-like attitude at its core.
I miss my baby sister Bernice. It's been about 5 years. I'm still finding it weird that when I turn the curtain, she's not there reading a book with a funny face or being the only audience that'll laugh at my weirdness. Not much you can do I guess.
At least I'll meet some new believers in Tampa and I'll have my wife and my little daughter to keep me up and at least I'm not a golfer!
Blogs by Ron Gunz
6.06.2013
6.02.2013
Where do I fit Agape in life now? or Where does Agape fit me?
I woke up God knows how late. I think about 12pm or something similar to that frame. I look around and the first thing was making pancakes and working out in my balcony. Five sets of pushups, dumbbell flys and dumbbell presses, plus 160 crunches later, my head wandered towards sanding my Strat's body down. I remembered wanting to do a fresh hand-painted job on the whole left side of the body but for years never go to it. It's still a work in progress but I'll get there.
As 3 1/2 hours went by, I realized that not only did I miss fellowshipping with fellow Christians but that I'm in one serious spiritual pickle. Forget the concept of lacking a new challenge on my faith -- I'm talking about my conflict with fellowship.
For years, the thing I noticed the most is that most of my brethren in the faith, I have never actually developed a friendship with them so that my faith can grow. Part of it is due to my experience of how they will then try to puppet you into no longer being a human being and just doing fellowship in a building, nothing else. I always felt, in a sense, betrayed because the Bible teaches about fellowship being very family-like but I've never experienced any of that. All I've experienced was a lot of politicking, backstabbing of congregation members, myself and my family being one of those victims. I ask to hang out and instantly their agenda is church -- not having coffee together, jamming in a studio, hanging out like real people. I never liked the concept of relationships with my fellow Christians being that shallow. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about God and everything but I can't stand shallow relationships. I get bored very easily when it comes to people. We're supposed to be family, which means we challenge each other, grow with each other, love each other. I've experienced none of that.
One of the gripes that I find and will never let go, is the fact that people of my own faith have the audacity to separate everything else from your spiritual life. That's a red alert for hypocrisy, insincerity and even duality. If your soul and spirit are entirely separate from who you are in church, then who is that who goes to work and interacts with co-workers? Who's the person sitting in the classroom studying? Who's the artist creating music, drawings or paintings? If your spirituality is not in conjunction with every other fabric of who you are, there is a big problem.
I guess part of why I haven't been as adamant about fellowship as I once was is due to the terrible reality that I sat down and learned more of who God is and how Christian faith is supposed to work on my own than amongst others. No tracts, handouts, expositors or study guides. I sit on my own, pray to God and read on.
Life also rocked my mentality on fellowship. I never experienced much beyond the fellowship walls. Unless I told you what's going on, you'll never know. Most of my life, I was told that people are the enemy and that they only want what they can benefit from you with -- that's what my very self-righteous father always taught. Life also taught me that you can't always trust the pastor, the "angel" of the church. They'll be guiding you by the hand today and unquestionably backstabbing your father and making him look like a disgrace the next. You're fed sound advice today and later tonight, that same leader is doing double of what he's telling you not to do.
I once had a best friend who befriended me but because of who I am, would make it his agenda to change who I am. Once he saw that there is no changing me and that you must accept me as I am or beat it, he gradually turned people against me, played off as Mr. Righteous and before you know it, when his agenda elsewhere didn't go well, he went off on a drinking spree. I also am disgusted with condescending Christians who write you off without actually getting to know you one on one. Any little thing and they've already made up their mind about who you are. Never sat for dinner with you, visited a gallery, watched a movie, worked on something together or ever bothered to ask questions.
Ever since I was baptized, I questioned every last thing about my faith. Some places I got very comforting and affirming answers, others gave me even more questions and when it came to execution, doubt undoubtedly made itself known.
Do I believe in Christ? Absolutely. Do I believe in the Bride of Christ aka The Body? Not a doubt. So what's my problem? The Body doesn't resemble itself and I'm tired of it. I;m tired of being one standing alone against the monotony, the politics and falsehood it has become. When God said there will be a remnant, I definitely believe there will be one. Thankfully, all those phonies won't be a part of it.
As 3 1/2 hours went by, I realized that not only did I miss fellowshipping with fellow Christians but that I'm in one serious spiritual pickle. Forget the concept of lacking a new challenge on my faith -- I'm talking about my conflict with fellowship.
For years, the thing I noticed the most is that most of my brethren in the faith, I have never actually developed a friendship with them so that my faith can grow. Part of it is due to my experience of how they will then try to puppet you into no longer being a human being and just doing fellowship in a building, nothing else. I always felt, in a sense, betrayed because the Bible teaches about fellowship being very family-like but I've never experienced any of that. All I've experienced was a lot of politicking, backstabbing of congregation members, myself and my family being one of those victims. I ask to hang out and instantly their agenda is church -- not having coffee together, jamming in a studio, hanging out like real people. I never liked the concept of relationships with my fellow Christians being that shallow. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about God and everything but I can't stand shallow relationships. I get bored very easily when it comes to people. We're supposed to be family, which means we challenge each other, grow with each other, love each other. I've experienced none of that.
One of the gripes that I find and will never let go, is the fact that people of my own faith have the audacity to separate everything else from your spiritual life. That's a red alert for hypocrisy, insincerity and even duality. If your soul and spirit are entirely separate from who you are in church, then who is that who goes to work and interacts with co-workers? Who's the person sitting in the classroom studying? Who's the artist creating music, drawings or paintings? If your spirituality is not in conjunction with every other fabric of who you are, there is a big problem.
I guess part of why I haven't been as adamant about fellowship as I once was is due to the terrible reality that I sat down and learned more of who God is and how Christian faith is supposed to work on my own than amongst others. No tracts, handouts, expositors or study guides. I sit on my own, pray to God and read on.
