While I'm dealing with thing or two, I thought I'd finally take the time to actually write about this. Hopefully, this will inspire a person here and there, who knows right?
About three years ago, I was a good 360 pounds. That's a major fall from grace from back in high school, when at minimum I was 234 and minimum at 282. The I started working for my job. Since then, I had no excuse, let alone a cousin who is a master trainer, an uncle who's an ex-trainer, a black belt in ninjitsu/jiujitsu and my brother, who at the time also had a stint as a trainer. Bloody hell was I determined to lose the weight and look as great as I used to.
The first thing was saying goodbye to all those damn sweets. Yup, the soda, the cakes, the excessive buffets and so on. Not an easy transition and every now and then, I'll still sneak it here and there but I've managed. I embraced great friends known as Green Tea and White Tea. I also caught up with my best friend known as Hot Sauce! Of course, I'll never let go of chicken, I'd have to be crazy.
Hitting the gym was probably one of the big things. Sometimes, like going to church, I'd push myself to hit the gym. Whether it was hitting cardio for 30 minutes, hitting the weights for about an hour or so, all in the name of regaining my former glory. Then meeting the Heavy Bag. I have one headed to my house soon and boy will it be abused like never before when it comes home!
I will admit though that I experimented on more various supplements than a junkie! From various forms of protein shakes, multivitamins, pre-workout drinks, fat burners -- been there done that. As of right now, I'm not on any of it for both financial reasons and also simple preference. Do/did I like using some of that? Of course! I didn't jump on it like it was food itself but it gave me the little kick. The only exception would be multivitamins -- you'll always need those.
Those days where you're feeling the blues, can't deal with some people because they'll act like a bunch of jack@$$e$ or just damn frustrated, take a friggin' walk. It's probably one of the most therapeutic things you can do for your body for free. Especially when people give you crap -- lots of it!
I will admit though, nothing beats the heavy bag. Sometimes, I have some fury bottled up and the only way I can let out that tension is through that effing heavy bag. Pretend it's an evil ex of yours, a bully you couldn't stand or just anyone you can live without -- and pound that bag to death! You'll find yourself breaking a sweat and before you know it, you'll have run out of steam. One time, I beat it down so bad, I literally had no anger left in me for days. I can't go on it in a happy mood. I have to be angry and pissed in order to use it.
For those who are curious as to what I used in terms of all those supplements, here are the ones I've managed to stick with (when I used them) that did me some good:
for Protein - Isopure zero Carb or Dymatize Elite
Multi-Vitamins - Opti-Men or any other multi-vitamin geared towards athletes
Fat-Burning - MRM CLA 1250, Lipo 6x or Optimum Nutrition CLA
Pre-Workout - NO Explode, HemoRAGE, NO Shotgun or Jack3d
For the record, I never have and never will use steroids. I'm not gonna judge anyone on it -- it's just my choice to steer clear from it. Maybe when I'm 80 I'll use some testosterone or HGH but until I get old, it ain't happening (laughs).
As closing comments, nothing shows better effin' results than just cutting the sweets, eating better and hitting the gym for a bit every few days. As far as my workout routines, they vary but I always keep major parts separate. Chest/Triceps one day, Back/Biceps another day, Legs/Abs another day (always putting some shoulder work on the chest and back days, of course). Hitting the bigger parts and then the smaller ones on the way down. Who knows, next week I'll probably blog my usual routines and what have you.
Peace!
Blogs by Ron Gunz
6.30.2011
6.24.2011
One Last Look
So it's Friday morning and I've had an interesting week to say the least. I found out that Brotherhood Of Outcasts will be having an audition this sunday at Brighton Beach! I'm so excited about it! It's something I would love to land because it's something different from what I'm used to. I'm thrilled about performing August 24 @ Bar Matchless with them too. It's my first official gig in over a year, let alone in my hometown of Williamsburg, Brooklyn! I'll also be getting a new classical acoustic/electric within the next month and possibly a punching bag for my apartment.
But that isn't what I'm writing about today. The reason I'm writing this blog is because as some have read on my facebook status, prepare to possibly see a new (or at least a remastered) Ron Gunz. A lot of things have happened over the past few months that have signaled that it's time for Ron to reinvent who he is -- or at least restore himself. I've seen my heart get stretched beyond its means, my head get wrenched beyond what's comfortable and my senses in a state of disorder that must be put to an end. Everyone who knows me knows a Ron who is cheerful, optimistic, strong, somewhat independent, takes charge and someone who enjoys his life. They also know me for carrying some scars from past hurts, more particularly the loss of a loved one. But after June 12, I realized that the scar of loss has apparently faded and as of now, the pain of seeing Bernice depart isn't really all that there. It's not that it doesn't suck -- believe me, I miss my baby sister more than any of you know but I found myself thinking more of living my life and if there is anything to bear in mind, it's to keep her memory alive by being the best that Ron is meant to be.
