Until Thursday

My fellow Ronsters,

Just letting you guys know that aside from an early morning fb post, you won't be hearing from me until after Thursday afternoon. Why? I'm getting away with Michelle to the wonderful world of Atlantic City! I honestly haven't felt this exited about getting away in a long time and to have my partner in crime with me to get away with is absolute bliss.

Thought I'd also update you guys in terms of writing. It's mostly on pause for now but as it is, by a commendable request by my long time and great friend Bryan, I'm considering to fuse all three books into one. Granted, they will all be considered three separate (albeit big) chapters but all into one. Why this change?

1. It's cost-effective. It'll definitely be cheaper for everyone to buy one big book at a good price.
2. More enjoyment. It's certainly a pain in the butt to reach for the next book -- unless it's right in there!
3. Less work. Yep, less proofreading separately and it'll be all right in there for a good edit before it goes to print.

So consider this next book part re-release and part new release altogether.

Lately, I've been freshening up my music playlist. It always helps to refreshen your musical inspiration by listening to something a little different from the norm. For me, I've been tuning into some Lifehouse (No Name Face, Who We Are, Smoke & Mirrors), The recent Kirk Franklin release (Hello Fear) and especially some Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream, The Extremist). Who knows what else I'll be checking out next month. It's a slight change given that I was usually listening to a mix of Red, Decyfer Down, Michael Jackson, Skillet, Killswitch Engage and Demon Hunter within the past five months.

I've also fallen in love with Daisy Rock guitars. Yeah, I know, this is coming from a guy who loves Paul Reed Smith and Ibanez guitars over any other brand. Why? I recently jumped on one of their single cut models and was surprised at their tone. It had a very solid Ibanez sound to it and this is given that I had it plugged to a Peavey amp with the settings on Tubescreamer and JSX amp head model mode. I would have no shame in parting with my Epiphone LP Special II at this point. Of course, this goes without saying that I finally got to try the Paul Reed Smith SE Single Cut with trem -- it is still the only guitar that trumps that Daisy Rock single cut I latched onto during my visit to Guitar Center.

Now here's a better question you might ask -- Ron, what is it with you and single cut guitars? It's simple, who doesn't love a guitar with an hourglass type of body? I always consider other model types akin to Strats, Explorers, double cutaways, Telecasters and even SG models in the masculine light. I grab one of those and always call 'em boys. When I jump onto single cut type of guitars, I always call 'em my babygirls and always use the term, "she" on them.

Now for my first brief review, Mortal Kombat. Yes, the reboot. I'll go off initially saying the following -- it goes up with Super Street Fighter 4, Tekken 6 and Marvel vs. Capcom 3 as one of the best new fighting game releases of this current console generation. My biggest joy about it is how it sets the record straight and streamlines the story in a way that makes a world more of sense in contrast to before. You discover how Cyrax and Sektor came to be, how the Lin Kuei turned into an army of cyborgs, why the Outworld Invasion had happened in MK3 and even why MK3 even happened. I won't ruin the ending nor most of the story but I will say this -- you don't bypass Quan Chi. He is a far bigger threat than Goro, Shang Tsung and even Shao Kahn. Graphically, it runs on the Unreal engine just like Gears Of War and Unreal Tournament. The controls are probably the more awkward part of the game. For the most part, everything moves smoothly but when it comes to some characters and their combo's button input, it could've used a little tweaking. Raiden has a nice five hit combo and yet the input is just awkward. Character-wise, Rain and Motaro were left out, which may cause a stir with people who loved him in MK Trilogy. Additionally, Motaro is not only unplayable (like Kahn, Goro and Kintaro) but only makes a brief appearance in the game. You don't even fight him. As I did once for a few music review, I'll do the pro/con rundown on this game.