Life also rocked my mentality on fellowship. I never experienced much beyond the fellowship walls. Unless I told you what's going on, you'll never know. Most of my life, I was told that people are the enemy and that they only want what they can benefit from you with -- that's what my very self-righteous father always taught. Life also taught me that you can't always trust the pastor, the "angel" of the church. They'll be guiding you by the hand today and unquestionably backstabbing your father and making him look like a disgrace the next. You're fed sound advice today and later tonight, that same leader is doing double of what he's telling you not to do.
I once had a best friend who befriended me but because of who I am, would make it his agenda to change who I am. Once he saw that there is no changing me and that you must accept me as I am or beat it, he gradually turned people against me, played off as Mr. Righteous and before you know it, when his agenda elsewhere didn't go well, he went off on a drinking spree. I also am disgusted with condescending Christians who write you off without actually getting to know you one on one. Any little thing and they've already made up their mind about who you are. Never sat for dinner with you, visited a gallery, watched a movie, worked on something together or ever bothered to ask questions.
Ever since I was baptized, I questioned every last thing about my faith. Some places I got very comforting and affirming answers, others gave me even more questions and when it came to execution, doubt undoubtedly made itself known.
Do I believe in Christ? Absolutely. Do I believe in the Bride of Christ aka The Body? Not a doubt. So what's my problem? The Body doesn't resemble itself and I'm tired of it. I;m tired of being one standing alone against the monotony, the politics and falsehood it has become. When God said there will be a remnant, I definitely believe there will be one. Thankfully, all those phonies won't be a part of it.
6.01.2013
Sheep in Wolf's Clothing?
The most random thing came to mind today -- people always have made use of the term, "a wolf in sheep's clothing" since God knows how long. Obviously, it is a reference to people who seem sweet, loyal and sincere on the outside but deep down they're like ravenous wolves, seeking to eat you alive and poison you with all sorts of evil. They're the kind that you stay away from but not sure when to do so until the shady attitude begins to unveil itself.
What about the "sheep in wolf's clothing?". These, in my mind, are the people that appear like trouble, total bad news and absolutely rotten but once you actually see what they're made of, they are the total opposite. They turn out to be the most sincere, loyal and most fun-filled characters in your life.
The two terms both collided in my head and oftentimes, I wonder if people are one of those two terms or if sometimes we impose these perceptions on people. What if the people we label wolf dressed as sheep are only that because of our perception in life because we grow afraid of being challenged no different than if those who are sheep dressed as wolves are only that because it's easier to label the misfit-looking person as unfit to our existence?
I think of it this way because I'm going to give two examples. There's me. For some retarded reason, by people of the same faith I identify myself with, I was somehow perceived (and still perceived) as a wolf in sheep's clothing based on my preference and approach on music, as well as how stark in contrast I've come to see things when it comes to faith and materialism. As a Christian, I do believe in following what Jesus Christ taught and lead the loving example he showed. Musical preference, in the end, is up to you. A distorted sound or a phaser sound or a wah sound will never make your music any holier or evil than hot sauce makes or breaks one's preference to how they want their chicken. I don't believe in the clothes makes the person anymore because when it comes down to it, if your dress code is your ministry, you should therefore pursue a career in fashion not in showing love, peace and joy of Christ to people. I draw cheap heat from fellow Christians for being real because I'm sorry, I'd rather be up front and real about my faith as well as in who I am than to play this dreadfully fraudulent act of perfect and squeaky clean Christianity because it's not real. If you are engaged with Christian faith, you will find that in spirituality and faith, there is a lot of messiness going on.
Then there's my best friend, Sid. People see him right away and they hide their kids, maidens, wives and so on. They perceive him as this Satan-worshipping, demon summoning, looking for trouble guy. The irony, of course, is that he's really damn far from that. He isn't summoning Lucifer to steal Kat Von D's soul so he may eviscerate her body, he doesn't call upon demons to kill off police nor is he looking for trouble with people. In fact, he is the most faithful friend around. He'll whack you upside the head for sense and hug you simultaneously. He'll listen to you, he'll eat, work out with you and sit and watch music videos, concerts and movies with you. He'll even sit and eat popcorn as your man-ger unfolds for his humor! He will also challenge people. He likes a great challenge because it gets him off the way Hitler got off from the Holocaust. The sad thing is that people point the finger at him all the time in scorn and partially that's why he despises 99% of all of Christendom. To think he too was a Christian.
So there you have it, you do have people who are wolves in sheep clothing, as well as sheep in wolf's clothing but there are times where the labels are stamped upon you based on perception rather than through deep understanding and reality.
What about the "sheep in wolf's clothing?". These, in my mind, are the people that appear like trouble, total bad news and absolutely rotten but once you actually see what they're made of, they are the total opposite. They turn out to be the most sincere, loyal and most fun-filled characters in your life.
The two terms both collided in my head and oftentimes, I wonder if people are one of those two terms or if sometimes we impose these perceptions on people. What if the people we label wolf dressed as sheep are only that because of our perception in life because we grow afraid of being challenged no different than if those who are sheep dressed as wolves are only that because it's easier to label the misfit-looking person as unfit to our existence?
I think of it this way because I'm going to give two examples. There's me. For some retarded reason, by people of the same faith I identify myself with, I was somehow perceived (and still perceived) as a wolf in sheep's clothing based on my preference and approach on music, as well as how stark in contrast I've come to see things when it comes to faith and materialism. As a Christian, I do believe in following what Jesus Christ taught and lead the loving example he showed. Musical preference, in the end, is up to you. A distorted sound or a phaser sound or a wah sound will never make your music any holier or evil than hot sauce makes or breaks one's preference to how they want their chicken. I don't believe in the clothes makes the person anymore because when it comes down to it, if your dress code is your ministry, you should therefore pursue a career in fashion not in showing love, peace and joy of Christ to people. I draw cheap heat from fellow Christians for being real because I'm sorry, I'd rather be up front and real about my faith as well as in who I am than to play this dreadfully fraudulent act of perfect and squeaky clean Christianity because it's not real. If you are engaged with Christian faith, you will find that in spirituality and faith, there is a lot of messiness going on.
