I love the Bleach anime. It's awesome for a few reasons --
1. It's samurai in nature -- from the garbs the Shinigami wear to the Society they live in beyond physical life.
2. Shinigami aka Death gods or Soul Reapers
3. Some interesting characters.
The one character that now catches my attention looking back is Aizen, the main antagonist in the first storyline. You see him at first and he comes off as this fair and very benevolent character -- very suave, graceful, gentle and kind. Then the random murders happen and all the chaos that ensues. You find out he's the villain all along. Each Shinigami has their own special ability. In Aizen's case, it's illusion. Every time he takes out his sword, whatever you perceive will be illusion. That means whatever conspiracy, whatever event, even whatever is presented to you (even victory), if he is behind it, you will only see whatever you want to see. He'll even make you perceive someone else's death as reality when in fact it is your own or of a person entirely different of the one you see.
With that said, I find myself in a similar dilemma with most people in life these days. I don't know if it's because I have little to no faith in people, wanting to protect myself or because people have really been reduced to a certain level of stupid. I make different people see different sides of me. It is rare that anyone sees all sides of me. At work, I'm the knowledgable, middle of the road guy that doesn't do office politics and has his mind on his job. In school, I was the quiet guy who just came to class and just did simply that. In fellowship meetings with Christians, I'm just the musician who has something to say once in a while, usually ignored and not leaving any curiosity behind. With my family, they just see me on my computer, playing guitar, video games, eating, laughing.
My friends? Oh they're my shrinks! They hear most of every last thing inside my head! I become this loud and maddening man-child that speaks out ideas and thoughts everyone else in my life wouldn't care to listen to me talk.
My wife? She discovers everything about me. My likes and dislikes, what brings me up, what drags me down, what gets on my nerves and what stimulates them, what imprisons me identity-wise and what calls me out from the shadows. I leave no stone unturned to my wife. If she sees something bothering me, she will know because I know I can tell her.
It's not ironic that to your closest allies and your significant other you can be totally yourself because you don't be judged. You can totally be you. It is ironic, though, that we're told to be absolutely ourselves to everyone yet because how you perceive the other audiences, you only let them see a part of it, which eventually they think is all of it.
One of my friends has friends that when they see me, they judge only by appearance and know so little of what's inside my head. Logic would tell you, "why not let them see who you really are" but reality will tell you that there are, in fact, people that don't always need to see the other side because if they judge you based on what they see and on their own mindset, you can't expect them to change their perception or mindset ever after they see the bigger picture of your identity.
I love Jesus. I love rock. I love metal. I love music. I love guitar, video games, comic books, movies of different kinds. I love sex, lots of it but I also love my wife for accepting me as I am, love my friends because they understand me and understand how I operate and how they can help me go beyond the usual. I love the artistry within tattoos. I also love crazy weird people. You know -- the goths, the satanists, anarchists and so on. Why? They're totally opposite of what I believe in and stand for.
This goes way back in high school. Here I was this typical well-mannered and sheltered Christian guy sitting 60-80% of the time with a table loaded with metalheads. We're talking guys and girls that were into Cradle of Filth, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Nine Inch Nails, Immortal, Venom, Celtic Frost, Rob Zombie and Motorhead. Mind you, to this day, out of those bands, the only band I have on my phone is Motorhead. These guys probably found it bizarre that I sat among them but I guess they saw I was with them the same reason why they were with each other -- I didn't exactly belong. I never felt like I belonged with my own Christian kind because I felt that 9/10 they were only interested in converting you and not so much getting to know you the way Christ wants us to come to know him.
I loved their company and yes, I laughed at some of the filthy jokes that went on for the simple fact that many times it was absurd. They weren't the demonic hellspawn they were painted out to be. I guess I never got ousted because I wasn't out to convert them but rather to get to know them as people and really get where they're coming from because everyone else only saw what they wanted to see or what they perceived as comfortable to see.
I think it's also the reason why sometimes at work or in fellowship I hold back from showing everything. It's the fear that if I showed them, I will either never hear the end of their judgments or I would be exploited and burned out by them to the point that once they got everything they could out of me, I'll be tossed out as nothing more than an expendable asset.
