Hey everyone,
It indeed has been quite a while since I've written a blog expressing what's been inside my head. I have to say there has been a lot going on. Indeed it is that within over two months a lot can change.
On August 31, 2013 Lorimer Elise Isabella Bernice Gonzalez was born to my wife and I at 9:21AM. It was a bold moment. Up to the point of actual birth, it was difficult. Induction proved to fail and thus a C Section was made to happen and it was, quite frankly, painful to witness. The joy of Lorimer's birth was there but also the momentary fear of something going wrong with your wife was also pending. With a hemorrhage that occurred during the C, I feared the worst for her as the blood splattered about the area of operation to the point that even I was not exempt to the view.
Lorimer is, through and through, my daughter in all the funniest ways. Less than an hour old, she starts sucking on her knuckles and smiling. I tell her that she'll have her Snuggles next week and suddenly she smiles and gives me the middle finger! That is just awesome. As time went on, she can loud like me, likes to be active physically like me and a lover of music like both Genesis and I. What surprised me is her positive reaction to Judas Priest's "All Guns Blazing" as I was casually listening to music on my own when suddenly I see her air guitar (another newborn development I saw aside from the finger). She can also really get laid back on Sarah Brightman, Michael Jackson, Alter Bridge, Creed, Ronnie James Dio and giggles a little to Dethklok (to no surprise like daddy). She likes seeing me get on my guitar.
Thankfully, Genesis, my beloved wife, she is recovering well although that C section scar still stings her a bit. As far as being a mother, she is new to all of it but is a fast learner to the point of paranoia -- but it has served her skill set as a mother. Granted, all of these changes can affect a woman, as wife and new mother, in a lot of ways but I find that she is handling it far better than most.
Some of you are probably wondering how am I doing now as a Floridian, husband and father? Some say they go through this world crackling experience in their head or emotions but personally I feel like it hasn't affected me at all on a grand scale of things. Granted, there is a change of culture between Florida and New York however I have never let the world I'm in affect me personally. I've never been about accommodations unless it involved the kind I created for myself as well as those in my circle. For me, it's just another day another dollar.
As a husband, I do have more responsibilities because I have to not only look after my well-being but also my wife's (and vice versa for you people who think it's a one way street). On the flip side of it, all I ever wanted was to settle down, as though wanting a girlfriend since the age of 4 wasn't enough of an indication, let alone my history of being ditched in some past relationships. I have always wanted to proudly say that I'm married and that there is someone I can go home to for the rest of my existence so for me, being married is as natural as a knee-jerk reaction.
As a father, all it did was further remind me of how much I like to take care of someone who isn't me. This is the fruit of my loins and given that I take good care of my loins, I naturally follow suit with Lorimer. Like my mom and dad, I too am a drill sergeant when it comes to baby scheduling because one tiny slip in the baby routine and Lorimer will react. For a near 6 week old, she catches on fast to that. Nothing, however, is funnier than experiencing your daughter headbutting you as though you were her wrestling opponent (we watch WWE together every week) let alone mumbling "arvudibu" (RVD?) while watching RVD vs. Randy Orton.
In Matthew 22.39, Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself" and quite honestly, when you're able to love yourself genuinely and absolutely, how you treat your daughter and wife reflects that behavior and if sometimes there is worry about yourself, how you treat them finds its way into reflecting that.
I know, some of you reading this must think that either I'm delusional or that I make it sound so easy but for me the fact of the matter is this -- you are, as it stands, your personal investment. You are your own business to take care of and guess what -- your spouse and child, in turn, are a part of that personal investment and for me, I'm all about doing, as Triple H says, "what's best for business". This also means that I don't take some things personally and just deal with it. If your baby is crying every 4 hours, that's code red for diaper plus food time. Afterward, if she's quiet around you, she loves your company. If she's antsy, play with her, put music on, read to her. If still antsy, either it's time to change diapers or she wants mommy time -- and she loves mommy quite a lot! I also don't stand there and be like, "oh my glob, what do I do?" because when I remember what my parents did with me and my siblings, lights turn on and I take care of business and if the business doesn't want to do business, I do business for the baby for her benefit.
As far as work goes, there are elements where I sincerely miss the way business is handled in NY but on the other hand there are things in FL where business on a long-term scale is more beneficial. As a father and husband, this is actually where those two factors actually change your attitude. Remember when you felt like voicing yourself on something you were adamantly agreed with to the point that you could risk losing your job or you wanted to defy all the bull because it was "the right thing"? Guess what, you better check that attitude out the door when you go to work unless it is truly affecting your personal life because when you're head of household, the household takes priority over all else. You bite your lip, shut your mouth and do your job because you have your family, your lifelong investment, to take care of. This isn't about you anymore and if you care for yourself, your family and all else that's on the line, deal with it because at the end of the day, that is what's best for your personal business -- until you branch into something bigger of course.
My father, in all his adamant attitude and absurd level of opinionated mentality, out of respect for himself as a man, husband, father and respect for my mother, myself and my siblings, he never whined, cried and complained about anything at work unless it was life-threatening. He simply checked his ego out the door, did his job and proudly took care of all of us because if he were to mouth off, he would've found himself in the unemployment line quicker than a knock knock joke.