Then there's my best friend, Sid. People see him right away and they hide their kids, maidens, wives and so on. They perceive him as this Satan-worshipping, demon summoning, looking for trouble guy. The irony, of course, is that he's really damn far from that. He isn't summoning Lucifer to steal Kat Von D's soul so he may eviscerate her body, he doesn't call upon demons to kill off police nor is he looking for trouble with people. In fact, he is the most faithful friend around. He'll whack you upside the head for sense and hug you simultaneously. He'll listen to you, he'll eat, work out with you and sit and watch music videos, concerts and movies with you. He'll even sit and eat popcorn as your man-ger unfolds for his humor! He will also challenge people. He likes a great challenge because it gets him off the way Hitler got off from the Holocaust. The sad thing is that people point the finger at him all the time in scorn and partially that's why he despises 99% of all of Christendom. To think he too was a Christian.
So there you have it, you do have people who are wolves in sheep clothing, as well as sheep in wolf's clothing but there are times where the labels are stamped upon you based on perception rather than through deep understanding and reality.
5.30.2013
Aizen Complex Today: Making you believe what you perceive
I love the Bleach anime. It's awesome for a few reasons --
1. It's samurai in nature -- from the garbs the Shinigami wear to the Society they live in beyond physical life.
2. Shinigami aka Death gods or Soul Reapers
3. Some interesting characters.
The one character that now catches my attention looking back is Aizen, the main antagonist in the first storyline. You see him at first and he comes off as this fair and very benevolent character -- very suave, graceful, gentle and kind. Then the random murders happen and all the chaos that ensues. You find out he's the villain all along. Each Shinigami has their own special ability. In Aizen's case, it's illusion. Every time he takes out his sword, whatever you perceive will be illusion. That means whatever conspiracy, whatever event, even whatever is presented to you (even victory), if he is behind it, you will only see whatever you want to see. He'll even make you perceive someone else's death as reality when in fact it is your own or of a person entirely different of the one you see.
With that said, I find myself in a similar dilemma with most people in life these days. I don't know if it's because I have little to no faith in people, wanting to protect myself or because people have really been reduced to a certain level of stupid. I make different people see different sides of me. It is rare that anyone sees all sides of me. At work, I'm the knowledgable, middle of the road guy that doesn't do office politics and has his mind on his job. In school, I was the quiet guy who just came to class and just did simply that. In fellowship meetings with Christians, I'm just the musician who has something to say once in a while, usually ignored and not leaving any curiosity behind. With my family, they just see me on my computer, playing guitar, video games, eating, laughing.
My friends? Oh they're my shrinks! They hear most of every last thing inside my head! I become this loud and maddening man-child that speaks out ideas and thoughts everyone else in my life wouldn't care to listen to me talk.
My wife? She discovers everything about me. My likes and dislikes, what brings me up, what drags me down, what gets on my nerves and what stimulates them, what imprisons me identity-wise and what calls me out from the shadows. I leave no stone unturned to my wife. If she sees something bothering me, she will know because I know I can tell her.
It's not ironic that to your closest allies and your significant other you can be totally yourself because you don't be judged. You can totally be you. It is ironic, though, that we're told to be absolutely ourselves to everyone yet because how you perceive the other audiences, you only let them see a part of it, which eventually they think is all of it.
One of my friends has friends that when they see me, they judge only by appearance and know so little of what's inside my head. Logic would tell you, "why not let them see who you really are" but reality will tell you that there are, in fact, people that don't always need to see the other side because if they judge you based on what they see and on their own mindset, you can't expect them to change their perception or mindset ever after they see the bigger picture of your identity.
I love Jesus. I love rock. I love metal. I love music. I love guitar, video games, comic books, movies of different kinds. I love sex, lots of it but I also love my wife for accepting me as I am, love my friends because they understand me and understand how I operate and how they can help me go beyond the usual. I love the artistry within tattoos. I also love crazy weird people. You know -- the goths, the satanists, anarchists and so on. Why? They're totally opposite of what I believe in and stand for.
This goes way back in high school. Here I was this typical well-mannered and sheltered Christian guy sitting 60-80% of the time with a table loaded with metalheads. We're talking guys and girls that were into Cradle of Filth, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Nine Inch Nails, Immortal, Venom, Celtic Frost, Rob Zombie and Motorhead. Mind you, to this day, out of those bands, the only band I have on my phone is Motorhead. These guys probably found it bizarre that I sat among them but I guess they saw I was with them the same reason why they were with each other -- I didn't exactly belong. I never felt like I belonged with my own Christian kind because I felt that 9/10 they were only interested in converting you and not so much getting to know you the way Christ wants us to come to know him.
I loved their company and yes, I laughed at some of the filthy jokes that went on for the simple fact that many times it was absurd. They weren't the demonic hellspawn they were painted out to be. I guess I never got ousted because I wasn't out to convert them but rather to get to know them as people and really get where they're coming from because everyone else only saw what they wanted to see or what they perceived as comfortable to see.
I think it's also the reason why sometimes at work or in fellowship I hold back from showing everything. It's the fear that if I showed them, I will either never hear the end of their judgments or I would be exploited and burned out by them to the point that once they got everything they could out of me, I'll be tossed out as nothing more than an expendable asset.
Thus I feed people an illusion and false perception of who I am unless their curiosity and personal interest drives them to see if maybe there's something else behind the curtain.