I confess that I found myself, at some point, on a level of co-dependency that is rather unhealthy. I'm sorry but Ron isn't meant to let himself be so latched onto anyone. I'm not saying that it is wrong to feel attached to family, friends and a significant other however there is a big difference between loving people and depending on that mutual love in order to live your life. As much as you can love someone and get lost in that love, the biggest mistake (which will cost you) you can do, however, is to lose who you are. When you lose who you are in the midst of it all, people will wonder where the hell are you. They'll feel as though that the person they knew (in a good light of course) is missing -- that something's off and that the person they grew to love and enjoy is missing.
If it even makes sense, I'd say that when you don't take charge and maintain who you are in the face of everything -- depression, love, romance, friendship, work, career, education, politics and faith, everything around will can and will swallow you whole. Instead of those things being a part of you, they become you. Your identity is then suppressed and strangled to the point that you are a puppet and only a shell of who you are. How does this connect with me? I found my relationship with family still somewhat decent but my relationship with friends became distant and I found myself forgetting to take care of my talents, my surroundings and especially my faith. While with people there are some compromises to be made in order to have harmonious relationships, the biggest nono, however, is to compromise what makes you who you are and what makes you unique.
I focused too much on being everyone's hero and savior at some point, completely forgetting that I have a threshold. A man can only take so much before they are stretched to the point of being torn. That's where the importance of family and friends set in -- so that while you're doing what you gotta do, they're there to support you and help you be at a little more of ease. IF they're forcing you to further stretch beyond your strength, then maybe something's up. Don't get it twisted though, some people are capable of more and sometimes don't tap into their fullest because of being used to being comfortable. I guess there has to be a balance of comfort and bringing out your best that's gotta be put into balance.
As I said on a status, "take a good look now -- because this may be the last time you see this version of Ron Gunz. Part of my changing involves re-embracing myself fully as a musician, as a writer, as a man of faith, as a brother, a role model and as a lover. Each of these aspects, right now, are kind of broken. Why? Plain and simple, in my own strength, I outstretched myself beyond the necessary and forgetting the need of balance. It took something to happen in order for me to understand that and now here I am going through a sort of metamorphosis if you will.
But that isn't what I'm writing about today. The reason I'm writing this blog is because as some have read on my facebook status, prepare to possibly see a new (or at least a remastered) Ron Gunz. A lot of things have happened over the past few months that have signaled that it's time for Ron to reinvent who he is -- or at least restore himself. I've seen my heart get stretched beyond its means, my head get wrenched beyond what's comfortable and my senses in a state of disorder that must be put to an end. Everyone who knows me knows a Ron who is cheerful, optimistic, strong, somewhat independent, takes charge and someone who enjoys his life. They also know me for carrying some scars from past hurts, more particularly the loss of a loved one. But after June 12, I realized that the scar of loss has apparently faded and as of now, the pain of seeing Bernice depart isn't really all that there. It's not that it doesn't suck -- believe me, I miss my baby sister more than any of you know but I found myself thinking more of living my life and if there is anything to bear in mind, it's to keep her memory alive by being the best that Ron is meant to be.
I confess that I found myself, at some point, on a level of co-dependency that is rather unhealthy. I'm sorry but Ron isn't meant to let himself be so latched onto anyone. I'm not saying that it is wrong to feel attached to family, friends and a significant other however there is a big difference between loving people and depending on that mutual love in order to live your life. As much as you can love someone and get lost in that love, the biggest mistake (which will cost you) you can do, however, is to lose who you are. When you lose who you are in the midst of it all, people will wonder where the hell are you. They'll feel as though that the person they knew (in a good light of course) is missing -- that something's off and that the person they grew to love and enjoy is missing.
If it even makes sense, I'd say that when you don't take charge and maintain who you are in the face of everything -- depression, love, romance, friendship, work, career, education, politics and faith, everything around will can and will swallow you whole. Instead of those things being a part of you, they become you. Your identity is then suppressed and strangled to the point that you are a puppet and only a shell of who you are. How does this connect with me? I found my relationship with family still somewhat decent but my relationship with friends became distant and I found myself forgetting to take care of my talents, my surroundings and especially my faith. While with people there are some compromises to be made in order to have harmonious relationships, the biggest nono, however, is to compromise what makes you who you are and what makes you unique.
I focused too much on being everyone's hero and savior at some point, completely forgetting that I have a threshold. A man can only take so much before they are stretched to the point of being torn. That's where the importance of family and friends set in -- so that while you're doing what you gotta do, they're there to support you and help you be at a little more of ease. IF they're forcing you to further stretch beyond your strength, then maybe something's up. Don't get it twisted though, some people are capable of more and sometimes don't tap into their fullest because of being used to being comfortable. I guess there has to be a balance of comfort and bringing out your best that's gotta be put into balance.
As I said on a status, "take a good look now -- because this may be the last time you see this version of Ron Gunz. Part of my changing involves re-embracing myself fully as a musician, as a writer, as a man of faith, as a brother, a role model and as a lover. Each of these aspects, right now, are kind of broken. Why? Plain and simple, in my own strength, I outstretched myself beyond the necessary and forgetting the need of balance. It took something to happen in order for me to understand that and now here I am going through a sort of metamorphosis if you will.
6.21.2011
latest back/biceps routine
Just for the hell of it, I thought I's share the latest workout routine I pulled off. This one is targeted to the back and biceps department.