Thus I feed people an illusion and false perception of who I am unless their curiosity and personal interest drives them to see if maybe there's something else behind the curtain.
Blogs by Ron Gunz
5.30.2013
5.19.2013
In the Darkness
"For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness." - 1 Thessalonians 5.5 (ESV)
As a follower of Christ in my own right, I have struggled with this Bible verse. It is for a very solid reason -- the night is where my strength is drawn from. By day, I struggle to do things but as soon as night falls, my energy returns. On a day of no work (and no work the next day), I can prowl the night until sunrise. Even for sleep, I need darkness to sleep peacefully.
I find daylight irritating. Every time I see it, my first reaction is, "Where's the moon, I can't deal with all this light in my face". Every time I want to do things, it's always at night but most people are either sleeping or if not in bars or clubs, places I care less to go to. Let's also include that most places are closed after 9pm-11pm.
It's quite the struggle for me because when I do want to show up to church, I wish for them to be open at 1am for me to isolate myself from the world to pray. When I desire to write, draw or record, all of my energies kick in about 1:30am. The only reason I work by day is because all my pleasurable desire comes out at night and I don't want to spend my precious energy with work. As much as I love people, I hate being surrounded by endless droves of people by day.
So it comes down to one question, "Where do I, a self-professed Christian that has all his energy for everything at night, belong"? It's bad enough that I have that issue with those of my own faith because my political and social views don't coincide with their idea of the norm.
As a follower of Christ in my own right, I have struggled with this Bible verse. It is for a very solid reason -- the night is where my strength is drawn from. By day, I struggle to do things but as soon as night falls, my energy returns. On a day of no work (and no work the next day), I can prowl the night until sunrise. Even for sleep, I need darkness to sleep peacefully.
I find daylight irritating. Every time I see it, my first reaction is, "Where's the moon, I can't deal with all this light in my face". Every time I want to do things, it's always at night but most people are either sleeping or if not in bars or clubs, places I care less to go to. Let's also include that most places are closed after 9pm-11pm.
It's quite the struggle for me because when I do want to show up to church, I wish for them to be open at 1am for me to isolate myself from the world to pray. When I desire to write, draw or record, all of my energies kick in about 1:30am. The only reason I work by day is because all my pleasurable desire comes out at night and I don't want to spend my precious energy with work. As much as I love people, I hate being surrounded by endless droves of people by day.
So it comes down to one question, "Where do I, a self-professed Christian that has all his energy for everything at night, belong"? It's bad enough that I have that issue with those of my own faith because my political and social views don't coincide with their idea of the norm.
5.10.2013
Some things never change pt. 2
In my last entry, I introduced the concept of forgiveness while also speaking about how the political stigma of music genres and their acceptance factor in church life caused the alienation of young people in the faith. In this entry I want firmly state that it only leaves room for one more issue -- falling. Perhaps it may not relate to music itself at all but forgiveness is something to be read carefully on here.
How many people must we ask forgiveness to because we shunned them over something very minute yet overblown and in turn also caused them to distance themselves from the faith. Even if that pretense isn't the best means to distance from Christ, it does not leave exempt that in approaching the matter without etiquette, class and grace, there are sheep that may have gone astray from those rash actions.
Forgiveness also matters because these days, a lot of us Christian brothers and sisters are attacked with struggles, battles and sin left and right every day. Business is encouraged and artistry isn't given more sensibility and encouragement as a means to address struggles we may have with our identities, emotional and even sexual ailments. Identity because of desire to express, something that isn't common at all in business (since business is all about money), emotional because people sometimes may feel depressed, angry, in anguish or worry and therefore, music and art are a healthy means of expression and sexual ailment because sometimes people need to help themselves to not be consumed by sexual appetite because when you lust, it can lead to a lot of manipulation, infidelity, broken hearts and even a mess in a network of friendship and even work.
In the process, a lot of Christian brothers and sisters are falling due to temptation, frustration as well as isolation. Let's be real -- social networking has crippled the definition of friendship. Friendship once met gathering together outside of work or religious environment as a means of camaraderie and genuine love and fellowship. Now people think they know you just based on your social networking page. Every person has has experienced a falling moment are just being judged and stomped on. Fearmongerers feast on them like Dracula does on blood. Let me set something straight -- you do not need to further remind someone about a failure, especially if they are very aware that what they did is wrong. It's not that I don't believe in correction, it's just that you don't need to correct someone that knows what they have to do. If you're in the wrong about something, you don't need someone to tell you, let alone step all over you.