1. It's samurai in nature -- from the garbs the Shinigami wear to the Society they live in beyond physical life.
2. Shinigami aka Death gods or Soul Reapers
3. Some interesting characters.
The one character that now catches my attention looking back is Aizen, the main antagonist in the first storyline. You see him at first and he comes off as this fair and very benevolent character -- very suave, graceful, gentle and kind. Then the random murders happen and all the chaos that ensues. You find out he's the villain all along. Each Shinigami has their own special ability. In Aizen's case, it's illusion. Every time he takes out his sword, whatever you perceive will be illusion. That means whatever conspiracy, whatever event, even whatever is presented to you (even victory), if he is behind it, you will only see whatever you want to see. He'll even make you perceive someone else's death as reality when in fact it is your own or of a person entirely different of the one you see.
With that said, I find myself in a similar dilemma with most people in life these days. I don't know if it's because I have little to no faith in people, wanting to protect myself or because people have really been reduced to a certain level of stupid. I make different people see different sides of me. It is rare that anyone sees all sides of me. At work, I'm the knowledgable, middle of the road guy that doesn't do office politics and has his mind on his job. In school, I was the quiet guy who just came to class and just did simply that. In fellowship meetings with Christians, I'm just the musician who has something to say once in a while, usually ignored and not leaving any curiosity behind. With my family, they just see me on my computer, playing guitar, video games, eating, laughing.
My friends? Oh they're my shrinks! They hear most of every last thing inside my head! I become this loud and maddening man-child that speaks out ideas and thoughts everyone else in my life wouldn't care to listen to me talk.
My wife? She discovers everything about me. My likes and dislikes, what brings me up, what drags me down, what gets on my nerves and what stimulates them, what imprisons me identity-wise and what calls me out from the shadows. I leave no stone unturned to my wife. If she sees something bothering me, she will know because I know I can tell her.
It's not ironic that to your closest allies and your significant other you can be totally yourself because you don't be judged. You can totally be you. It is ironic, though, that we're told to be absolutely ourselves to everyone yet because how you perceive the other audiences, you only let them see a part of it, which eventually they think is all of it.
One of my friends has friends that when they see me, they judge only by appearance and know so little of what's inside my head. Logic would tell you, "why not let them see who you really are" but reality will tell you that there are, in fact, people that don't always need to see the other side because if they judge you based on what they see and on their own mindset, you can't expect them to change their perception or mindset ever after they see the bigger picture of your identity.
I love Jesus. I love rock. I love metal. I love music. I love guitar, video games, comic books, movies of different kinds. I love sex, lots of it but I also love my wife for accepting me as I am, love my friends because they understand me and understand how I operate and how they can help me go beyond the usual. I love the artistry within tattoos. I also love crazy weird people. You know -- the goths, the satanists, anarchists and so on. Why? They're totally opposite of what I believe in and stand for.
This goes way back in high school. Here I was this typical well-mannered and sheltered Christian guy sitting 60-80% of the time with a table loaded with metalheads. We're talking guys and girls that were into Cradle of Filth, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Nine Inch Nails, Immortal, Venom, Celtic Frost, Rob Zombie and Motorhead. Mind you, to this day, out of those bands, the only band I have on my phone is Motorhead. These guys probably found it bizarre that I sat among them but I guess they saw I was with them the same reason why they were with each other -- I didn't exactly belong. I never felt like I belonged with my own Christian kind because I felt that 9/10 they were only interested in converting you and not so much getting to know you the way Christ wants us to come to know him.
I loved their company and yes, I laughed at some of the filthy jokes that went on for the simple fact that many times it was absurd. They weren't the demonic hellspawn they were painted out to be. I guess I never got ousted because I wasn't out to convert them but rather to get to know them as people and really get where they're coming from because everyone else only saw what they wanted to see or what they perceived as comfortable to see.
I think it's also the reason why sometimes at work or in fellowship I hold back from showing everything. It's the fear that if I showed them, I will either never hear the end of their judgments or I would be exploited and burned out by them to the point that once they got everything they could out of me, I'll be tossed out as nothing more than an expendable asset.
Thus I feed people an illusion and false perception of who I am unless their curiosity and personal interest drives them to see if maybe there's something else behind the curtain.
5.19.2013
In the Darkness
"For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness." - 1 Thessalonians 5.5 (ESV)
As a follower of Christ in my own right, I have struggled with this Bible verse. It is for a very solid reason -- the night is where my strength is drawn from. By day, I struggle to do things but as soon as night falls, my energy returns. On a day of no work (and no work the next day), I can prowl the night until sunrise. Even for sleep, I need darkness to sleep peacefully.
I find daylight irritating. Every time I see it, my first reaction is, "Where's the moon, I can't deal with all this light in my face". Every time I want to do things, it's always at night but most people are either sleeping or if not in bars or clubs, places I care less to go to. Let's also include that most places are closed after 9pm-11pm.
It's quite the struggle for me because when I do want to show up to church, I wish for them to be open at 1am for me to isolate myself from the world to pray. When I desire to write, draw or record, all of my energies kick in about 1:30am. The only reason I work by day is because all my pleasurable desire comes out at night and I don't want to spend my precious energy with work. As much as I love people, I hate being surrounded by endless droves of people by day.
So it comes down to one question, "Where do I, a self-professed Christian that has all his energy for everything at night, belong"? It's bad enough that I have that issue with those of my own faith because my political and social views don't coincide with their idea of the norm.
As a follower of Christ in my own right, I have struggled with this Bible verse. It is for a very solid reason -- the night is where my strength is drawn from. By day, I struggle to do things but as soon as night falls, my energy returns. On a day of no work (and no work the next day), I can prowl the night until sunrise. Even for sleep, I need darkness to sleep peacefully.
I find daylight irritating. Every time I see it, my first reaction is, "Where's the moon, I can't deal with all this light in my face". Every time I want to do things, it's always at night but most people are either sleeping or if not in bars or clubs, places I care less to go to. Let's also include that most places are closed after 9pm-11pm.