Elliptical (MAX resistance) 10 mins
Deadlifts - 4 sets/12 reps
Shoulder Press - 4 sets/10-12 reps
Barbell Bicep Curls - 4 sets/12 reps
Preacher Curls - 4 sets/15 reps
Cable Rows - 6 sets/15 reps
Lat Pulldown - 4 sets/10-12 reps
Hammer of Thor - 4 sets/20 reps
Punching Bag 30-45 mins
Nothing too crazy or flashy. It was simple as that. Any supplements? Just your multivitamins, inner frustrations towards life and by Hispanic nature, lots of chicken as a means for protein!
Elliptical (MAX resistance) 10 mins
Deadlifts - 4 sets/12 reps
Shoulder Press - 4 sets/10-12 reps
Barbell Bicep Curls - 4 sets/12 reps
Preacher Curls - 4 sets/15 reps
Cable Rows - 6 sets/15 reps
Lat Pulldown - 4 sets/10-12 reps
Hammer of Thor - 4 sets/20 reps
Punching Bag 30-45 mins
Nothing too crazy or flashy. It was simple as that. Any supplements? Just your multivitamins, inner frustrations towards life and by Hispanic nature, lots of chicken as a means for protein!
6.16.2011
In Flames - Sounds of a Playground Fading
Of all thing this morning, reviewing the latest entry from In Flames, Sounds of a Playground Fading. To be quite honest, I won't judge this album in an entirely harsh manner. Why? They don't have two guitarists. The original lead player's gone and we're left with one. I must admit. Just on the opening title track, not effing bad, not bad at all. If you liked their Come Clarity and A Sense of Purpose albums (my favorites), it starts off with that same type of sound.
Their first single, Deliver Us, summons the sonic style of their previous album, Soundtrack To Your Escape, which is yet another favorite album of mine. If there's one observation I'm making, two songs in and there's already guitar solos! This I like, especially since guitar solos or anything close to that would be something you would expect from their earlier work.
All for Me is one of their more Alt. Metal tracks that involve more of Friden's singing and a much less of his screaming. I must say, his voice sounds more of his own and crispier. Before he used to sound more like Rob Zombie.
Puzzle goes back into their heavier sound and faster tempo and definitely holds that Come Clarity sound. Has a nice little breakdown that involves a backing riff with a subtle but very present guitar melody. I would say that the touch the guitars give to it compensate for the absence of Stromblad's keyboard/synth skills.
Fear is the Weakness further shows that In Flames, while they possibly may turn away their earlier fans, are dealing with what they got. For me, they manage to find that balance of accessibility while maintaining that aggressive touch.
Where the Dead Ships Dwell has Friden on a gritty clean vocal style. It happens to have some light synth touches due to some good guitar effects. It goes well and yet again another song with a guitar solo.
I'm gonna put a parenthesis on this for a second, as my dad would say. Some may be wondering about the subject matter within the lyrics. Like the last 2-3 albums, In Flames has here a constant line of lyrics that deal with struggle, desire for purpose, deliverance and meaning of life. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they have a better sense of emotiveness towards this kind of subject than hipsters and indie rockers. There, I said it.
The Attic has a very dark sound to it. It starts off with a really nice clean bluesy lick. It has Friden pulling a Jared Leto by doing some whispering but it works so well. The song has a different and very ambient dynamic to it.
Darker Times moves the train right back up to speed. It's a straight up metal track akin to A Sense of Purpose. Once again, a guitar solo. At this point, this is the fourth song with a guitar solo. No, it has two guitar solos. How they have managed to maintain their modern sound with even the absence of a 2nd guitarist/keyboardist will forever be beyond me but I say this, they rock.
Ropes is my favorite track just from the start. It's attention-grabbing and has Friden at his cleanest on vocals. Yet again another solo. Short but sweet. Yet again another touch of ambiance due to guitars and it works.
Enter Tragedy channels their more aggressive end. Friden delivers both the screams and the singing and, at times, sounds like both. Guitar solo yet again. If there is anything akin to vintage In Flames, it's the guitar solos, short long or otherwise. Even in this song, there is no shortage of dual melodies.
Jester's Door is a very quiet and ambient track. It's apparent that it was written in respect to Stromblad's departure, given that his leave from In Flames is to put an end to an addiction that he's needed to rid of.
A New Dawn is the following track that picks up the ball and runs with it. Funniest thing is how you have the previous track being all somber and sad and this track is like, "well, now that it's out of the way, lets get rockin'!" -- pretty funny. It has a nice middle section that invokes a touch of classical with violins and a clean guitar solo section before it picks up the crescendo with a more vibrant touch in the solo and slows back down. While one of the softer songs by In Flames, I appreciate the thoughtfulness behind the song. They give you the aggression, slow it down to something slow, somber yet soulful and then just push the aggression meter back up gradually.
Liberation is closing track. The choice of a softer song to end it is definitely uncharacteristic of In Flames and might ever scare some fans away. I can deal with it. It's a decent alternative track. Not my favorite but it's nice. It has yet another guitar solo. You didn't think they'd end this fiasco without one eh?