Furthermore, as the Body of Christ, we are to show a forgiving spirit. It is one thing if the person is trapped in something and need help to get out but it's quite different when the person knows what's wrong in their life. Normally, we as humans, when we slip up and slip up bad, we tend to drive ourselves into our own personal guilt trips. The very last thing we need are a group of people stepping on us, crushing us to bits, judging us on our past mistakes.
To those that I know or don't know that have fallen or are falling, hear me out because I've been in your position. I understand the guilt that stabs into you like venom, the depression from failure that torments every brain cell and the chills of condemnation that point the finger within. Remember what John said in 1 John 1.9 ESV, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." No need to hang yourselves over your shortcomings.
"I will not allow my past to dictate my future." - CM Punk
How many people must we ask forgiveness to because we shunned them over something very minute yet overblown and in turn also caused them to distance themselves from the faith. Even if that pretense isn't the best means to distance from Christ, it does not leave exempt that in approaching the matter without etiquette, class and grace, there are sheep that may have gone astray from those rash actions.
Forgiveness also matters because these days, a lot of us Christian brothers and sisters are attacked with struggles, battles and sin left and right every day. Business is encouraged and artistry isn't given more sensibility and encouragement as a means to address struggles we may have with our identities, emotional and even sexual ailments. Identity because of desire to express, something that isn't common at all in business (since business is all about money), emotional because people sometimes may feel depressed, angry, in anguish or worry and therefore, music and art are a healthy means of expression and sexual ailment because sometimes people need to help themselves to not be consumed by sexual appetite because when you lust, it can lead to a lot of manipulation, infidelity, broken hearts and even a mess in a network of friendship and even work.
In the process, a lot of Christian brothers and sisters are falling due to temptation, frustration as well as isolation. Let's be real -- social networking has crippled the definition of friendship. Friendship once met gathering together outside of work or religious environment as a means of camaraderie and genuine love and fellowship. Now people think they know you just based on your social networking page. Every person has has experienced a falling moment are just being judged and stomped on. Fearmongerers feast on them like Dracula does on blood. Let me set something straight -- you do not need to further remind someone about a failure, especially if they are very aware that what they did is wrong. It's not that I don't believe in correction, it's just that you don't need to correct someone that knows what they have to do. If you're in the wrong about something, you don't need someone to tell you, let alone step all over you.
Furthermore, as the Body of Christ, we are to show a forgiving spirit. It is one thing if the person is trapped in something and need help to get out but it's quite different when the person knows what's wrong in their life. Normally, we as humans, when we slip up and slip up bad, we tend to drive ourselves into our own personal guilt trips. The very last thing we need are a group of people stepping on us, crushing us to bits, judging us on our past mistakes.
To those that I know or don't know that have fallen or are falling, hear me out because I've been in your position. I understand the guilt that stabs into you like venom, the depression from failure that torments every brain cell and the chills of condemnation that point the finger within. Remember what John said in 1 John 1.9 ESV, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." No need to hang yourselves over your shortcomings.
"I will not allow my past to dictate my future." - CM Punk
Some things never change pt. 1
For some crazy reason, the message of forgiveness is constantly being reflected to me every day this week. Even while at work, it traveled deep in my mind. Perhaps it's because the resurfacing of my anger towards those who feed on the falling down of others.
Yesterday I was talking to a few customers and one of them was asking for a good distortion or overdrive pedal for a warm and rocky sound in church. Granted, I gave, as always, the best recommendations that came to mind. Behind him were two young teens with the most, "what the heck" faces I've seen in a while. The older man left happily with the Fulltone OCD Overdrive and the young guys came forward. They asked, "rock in church"? I felt the flashbacks as I felt just as they did. These were kids that, at the same age I was once, were feeling outcast because of their musical preferences. Ironically, they too were ex-Pentecostals, who left the church her mother went to because they were judged over their music genre preferences. These kids weren't looking for trouble, scoring with women or doping it up. Just two kids that love guitar, love rock like I do.