It's quite the struggle for me because when I do want to show up to church, I wish for them to be open at 1am for me to isolate myself from the world to pray. When I desire to write, draw or record, all of my energies kick in about 1:30am. The only reason I work by day is because all my pleasurable desire comes out at night and I don't want to spend my precious energy with work. As much as I love people, I hate being surrounded by endless droves of people by day.
So it comes down to one question, "Where do I, a self-professed Christian that has all his energy for everything at night, belong"? It's bad enough that I have that issue with those of my own faith because my political and social views don't coincide with their idea of the norm.
5.10.2013
Some things never change pt. 2
In my last entry, I introduced the concept of forgiveness while also speaking about how the political stigma of music genres and their acceptance factor in church life caused the alienation of young people in the faith. In this entry I want firmly state that it only leaves room for one more issue -- falling. Perhaps it may not relate to music itself at all but forgiveness is something to be read carefully on here.
How many people must we ask forgiveness to because we shunned them over something very minute yet overblown and in turn also caused them to distance themselves from the faith. Even if that pretense isn't the best means to distance from Christ, it does not leave exempt that in approaching the matter without etiquette, class and grace, there are sheep that may have gone astray from those rash actions.
Forgiveness also matters because these days, a lot of us Christian brothers and sisters are attacked with struggles, battles and sin left and right every day. Business is encouraged and artistry isn't given more sensibility and encouragement as a means to address struggles we may have with our identities, emotional and even sexual ailments. Identity because of desire to express, something that isn't common at all in business (since business is all about money), emotional because people sometimes may feel depressed, angry, in anguish or worry and therefore, music and art are a healthy means of expression and sexual ailment because sometimes people need to help themselves to not be consumed by sexual appetite because when you lust, it can lead to a lot of manipulation, infidelity, broken hearts and even a mess in a network of friendship and even work.
In the process, a lot of Christian brothers and sisters are falling due to temptation, frustration as well as isolation. Let's be real -- social networking has crippled the definition of friendship. Friendship once met gathering together outside of work or religious environment as a means of camaraderie and genuine love and fellowship. Now people think they know you just based on your social networking page. Every person has has experienced a falling moment are just being judged and stomped on. Fearmongerers feast on them like Dracula does on blood. Let me set something straight -- you do not need to further remind someone about a failure, especially if they are very aware that what they did is wrong. It's not that I don't believe in correction, it's just that you don't need to correct someone that knows what they have to do. If you're in the wrong about something, you don't need someone to tell you, let alone step all over you.
Furthermore, as the Body of Christ, we are to show a forgiving spirit. It is one thing if the person is trapped in something and need help to get out but it's quite different when the person knows what's wrong in their life. Normally, we as humans, when we slip up and slip up bad, we tend to drive ourselves into our own personal guilt trips. The very last thing we need are a group of people stepping on us, crushing us to bits, judging us on our past mistakes.
To those that I know or don't know that have fallen or are falling, hear me out because I've been in your position. I understand the guilt that stabs into you like venom, the depression from failure that torments every brain cell and the chills of condemnation that point the finger within. Remember what John said in 1 John 1.9 ESV, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." No need to hang yourselves over your shortcomings.
"I will not allow my past to dictate my future." - CM Punk
How many people must we ask forgiveness to because we shunned them over something very minute yet overblown and in turn also caused them to distance themselves from the faith. Even if that pretense isn't the best means to distance from Christ, it does not leave exempt that in approaching the matter without etiquette, class and grace, there are sheep that may have gone astray from those rash actions.
Forgiveness also matters because these days, a lot of us Christian brothers and sisters are attacked with struggles, battles and sin left and right every day. Business is encouraged and artistry isn't given more sensibility and encouragement as a means to address struggles we may have with our identities, emotional and even sexual ailments. Identity because of desire to express, something that isn't common at all in business (since business is all about money), emotional because people sometimes may feel depressed, angry, in anguish or worry and therefore, music and art are a healthy means of expression and sexual ailment because sometimes people need to help themselves to not be consumed by sexual appetite because when you lust, it can lead to a lot of manipulation, infidelity, broken hearts and even a mess in a network of friendship and even work.
In the process, a lot of Christian brothers and sisters are falling due to temptation, frustration as well as isolation. Let's be real -- social networking has crippled the definition of friendship. Friendship once met gathering together outside of work or religious environment as a means of camaraderie and genuine love and fellowship. Now people think they know you just based on your social networking page. Every person has has experienced a falling moment are just being judged and stomped on. Fearmongerers feast on them like Dracula does on blood. Let me set something straight -- you do not need to further remind someone about a failure, especially if they are very aware that what they did is wrong. It's not that I don't believe in correction, it's just that you don't need to correct someone that knows what they have to do. If you're in the wrong about something, you don't need someone to tell you, let alone step all over you.
Furthermore, as the Body of Christ, we are to show a forgiving spirit. It is one thing if the person is trapped in something and need help to get out but it's quite different when the person knows what's wrong in their life. Normally, we as humans, when we slip up and slip up bad, we tend to drive ourselves into our own personal guilt trips. The very last thing we need are a group of people stepping on us, crushing us to bits, judging us on our past mistakes.
To those that I know or don't know that have fallen or are falling, hear me out because I've been in your position. I understand the guilt that stabs into you like venom, the depression from failure that torments every brain cell and the chills of condemnation that point the finger within. Remember what John said in 1 John 1.9 ESV, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." No need to hang yourselves over your shortcomings.
"I will not allow my past to dictate my future." - CM Punk
Some things never change pt. 1
For some crazy reason, the message of forgiveness is constantly being reflected to me every day this week. Even while at work, it traveled deep in my mind. Perhaps it's because the resurfacing of my anger towards those who feed on the falling down of others.