Out of this album I appreciated a few good things here. The guitar solos make up for albums worth of their absence from their formula. In the absence of keyboard synths, Bjorn puts that guitar to real good use and manages to create good ambiance of the likes that take the space the synths/keys once did. They managed to take the best of their sound from the last 2-3 albums and make something pleasing to the ears. Ultimately, they managed to not pull a Reroute to Remain and end up with a messy mixdown.
+ guitar solos
+ ambient guitars
+ varied composition
- softer material that will turn away diehard fans
- absence of keys/synths
-it's a short album
Their first single, Deliver Us, summons the sonic style of their previous album, Soundtrack To Your Escape, which is yet another favorite album of mine. If there's one observation I'm making, two songs in and there's already guitar solos! This I like, especially since guitar solos or anything close to that would be something you would expect from their earlier work.
All for Me is one of their more Alt. Metal tracks that involve more of Friden's singing and a much less of his screaming. I must say, his voice sounds more of his own and crispier. Before he used to sound more like Rob Zombie.
Puzzle goes back into their heavier sound and faster tempo and definitely holds that Come Clarity sound. Has a nice little breakdown that involves a backing riff with a subtle but very present guitar melody. I would say that the touch the guitars give to it compensate for the absence of Stromblad's keyboard/synth skills.
Fear is the Weakness further shows that In Flames, while they possibly may turn away their earlier fans, are dealing with what they got. For me, they manage to find that balance of accessibility while maintaining that aggressive touch.
Where the Dead Ships Dwell has Friden on a gritty clean vocal style. It happens to have some light synth touches due to some good guitar effects. It goes well and yet again another song with a guitar solo.
I'm gonna put a parenthesis on this for a second, as my dad would say. Some may be wondering about the subject matter within the lyrics. Like the last 2-3 albums, In Flames has here a constant line of lyrics that deal with struggle, desire for purpose, deliverance and meaning of life. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they have a better sense of emotiveness towards this kind of subject than hipsters and indie rockers. There, I said it.
The Attic has a very dark sound to it. It starts off with a really nice clean bluesy lick. It has Friden pulling a Jared Leto by doing some whispering but it works so well. The song has a different and very ambient dynamic to it.
Darker Times moves the train right back up to speed. It's a straight up metal track akin to A Sense of Purpose. Once again, a guitar solo. At this point, this is the fourth song with a guitar solo. No, it has two guitar solos. How they have managed to maintain their modern sound with even the absence of a 2nd guitarist/keyboardist will forever be beyond me but I say this, they rock.
Ropes is my favorite track just from the start. It's attention-grabbing and has Friden at his cleanest on vocals. Yet again another solo. Short but sweet. Yet again another touch of ambiance due to guitars and it works.
Enter Tragedy channels their more aggressive end. Friden delivers both the screams and the singing and, at times, sounds like both. Guitar solo yet again. If there is anything akin to vintage In Flames, it's the guitar solos, short long or otherwise. Even in this song, there is no shortage of dual melodies.
Jester's Door is a very quiet and ambient track. It's apparent that it was written in respect to Stromblad's departure, given that his leave from In Flames is to put an end to an addiction that he's needed to rid of.
A New Dawn is the following track that picks up the ball and runs with it. Funniest thing is how you have the previous track being all somber and sad and this track is like, "well, now that it's out of the way, lets get rockin'!" -- pretty funny. It has a nice middle section that invokes a touch of classical with violins and a clean guitar solo section before it picks up the crescendo with a more vibrant touch in the solo and slows back down. While one of the softer songs by In Flames, I appreciate the thoughtfulness behind the song. They give you the aggression, slow it down to something slow, somber yet soulful and then just push the aggression meter back up gradually.
Liberation is closing track. The choice of a softer song to end it is definitely uncharacteristic of In Flames and might ever scare some fans away. I can deal with it. It's a decent alternative track. Not my favorite but it's nice. It has yet another guitar solo. You didn't think they'd end this fiasco without one eh?
Out of this album I appreciated a few good things here. The guitar solos make up for albums worth of their absence from their formula. In the absence of keyboard synths, Bjorn puts that guitar to real good use and manages to create good ambiance of the likes that take the space the synths/keys once did. They managed to take the best of their sound from the last 2-3 albums and make something pleasing to the ears. Ultimately, they managed to not pull a Reroute to Remain and end up with a messy mixdown.
+ guitar solos
+ ambient guitars
+ varied composition
- softer material that will turn away diehard fans
- absence of keys/synths
-it's a short album
6.15.2011
When Nostalgia Hits!
Most of my readers (and friends) know exceptionally well how I can delve into nostalgia. Usually, it's in relation to entertainment from the 90's era -- whether it was Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario, Dick Tracy, Roger Rabbit (p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-leeeease!), Toonami and so forth.
These days, though, nostalgia's been hitting me harder in other areas. While I have been doing some writing this week on the way to school, a lot of old feelings about life started stirring up again. Like how friends were always around to hang out and you didn't have to always need the bus or train to get ot them. Sometimes, you just had to walk and there you go! I miss playing basketball with my peeps. I miss those days when you sat your ass on the floor in front of the TV and either watched anime or played video games with your best friends. I miss having that feeling like you mattered a lot.