Apparently, they didn't get to see how the perception of rock changed in church as years went on. Perhaps because more church people realized that a sound modification didn't really make your music playing any holier or corrupt. I remember how taboo a touch of a Boss DS-1 was in churches. They looked at you like I summoned Satan, which I would've understood if they preferred a Fulltone OCD, a Boss OS-2 or a Hardwire Valve Distortion. All I was really doing was adding a layer of distortion while playing funky latin, reggae or calypso type of rhythms circa 2001. I never saw rock become less taboo until around 2006-2007. By then, hearing a Salsa/Merengue style of music in church was nothing new and actually was normal but a rock sound was just beginning to be welcomed.
Unfortunately, a lot of youth, like these kids, were alienated because of their sound preference. It was okay to hear Fred Hammond, Salvador, Third Day, Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, Todd Agnew and Steven Curtis Chapman but God forbid you gave ear to Demon Hunter, ReD, Oh Sleeper, The Showdown, Skillet, Narnia, Disciple or Switchfoot.
I couldn't help but while talking with these customers about how despite that, they can't just not like Jesus anymore. For crying out loud, if these old folk Christians met Christ today, they'd be in trouble. Jesus was always around anyone but religiously acceptable people. I also understand why these two kids felt the way they did -- because I was outcast the same way. I was that guy that pushed against the grain because I believe that if you are a man or woman that loves to worship God, worship Him or point to Him with anything you can. Whether it's rock, salsa, jazz, metal, reggae, tagging, henna or even with sock puppets, if the intent is to reflect God and his goodness, just do it.
Why am I bringing this up? This is due to this forever being something that will never be let go. Even if one day a music genre is no longer taboo, the damage that was done remains. The fact that many souls were alienated and enstranged by church people hangs there.
Yesterday I was talking to a few customers and one of them was asking for a good distortion or overdrive pedal for a warm and rocky sound in church. Granted, I gave, as always, the best recommendations that came to mind. Behind him were two young teens with the most, "what the heck" faces I've seen in a while. The older man left happily with the Fulltone OCD Overdrive and the young guys came forward. They asked, "rock in church"? I felt the flashbacks as I felt just as they did. These were kids that, at the same age I was once, were feeling outcast because of their musical preferences. Ironically, they too were ex-Pentecostals, who left the church her mother went to because they were judged over their music genre preferences. These kids weren't looking for trouble, scoring with women or doping it up. Just two kids that love guitar, love rock like I do.
Apparently, they didn't get to see how the perception of rock changed in church as years went on. Perhaps because more church people realized that a sound modification didn't really make your music playing any holier or corrupt. I remember how taboo a touch of a Boss DS-1 was in churches. They looked at you like I summoned Satan, which I would've understood if they preferred a Fulltone OCD, a Boss OS-2 or a Hardwire Valve Distortion. All I was really doing was adding a layer of distortion while playing funky latin, reggae or calypso type of rhythms circa 2001. I never saw rock become less taboo until around 2006-2007. By then, hearing a Salsa/Merengue style of music in church was nothing new and actually was normal but a rock sound was just beginning to be welcomed.
Unfortunately, a lot of youth, like these kids, were alienated because of their sound preference. It was okay to hear Fred Hammond, Salvador, Third Day, Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, Todd Agnew and Steven Curtis Chapman but God forbid you gave ear to Demon Hunter, ReD, Oh Sleeper, The Showdown, Skillet, Narnia, Disciple or Switchfoot.
I couldn't help but while talking with these customers about how despite that, they can't just not like Jesus anymore. For crying out loud, if these old folk Christians met Christ today, they'd be in trouble. Jesus was always around anyone but religiously acceptable people. I also understand why these two kids felt the way they did -- because I was outcast the same way. I was that guy that pushed against the grain because I believe that if you are a man or woman that loves to worship God, worship Him or point to Him with anything you can. Whether it's rock, salsa, jazz, metal, reggae, tagging, henna or even with sock puppets, if the intent is to reflect God and his goodness, just do it.
Why am I bringing this up? This is due to this forever being something that will never be let go. Even if one day a music genre is no longer taboo, the damage that was done remains. The fact that many souls were alienated and enstranged by church people hangs there.
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