Yesterday I was talking to a few customers and one of them was asking for a good distortion or overdrive pedal for a warm and rocky sound in church. Granted, I gave, as always, the best recommendations that came to mind. Behind him were two young teens with the most, "what the heck" faces I've seen in a while. The older man left happily with the Fulltone OCD Overdrive and the young guys came forward. They asked, "rock in church"? I felt the flashbacks as I felt just as they did. These were kids that, at the same age I was once, were feeling outcast because of their musical preferences. Ironically, they too were ex-Pentecostals, who left the church her mother went to because they were judged over their music genre preferences. These kids weren't looking for trouble, scoring with women or doping it up. Just two kids that love guitar, love rock like I do.
Apparently, they didn't get to see how the perception of rock changed in church as years went on. Perhaps because more church people realized that a sound modification didn't really make your music playing any holier or corrupt. I remember how taboo a touch of a Boss DS-1 was in churches. They looked at you like I summoned Satan, which I would've understood if they preferred a Fulltone OCD, a Boss OS-2 or a Hardwire Valve Distortion. All I was really doing was adding a layer of distortion while playing funky latin, reggae or calypso type of rhythms circa 2001. I never saw rock become less taboo until around 2006-2007. By then, hearing a Salsa/Merengue style of music in church was nothing new and actually was normal but a rock sound was just beginning to be welcomed.
Unfortunately, a lot of youth, like these kids, were alienated because of their sound preference. It was okay to hear Fred Hammond, Salvador, Third Day, Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, Todd Agnew and Steven Curtis Chapman but God forbid you gave ear to Demon Hunter, ReD, Oh Sleeper, The Showdown, Skillet, Narnia, Disciple or Switchfoot.
I couldn't help but while talking with these customers about how despite that, they can't just not like Jesus anymore. For crying out loud, if these old folk Christians met Christ today, they'd be in trouble. Jesus was always around anyone but religiously acceptable people. I also understand why these two kids felt the way they did -- because I was outcast the same way. I was that guy that pushed against the grain because I believe that if you are a man or woman that loves to worship God, worship Him or point to Him with anything you can. Whether it's rock, salsa, jazz, metal, reggae, tagging, henna or even with sock puppets, if the intent is to reflect God and his goodness, just do it.
Why am I bringing this up? This is due to this forever being something that will never be let go. Even if one day a music genre is no longer taboo, the damage that was done remains. The fact that many souls were alienated and enstranged by church people hangs there.
Yesterday I was talking to a few customers and one of them was asking for a good distortion or overdrive pedal for a warm and rocky sound in church. Granted, I gave, as always, the best recommendations that came to mind. Behind him were two young teens with the most, "what the heck" faces I've seen in a while. The older man left happily with the Fulltone OCD Overdrive and the young guys came forward. They asked, "rock in church"? I felt the flashbacks as I felt just as they did. These were kids that, at the same age I was once, were feeling outcast because of their musical preferences. Ironically, they too were ex-Pentecostals, who left the church her mother went to because they were judged over their music genre preferences. These kids weren't looking for trouble, scoring with women or doping it up. Just two kids that love guitar, love rock like I do.
Apparently, they didn't get to see how the perception of rock changed in church as years went on. Perhaps because more church people realized that a sound modification didn't really make your music playing any holier or corrupt. I remember how taboo a touch of a Boss DS-1 was in churches. They looked at you like I summoned Satan, which I would've understood if they preferred a Fulltone OCD, a Boss OS-2 or a Hardwire Valve Distortion. All I was really doing was adding a layer of distortion while playing funky latin, reggae or calypso type of rhythms circa 2001. I never saw rock become less taboo until around 2006-2007. By then, hearing a Salsa/Merengue style of music in church was nothing new and actually was normal but a rock sound was just beginning to be welcomed.
Unfortunately, a lot of youth, like these kids, were alienated because of their sound preference. It was okay to hear Fred Hammond, Salvador, Third Day, Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, Todd Agnew and Steven Curtis Chapman but God forbid you gave ear to Demon Hunter, ReD, Oh Sleeper, The Showdown, Skillet, Narnia, Disciple or Switchfoot.
I couldn't help but while talking with these customers about how despite that, they can't just not like Jesus anymore. For crying out loud, if these old folk Christians met Christ today, they'd be in trouble. Jesus was always around anyone but religiously acceptable people. I also understand why these two kids felt the way they did -- because I was outcast the same way. I was that guy that pushed against the grain because I believe that if you are a man or woman that loves to worship God, worship Him or point to Him with anything you can. Whether it's rock, salsa, jazz, metal, reggae, tagging, henna or even with sock puppets, if the intent is to reflect God and his goodness, just do it.
Why am I bringing this up? This is due to this forever being something that will never be let go. Even if one day a music genre is no longer taboo, the damage that was done remains. The fact that many souls were alienated and enstranged by church people hangs there.
4.30.2013
To Be Spiritually Challenged
I've been digging through my brain, heart and soul searching for an answer. It's an answer that perhaps most, if not all, of my fellow Christian friends have in mind now -- why can't I stay committed to fellowship in a church? The answer hit but it disturbs me.
I don't feel spiritually challenged. Before you get your stakes, crucifixes, holy oil and bibles ready, hear me out here. I was born and raised in a Christian environment all of my life. I was even held back from getting baptized at 12 and got baptized at 13 instead. My first challenge was getting baptized. We preach about Jesus coming soon but we slow down people from making the ultimate act of commitment? New Testament depicts many times that people that wish to follow Christ repented and got baptized (almost every time the very same day). I finally got baptized...twice. How? The first time, my face wasn't fully in. The second time, they thought I was going to drown when in reality, I was all in (and using the bathroom in the process).