Let me pause on that last thought. While I understand that some may perceive me as being a little melodramatic, truth is, it does sometimes feel like I get taken for granted. Doing the world favors, doing this or that for everyone, needing to cater to everyone else's feelings, needs or agendas. Despite how "emo", dramatic or whiny it sounds, I'm very sure all of you can relate in one shape or form. For me, there has to be, at some point or another where you can be entitled to silence everything around you. I've always been one to submit and follow orders, which is fine. We all have our bosses, leaders, etc.
In the words of Mike Tyson, "I dunno man". Perhaps the Recession has brought out the nostalgia, cynicism, frustration and longing for all that I ever asked for. I won't lie, most of what I wanted and asked for is here and now in my life and grateful for it but deep down, it just ain't enough. Perhaps part of it because of how social networking has made us, the human race, electronically bonded but humanly distant. Maybe even the fact that we have to go out and work harder (or just work, period) and when playtime does come in, we go overboard as though we've never played before. I think the hardest thing is how friendships are taken too lightly are often taken for granted.
Perhaps I'm going on one hell of a ramble but bear with me readers, it's worth it (and I need it). One of my bands' (Brotherhood Of Outcasts particularly) fans made me come to a very harsh conclusion. It's a harsh, pathetic but also a very honest one -- I'm nowhere near as motivated as I once was -- musically, spiritually, mentally and even emotionally.
Musically? If I'm not on a stage, in a gig or performing anywhere, I have no desire to even pick my guitar up. Kind of sad because it's a very electric part of who I am.
Spiritually, I find myself at times wanting to be with the Body and at times I want to be distant. I'm all in to see God's all but at the same time, my impatience gets the best of me and wishes God would grab me wherever I'm at in a literal sense and do something. There are days I could grab God and hug him to pieces and there are days, when I fixate on my frustrations with life, I give Him the silent treatment (although eventually, I'll go to Him).
Mentally, the only times I find myself being challenged and stimulated in learning and experiencing more is when I'm either with a few friends or with my girlfriend. Why? They don't/haven't lived the same lives I do. Let's be real shall we? I'm a 26 year old, 3/4 time worker at a gym, part-time student at a 4 year CUNY school, oldest kid of a family raised by Pentecostal parents and the only thing I've ever had to worry about was going to school and doing honest work. I've never experienced any abuse in the harshest sense of the word. Yes, I enjoy the occasional 'rita or some wine but that's as far as I ever go. I'm not a wild party person but not a housecat. I'm not squeaky clean but I'm not a train-wreck of debauchery either. I've never been homeless even though, in life, I've faced the very real possibility. I've never had to fight an addiction or a habit but I can't say I've never been tempted either. Sure, I like to take a risk every now and then but it's never anything over the top.
Emotionally? I'm far from being a complete whack job but there are days when I can hold my own like a Juggernaut but then there are days when I need to be pinned to the wall and be told to calm the hell down. I really am grateful for every time that my friends have been there to help me keep myself in perspective and love how my girlfriend reminds me of the strong hunk of a man that I have to be and meant to be -- life lessons included. I'm not going to say that I entirely have it all figured out but I can't say I'm entirely blind as a bat either. Michelle always reminds me that when I get a little edgy, just write. Some days it's easy and some days I just want to crawl under a pebble -- even though it'll look like a pebble is on top of me as debris!
Now that I got all of that rambling out of my mind, here's some news. For those awaiting for a solo release of the book 3ra, it ain't happening. Why? I've decided to compile Taking Over Me, Walk This Realm and 3ra all into one volume, which will be called Vol. 1. It will have all the front and back covers of those books but from now one, I'll have them all in one big book. As far as art and poetry, you will still see the combinations although now I may also include some pieces separately.
Well, I'm sorry for the load I just dumped on you but I'm done. Good night!
These days, though, nostalgia's been hitting me harder in other areas. While I have been doing some writing this week on the way to school, a lot of old feelings about life started stirring up again. Like how friends were always around to hang out and you didn't have to always need the bus or train to get ot them. Sometimes, you just had to walk and there you go! I miss playing basketball with my peeps. I miss those days when you sat your ass on the floor in front of the TV and either watched anime or played video games with your best friends. I miss having that feeling like you mattered a lot.
Let me pause on that last thought. While I understand that some may perceive me as being a little melodramatic, truth is, it does sometimes feel like I get taken for granted. Doing the world favors, doing this or that for everyone, needing to cater to everyone else's feelings, needs or agendas. Despite how "emo", dramatic or whiny it sounds, I'm very sure all of you can relate in one shape or form. For me, there has to be, at some point or another where you can be entitled to silence everything around you. I've always been one to submit and follow orders, which is fine. We all have our bosses, leaders, etc.
In the words of Mike Tyson, "I dunno man". Perhaps the Recession has brought out the nostalgia, cynicism, frustration and longing for all that I ever asked for. I won't lie, most of what I wanted and asked for is here and now in my life and grateful for it but deep down, it just ain't enough. Perhaps part of it because of how social networking has made us, the human race, electronically bonded but humanly distant. Maybe even the fact that we have to go out and work harder (or just work, period) and when playtime does come in, we go overboard as though we've never played before. I think the hardest thing is how friendships are taken too lightly are often taken for granted.
Perhaps I'm going on one hell of a ramble but bear with me readers, it's worth it (and I need it). One of my bands' (Brotherhood Of Outcasts particularly) fans made me come to a very harsh conclusion. It's a harsh, pathetic but also a very honest one -- I'm nowhere near as motivated as I once was -- musically, spiritually, mentally and even emotionally.
Musically? If I'm not on a stage, in a gig or performing anywhere, I have no desire to even pick my guitar up. Kind of sad because it's a very electric part of who I am.
Spiritually, I find myself at times wanting to be with the Body and at times I want to be distant. I'm all in to see God's all but at the same time, my impatience gets the best of me and wishes God would grab me wherever I'm at in a literal sense and do something. There are days I could grab God and hug him to pieces and there are days, when I fixate on my frustrations with life, I give Him the silent treatment (although eventually, I'll go to Him).
Mentally, the only times I find myself being challenged and stimulated in learning and experiencing more is when I'm either with a few friends or with my girlfriend. Why? They don't/haven't lived the same lives I do. Let's be real shall we? I'm a 26 year old, 3/4 time worker at a gym, part-time student at a 4 year CUNY school, oldest kid of a family raised by Pentecostal parents and the only thing I've ever had to worry about was going to school and doing honest work. I've never experienced any abuse in the harshest sense of the word. Yes, I enjoy the occasional 'rita or some wine but that's as far as I ever go. I'm not a wild party person but not a housecat. I'm not squeaky clean but I'm not a train-wreck of debauchery either. I've never been homeless even though, in life, I've faced the very real possibility. I've never had to fight an addiction or a habit but I can't say I've never been tempted either. Sure, I like to take a risk every now and then but it's never anything over the top.
Emotionally? I'm far from being a complete whack job but there are days when I can hold my own like a Juggernaut but then there are days when I need to be pinned to the wall and be told to calm the hell down. I really am grateful for every time that my friends have been there to help me keep myself in perspective and love how my girlfriend reminds me of the strong hunk of a man that I have to be and meant to be -- life lessons included. I'm not going to say that I entirely have it all figured out but I can't say I'm entirely blind as a bat either. Michelle always reminds me that when I get a little edgy, just write. Some days it's easy and some days I just want to crawl under a pebble -- even though it'll look like a pebble is on top of me as debris!
Now that I got all of that rambling out of my mind, here's some news. For those awaiting for a solo release of the book 3ra, it ain't happening. Why? I've decided to compile Taking Over Me, Walk This Realm and 3ra all into one volume, which will be called Vol. 1. It will have all the front and back covers of those books but from now one, I'll have them all in one big book. As far as art and poetry, you will still see the combinations although now I may also include some pieces separately.
Well, I'm sorry for the load I just dumped on you but I'm done. Good night!
6.12.2011
3 years later
I want to first thank my girlfriend Shell for letting us treat each other to a nice 6 month anniversary together. We had some good laughs, some fun and some peace as well. As usual, the tricky part is saying goodnight to each other. Yes, we ended up seeing Bridesmaids. It was better than I feared it to be. I believe that if we had the time (and energy), we most likely would've snuck ourselves into seeing Hangover Part II yet again!
Now as I settle in and the new day ushers itself in, it's a two-sided coin. On one hand, it's one of my cousins' birthday, which I will celebrate no matter what. Yams is that sweet funny cousin you'll always have around. On the other hand, it's been 3 years since Bernice's passing. What sucks is that I'll never be able to be "over it" or "grow numb to it". Heck, even those feelings of the whole "should've, would've, could've" have yet to subside. I will admit, however, it doesn't sting in the way it once did. The thought of it doesn't bust me wide open anymore. It feels like a scab that's beginning to go through the healing process. It doesn't depress me to a bad degree anymore. It's not that it doesn't devastate -- it simply no longer devastates to the magnitude it once did. The feelings of sorrow, regret, nostalgia and agony are still existent but it's the extent of it that isn't as prominent. I can say that's a good thing because I've needed that sense of, not numbness but rather a sense of peace about it. Perhaps I'm not 100% about it but I'm slowly getting there. You can only cry, weep, mourn and go insane for so long before you decide to let your life move forward instead of being stuck on pause. If you keep looking left or right instead of keeping your eyes on the prize, it's likely you'll see your life pass you by.
Now as I settle in and the new day ushers itself in, it's a two-sided coin. On one hand, it's one of my cousins' birthday, which I will celebrate no matter what. Yams is that sweet funny cousin you'll always have around. On the other hand, it's been 3 years since Bernice's passing. What sucks is that I'll never be able to be "over it" or "grow numb to it". Heck, even those feelings of the whole "should've, would've, could've" have yet to subside. I will admit, however, it doesn't sting in the way it once did. The thought of it doesn't bust me wide open anymore. It feels like a scab that's beginning to go through the healing process. It doesn't depress me to a bad degree anymore. It's not that it doesn't devastate -- it simply no longer devastates to the magnitude it once did. The feelings of sorrow, regret, nostalgia and agony are still existent but it's the extent of it that isn't as prominent. I can say that's a good thing because I've needed that sense of, not numbness but rather a sense of peace about it. Perhaps I'm not 100% about it but I'm slowly getting there. You can only cry, weep, mourn and go insane for so long before you decide to let your life move forward instead of being stuck on pause. If you keep looking left or right instead of keeping your eyes on the prize, it's likely you'll see your life pass you by.