Then came the fasting and prayers, the whole run about spiritual gifts and ministry. Within all of that, I pursued singing, playing guitar, poetry and writing were not far behind. I found myself starting a band back in 2001. I've preached in many churches, laid hands on people, seen blind people receive sight and have played in street parks like McCarren, played at Riker's Island, played before CCC's Senior Pastor A.R. Bernard himself back in 2005 when I was still green when it came to music itself. I've played in youth conferences, clubs, lounges and bars with all intent and purpose with bringing good music to everyone and just shining the light of goodness.
Where do you go from there? Apparently nowhere. All the hype about ministry is just that -- hype. They paint you this gigantic glorious picture and everything behind is, in fact, beautiful. The ugly side? Politics. The way Christians treat politics is every bit identical to show business. They see you, a potentially great vessel for God to use. They tell you to do all these things so that you can be used by God awesomely and have open doors everywhere. You do what's asked for "God's glory". In reality, you're told that's what it is but in reality, you're doing it to get noticed, to get famous in the church. They build you up and take you everywhere, sitting with pastors, bishops, apostles, ministers, chaplains and other musicians and preachers. Once you've sat among them and led on, you cannot stop. The second you decide to take time to put in order your personal life (since it's likely out of whack due to your excess time spent in ministry), guess what? They're looking for the next person to put in the gear! When you finally get back in, they don't look out for you anymore. You're not holy enough anymore. You're told of this "next level" of ministry that you're supposed to be in. It's like a carrot dangled in your face.
Then you turn around and realized that what God really wants you to do is be like his son Jesus -- reaching out to the alien, the fatherless and the widow. To show the love of Christ to a homeless person who got served unjustly after decades of slaving away for a living, to demonstrate to someone that may not share the same faith and lifestyle that unconditional godly love is real. Jesus spent his time, even ministry time, with thieves, sluts, tax collectors and liars. You would think that in leaving the pulpit, the stage and elite groups that you would be respected, honored and held in high esteem. Talk about delusional.
You are viewed as a backslider and corrupt when you don't see it their way. When you find out that music genre doesn't translate into lifestyle, that your apparel preference doesn't change your spiritual level at all and that being around non-believers with the intent of showing them unconditional love they may not always experience as a point of reference to Someone greater than themselves and this world doesn't affect you at all -- except your social status among your "Christian superiors".
You're now the traitor, the backslider, the hypocrite, the tainted cup, the heathen and told to youth in other churches that you're the wolf in sheep's clothing, seeking to lead them astray. As a result, you no longer want any part of those people because they now have unmasked themselves for the Pharisees they are -- false Christians. They treat their faith and congregations no different than cults, fraternities, sororities and cliques.
When you want to see what can you do when you want to re-congregate and see if you can experience spiritual harmony among them, you're no different than the next person that just became a believer/witness. You're not even remembered.You're a fragment of their memory. They have you sit and listen to everything you preached (and then some) for years as though you know nothing. You're not interested in square one. You're too old for milk or even potatoes. You're there to pick up here you left off. In frustration, sitting through meetings, studies and events, you leave in despair because you know that you will never be one of them ever again. Once an Outcast, always an outcast.
I don't feel spiritually challenged. Before you get your stakes, crucifixes, holy oil and bibles ready, hear me out here. I was born and raised in a Christian environment all of my life. I was even held back from getting baptized at 12 and got baptized at 13 instead. My first challenge was getting baptized. We preach about Jesus coming soon but we slow down people from making the ultimate act of commitment? New Testament depicts many times that people that wish to follow Christ repented and got baptized (almost every time the very same day). I finally got baptized...twice. How? The first time, my face wasn't fully in. The second time, they thought I was going to drown when in reality, I was all in (and using the bathroom in the process).
Then came the fasting and prayers, the whole run about spiritual gifts and ministry. Within all of that, I pursued singing, playing guitar, poetry and writing were not far behind. I found myself starting a band back in 2001. I've preached in many churches, laid hands on people, seen blind people receive sight and have played in street parks like McCarren, played at Riker's Island, played before CCC's Senior Pastor A.R. Bernard himself back in 2005 when I was still green when it came to music itself. I've played in youth conferences, clubs, lounges and bars with all intent and purpose with bringing good music to everyone and just shining the light of goodness.
Where do you go from there? Apparently nowhere. All the hype about ministry is just that -- hype. They paint you this gigantic glorious picture and everything behind is, in fact, beautiful. The ugly side? Politics. The way Christians treat politics is every bit identical to show business. They see you, a potentially great vessel for God to use. They tell you to do all these things so that you can be used by God awesomely and have open doors everywhere. You do what's asked for "God's glory". In reality, you're told that's what it is but in reality, you're doing it to get noticed, to get famous in the church. They build you up and take you everywhere, sitting with pastors, bishops, apostles, ministers, chaplains and other musicians and preachers. Once you've sat among them and led on, you cannot stop. The second you decide to take time to put in order your personal life (since it's likely out of whack due to your excess time spent in ministry), guess what? They're looking for the next person to put in the gear! When you finally get back in, they don't look out for you anymore. You're not holy enough anymore. You're told of this "next level" of ministry that you're supposed to be in. It's like a carrot dangled in your face.
Then you turn around and realized that what God really wants you to do is be like his son Jesus -- reaching out to the alien, the fatherless and the widow. To show the love of Christ to a homeless person who got served unjustly after decades of slaving away for a living, to demonstrate to someone that may not share the same faith and lifestyle that unconditional godly love is real. Jesus spent his time, even ministry time, with thieves, sluts, tax collectors and liars. You would think that in leaving the pulpit, the stage and elite groups that you would be respected, honored and held in high esteem. Talk about delusional.
You are viewed as a backslider and corrupt when you don't see it their way. When you find out that music genre doesn't translate into lifestyle, that your apparel preference doesn't change your spiritual level at all and that being around non-believers with the intent of showing them unconditional love they may not always experience as a point of reference to Someone greater than themselves and this world doesn't affect you at all -- except your social status among your "Christian superiors".