6.05.2011
Gonzalez-Rosado pride
So yesterday I was doing a lot of thinking in regards to my family, my heritage and how, in a lot of ways, they make up parts of who and how I am. I gotta say, there is, indeed, quite a lot!
I remember having a talk with my dad about the Gonzalez family and how they are of Spaniard and European descent. It makes a lot of sense too since my grandpa Paco, his brothers and their ancestors all are light skinned (although a little red) with hazel eyes. Damn it do I wish I had inherited those eyes! Anyone who knows one of my family members, while we do give each other space, holy $#!t you better run for the hills if you mess with a Gonzalez! They get very verbal, protective and downright angry! When it comes to women, the Gonzalez clan are all about fidelity, protection, love, affection and having a certain level of solidarity, even if we can be quite the cavemen. Probably the only weird thing is how more socially reserved we can be. They just put you slightly at arm's length once married. Why? Whatever goes on, it's a team effort and despise outside interference, regardless if it's good interference or otherwise.
Then, from what I've learned, the Rosados are a bit different. My mom's side just so happens to have a bit of Italian blood in them thanks to my great grandpa, who was a Filpi. While that may be just a minor piece in the makeup, it seems to explain why us Rosados are so damn close as family! Anyone who knows an Italian family knows for sure they when it comes to family, they are tight and that part of the Rosado blood seems to very much be prevalent. My mom's side also happen to have a touch of redhead in their ancestry somewhere -- that's probably why I've always had a thing for red hair (laughs)! I digress from the humor.
One thing I managed to get from both ends is quite a bit of lightning. I get a little protective over my babygirl just like my dad, a sweetheart and hopeless romantic like both and have the poetic and music madness from both sides. I found out that my uncle Fen had a hidden book of poems, mom had a whole book of poems and anecdotes and my uncle Edwin from my dad's side was quite the poet. In addition, my uncle Rex from the Rosados was my first guitar teacher (and broke me in to Creed, Bush, Santana amongst others) and my grandpa Paco from the Gonzalezs has been playing guitar for years on end. I'd liken him a bit to Johnny Cash, Jose Feliciano and Bob Dylan though. The musical aspect seemed to have always caught on with my siblings too. My brother, at one point, was playing drums, Bernice almost ended up in a music school before she passed on and Tiff once had fronted a band known as Broken Strings. I happen to always end up, in one way or another, being a front man in a band, whether I want to or not but it's always a joy.
With all that said, I got a lot to be proud of when it comes to my heritage as a Hispanic of European descent that happened to, by grace, be blessed with a lot in my hands. Like they say, "to much is given, much is required".
I remember having a talk with my dad about the Gonzalez family and how they are of Spaniard and European descent. It makes a lot of sense too since my grandpa Paco, his brothers and their ancestors all are light skinned (although a little red) with hazel eyes. Damn it do I wish I had inherited those eyes! Anyone who knows one of my family members, while we do give each other space, holy $#!t you better run for the hills if you mess with a Gonzalez! They get very verbal, protective and downright angry! When it comes to women, the Gonzalez clan are all about fidelity, protection, love, affection and having a certain level of solidarity, even if we can be quite the cavemen. Probably the only weird thing is how more socially reserved we can be. They just put you slightly at arm's length once married. Why? Whatever goes on, it's a team effort and despise outside interference, regardless if it's good interference or otherwise.
Then, from what I've learned, the Rosados are a bit different. My mom's side just so happens to have a bit of Italian blood in them thanks to my great grandpa, who was a Filpi. While that may be just a minor piece in the makeup, it seems to explain why us Rosados are so damn close as family! Anyone who knows an Italian family knows for sure they when it comes to family, they are tight and that part of the Rosado blood seems to very much be prevalent. My mom's side also happen to have a touch of redhead in their ancestry somewhere -- that's probably why I've always had a thing for red hair (laughs)! I digress from the humor.
One thing I managed to get from both ends is quite a bit of lightning. I get a little protective over my babygirl just like my dad, a sweetheart and hopeless romantic like both and have the poetic and music madness from both sides. I found out that my uncle Fen had a hidden book of poems, mom had a whole book of poems and anecdotes and my uncle Edwin from my dad's side was quite the poet. In addition, my uncle Rex from the Rosados was my first guitar teacher (and broke me in to Creed, Bush, Santana amongst others) and my grandpa Paco from the Gonzalezs has been playing guitar for years on end. I'd liken him a bit to Johnny Cash, Jose Feliciano and Bob Dylan though. The musical aspect seemed to have always caught on with my siblings too. My brother, at one point, was playing drums, Bernice almost ended up in a music school before she passed on and Tiff once had fronted a band known as Broken Strings. I happen to always end up, in one way or another, being a front man in a band, whether I want to or not but it's always a joy.