You're now the traitor, the backslider, the hypocrite, the tainted cup, the heathen and told to youth in other churches that you're the wolf in sheep's clothing, seeking to lead them astray. As a result, you no longer want any part of those people because they now have unmasked themselves for the Pharisees they are -- false Christians. They treat their faith and congregations no different than cults, fraternities, sororities and cliques.
When you want to see what can you do when you want to re-congregate and see if you can experience spiritual harmony among them, you're no different than the next person that just became a believer/witness. You're not even remembered.You're a fragment of their memory. They have you sit and listen to everything you preached (and then some) for years as though you know nothing. You're not interested in square one. You're too old for milk or even potatoes. You're there to pick up here you left off. In frustration, sitting through meetings, studies and events, you leave in despair because you know that you will never be one of them ever again. Once an Outcast, always an outcast.
4.29.2013
Greedy for Riches, where evil starts.
There's been a lot of talk lately about what causes violence, injustice, wrongdoing and evil. Some would say vanity, pride, lust, substance addiction among many things. Let's be honest with ourselves though, what is the root of evil's essence?
My best friend would say theft because the reason a lot of things are done can be due to being robbed of something -- dignity, a job, wife, husband, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, possessions like a house, car, phone, wallet or even a smart device. A good observation and guess but even before theft, there has to be a leading motive.
What's the one thing people are always hollering for in order to have stability and control in life? Money. Now, money itself isn't wrong. It gives you access to a lot of things you could possibly want -- a license for vending practice, pay bills, get a phone, buy a new house, rent a new apartment, buy the next piece of gear for guitar. How about love for money? Now that is all sorts of evil. It opens the door to this little thing called greed.
What does greed do? It makes you want everything you can get your hands on with all intents and purposes being self-centered. Lucifer was greedy for glory, as though being God's favorite angel, even above Michael, wasn't enough. He wanted God's throne. He was greedy for glory. He'd be damned if he didn't equal himself to the Most High.
Even then, for greed to live in a person, there is yet another element that already took root in a person's soul -- pride and lust. Lust is an unhealthy desire for something, sometimes to the extent of personal enticement. You can lust for power, sex, money and fame. Greed is the element that says, "I want this so bad but just for me". Pride. Oh, how all that crave and desire is all about your ego, your needs and wants.
What do you get when you mix lust, pride and greed? "Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.", as the Devil says in The Devil's Advocate. Vanity is the creation of self-delusion that your self-centered, thoughts, wants and desires are the center of the universe and that you are unmatched, unrivaled and unequaled. There are people out there that are consumed by this disgusting thing. This quality, when welcomed by people, can become a beast that has an unquenchable thirst. It will drive you blind, delusional, mad and if left to its devices, it will certainly drive you to your death.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Paul, Philippians 4.8 ESV
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." - Paul, Galatians 5.22-23 ESV
Regardless if you, the reader and I have an agreement in spiritual or religious views, one thing is certain -- if we are to put evil out and welcome goodness in life, I believe what the Apostle Paul speaks of is something worthy to be taken into account.
My best friend would say theft because the reason a lot of things are done can be due to being robbed of something -- dignity, a job, wife, husband, family, girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, possessions like a house, car, phone, wallet or even a smart device. A good observation and guess but even before theft, there has to be a leading motive.
What's the one thing people are always hollering for in order to have stability and control in life? Money. Now, money itself isn't wrong. It gives you access to a lot of things you could possibly want -- a license for vending practice, pay bills, get a phone, buy a new house, rent a new apartment, buy the next piece of gear for guitar. How about love for money? Now that is all sorts of evil. It opens the door to this little thing called greed.
What does greed do? It makes you want everything you can get your hands on with all intents and purposes being self-centered. Lucifer was greedy for glory, as though being God's favorite angel, even above Michael, wasn't enough. He wanted God's throne. He was greedy for glory. He'd be damned if he didn't equal himself to the Most High.
Even then, for greed to live in a person, there is yet another element that already took root in a person's soul -- pride and lust. Lust is an unhealthy desire for something, sometimes to the extent of personal enticement. You can lust for power, sex, money and fame. Greed is the element that says, "I want this so bad but just for me". Pride. Oh, how all that crave and desire is all about your ego, your needs and wants.
What do you get when you mix lust, pride and greed? "Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.", as the Devil says in The Devil's Advocate. Vanity is the creation of self-delusion that your self-centered, thoughts, wants and desires are the center of the universe and that you are unmatched, unrivaled and unequaled. There are people out there that are consumed by this disgusting thing. This quality, when welcomed by people, can become a beast that has an unquenchable thirst. It will drive you blind, delusional, mad and if left to its devices, it will certainly drive you to your death.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Paul, Philippians 4.8 ESV
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." - Paul, Galatians 5.22-23 ESV
Regardless if you, the reader and I have an agreement in spiritual or religious views, one thing is certain -- if we are to put evil out and welcome goodness in life, I believe what the Apostle Paul speaks of is something worthy to be taken into account.
4.18.2013
Pursuing my real goals
For a long time, I've been sinking my teeth in retail and fitness with doing writing and music on the side. I even got the retail job every musician would think rocks and to a degree it is great because you meet fellow musicians and in the process crank up your knowledge with musical equipment and instruments. I enjoyed working in a fitness environment because you also learned better things when working out in the process and also unlearning bad fitness habits.
Lately, though, I feel as though I have been neglecting where my passion and energy should be zoned in on...art and music. I'll be blunt -- nothing would please me more than to make a living drawing, airbrushing, tagging and making music. Seeing my books sell would be even more awesome and yet I have been neglecting my talent the energy and power it deserves to be nurtured with.
I guess the question or questions I am asking are
1. Are you focused on what you truly desire to do with your life?
2. Has it hit you yet the reality that you've focused so much making money on something you're not truly passionate about?
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