With all that said, I got a lot to be proud of when it comes to my heritage as a Hispanic of European descent that happened to, by grace, be blessed with a lot in my hands. Like they say, "to much is given, much is required".
6.02.2011
Atlantic City!
Hey my fellow Ronsters!
I'm back, refreshed and a bit renewed. This getaway was not only something my girlfriend and I needed, it was something that helped refresh my perspective. As it is, I feel, in some ways, reinvigorated and a little more ready to take on this darn world.
This was my first trip ever to Atlantic City. Of course, they have multiple resorts to stay at. I managed to get Harrah's and I must say, the view there, in my opinion, was pretty darn nice. That isn't to say I didn't check out the other places, even if just from the outside.
The Boardwalk by the Showboat resort was pretty sweet as it seemed to be a much more glorified version of Coney Island's Luna City. The food at the Waterfront Buffet was very diverse and delicious. Nothing topped it off like a good cup of Chocolate Soy Milk Gelato! Their selection of fish, meat, dessert and the rest was nummy, as my girlfriend would say.
While I'm not a gambling man, yes, I did end up using the free $10 they gave me to hit the slot machines a bit. I finally understand why people get sucked in -- you start with $10, somehow crank up and get up to $15-$20. You then suddenly get a little greedy and before you know it, you're broke! You can talk all you want about moderation or controlling yourself, you will get sucked in!
The trip itself? Michelle drove at about 75 MPH and got us there in 1.5 hours instead of the 2.5 hours it should've taken. It took, however, 2 hours to head back to Staten Island due to some last minute traffic as we crossed back there.
I finally got to meet my girlfriend's latest addition to the family, Goldie! That's one big dog but I gotta say, she's a beauty and apparently has found a master and best friend in Michelle's brother.
With all said and done, I also managed to fully recover from bronchitis. I managed to go on for almost half the day without the use of the inhaler.
I'm exited of getting back to school while also enjoying this free time, as well as getting back to work tomorrow.
I have yet to see Hangover II but that isn't to say I haven't read reviews nor heard people's take on it. All I know is, I can't wait to check it out. I enjoyed the first simply because I connected with the characters in one form or another.
Apparently, I'm slowly able to intake lactose again so I guess my body just needed a vacation from milk. Pork-wise, well, it seems like I can't take it in entirely yet. I didn't puke out a few ribs I had at the buffet but I can't say I can intake it without feeling something funny in the gut.
As far as how this little vacation has refreshed my mind, I'll say this -- it's helped me step outside from my view, even for one second and learn to see the bigger picture. I have yet to find a balance between optimism and realism but I'll get there someday. Meanwhile, I'll just keep writing, studying, working and keep maturing in my faith in the meantime.
I'm back, refreshed and a bit renewed. This getaway was not only something my girlfriend and I needed, it was something that helped refresh my perspective. As it is, I feel, in some ways, reinvigorated and a little more ready to take on this darn world.
This was my first trip ever to Atlantic City. Of course, they have multiple resorts to stay at. I managed to get Harrah's and I must say, the view there, in my opinion, was pretty darn nice. That isn't to say I didn't check out the other places, even if just from the outside.
The Boardwalk by the Showboat resort was pretty sweet as it seemed to be a much more glorified version of Coney Island's Luna City. The food at the Waterfront Buffet was very diverse and delicious. Nothing topped it off like a good cup of Chocolate Soy Milk Gelato! Their selection of fish, meat, dessert and the rest was nummy, as my girlfriend would say.
While I'm not a gambling man, yes, I did end up using the free $10 they gave me to hit the slot machines a bit. I finally understand why people get sucked in -- you start with $10, somehow crank up and get up to $15-$20. You then suddenly get a little greedy and before you know it, you're broke! You can talk all you want about moderation or controlling yourself, you will get sucked in!
The trip itself? Michelle drove at about 75 MPH and got us there in 1.5 hours instead of the 2.5 hours it should've taken. It took, however, 2 hours to head back to Staten Island due to some last minute traffic as we crossed back there.
I finally got to meet my girlfriend's latest addition to the family, Goldie! That's one big dog but I gotta say, she's a beauty and apparently has found a master and best friend in Michelle's brother.
With all said and done, I also managed to fully recover from bronchitis. I managed to go on for almost half the day without the use of the inhaler.
I'm exited of getting back to school while also enjoying this free time, as well as getting back to work tomorrow.
I have yet to see Hangover II but that isn't to say I haven't read reviews nor heard people's take on it. All I know is, I can't wait to check it out. I enjoyed the first simply because I connected with the characters in one form or another.
Apparently, I'm slowly able to intake lactose again so I guess my body just needed a vacation from milk. Pork-wise, well, it seems like I can't take it in entirely yet. I didn't puke out a few ribs I had at the buffet but I can't say I can intake it without feeling something funny in the gut.
As far as how this little vacation has refreshed my mind, I'll say this -- it's helped me step outside from my view, even for one second and learn to see the bigger picture. I have yet to find a balance between optimism and realism but I'll get there someday. Meanwhile, I'll just keep writing, studying, working and keep maturing in my faith in the meantime.
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