+great visuals
+almost all MK Trilogy characters
+story is simpler to understand
+fatalities are awesome
+lots of unlockables
+multiple modes to keep you busy once you're done with story mode
+Downloadable Content consists of retro costumes and fatalities for Scorpion, Sub Zero, Reptile,
Ermac, Kitana and Mileena

-Rain, Goro, Kintaro, Motaro and Shao Kahn are unplayable
-button inputs to some character combos are awkward
-you may complain if you miss the old fighting engine from Deadly Alliance and Deception.

So until my return from Atlantic City, blessing and peace be upon you all.

Love,



Ron Gunz

One of those days

The end of cold weather, snow, spring semester and the beginning of the sunny-ness. Yeah, it's that time ladies and gents. Summer, oh how I love and loathe thee. Your days are scorching but your nights are soothing. I must admit, the first five months of this year have been different than my usual. They had their share of drama, craziness, sadness, joy, peace and contemplation. Has it been worth it? You damn right it has. It's through all those moments that I've learned, grown and in some ways changed.

As I write this, yeah I'm dealing with my days of recovering from this light case of bronchitis and perhaps my life is a little weird but at the same time, I'm a little more at peace. Perhaps it's because after stumbling on the same circumstances in life, I've learned to react a little differently. Like seriously, how many times can someone react to something in their life the same way before they learn that a different approach might help a little bit?

I'm surprised I had something to write today because I've felt a bit of writer's block. Heck, I'm despising the fact that the blog I wrote about May 21 is the most viewed blog. I like that people decided to read but I'm also pissed because, well, seriously, were you really worried? The darn knucklehead that predicted that is in hiding like the spineless twirp he is. Heck, according to my dad, someone shut him down on his own show.

I guess I'll continue with my memoir while I'm here sitting at home healing up. Thought I'd let you all know that from May 30th to June 1st, you won't be hearing from me. Why? A lovely getaway, enough said.

In the process, I want to thank 'chelle for being there for me this week when I got hit with bronchitis. I swear I appreciate every last thing she's ever done for me. Yes, people, go ahead and get your barf bags out just because I'm being a little mushy.

By the way folks, the latest Pirates movie is pretty dang good. What I like about this movie series is the fact that you can watch each of them without feeling left out about the previous film. I haven't seen the first three in their entirety yet I never felt lost while watching On Stranger Tides. Depp and Cruz were graceful throughout the film. Blackbeard stole the show in my book simply due to his first appearance and his freaking awesome powers due to his sword. I found it clever how they gave the whole legend of Ponce De Leon and the Fountain of Youth a whole new twist. It definitely gave it a fresh take and good element to the whole chase of it. All I will say is, Sparrow is one tricky s.o.b.!

The 5.21.11 hoax!

I thought that out of my people, I'd go ahead and write on it. For those not in the know, there's this whole rumor of the world ending May 21, 2011...or the rapture if you will. Where did this come from? There's this book that's been going around called The Doomsday Code. According to the book, the rapture's happening tomorrow and the Earth itself will cease to exist on October 20, 2011. It's justification for such an obscene prediction is all twisted numerological pseudo-science humbug. Nitpicking numbers, times and dates like it's The DaVinci Code!

I'll say this -- this would've made as a good fictional account but to be put out and promoted last minute? This is some humbug! 1984 has more premise than this! What puts me in such an uproar is that these (God, I need to say it this way at best) freaking jack@$$e$ completely bypass essential things told to us by the New Testament!

Matthew 24.36, "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son but the Father only."

1 Thessalonians 5.2-4, "For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "There is peace and security," then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief."

Seriously, folks, no one -- not even angels, heck, not even Jesus himself! If the very Son of God doesn't know (all of which he's the one talking in that verse), who the heck are we to con people with this?! The Apostle Paul in Thessalonians is saying flat out that it's like the RKO out of nowhere! You won't be able to see it coming. You never know when a thief's gonna break in and it'll be just like that.

In closing I'll say this -- to those getting bamboozled, chill the heck out! It's definitely not going to happen. Why? God's isn't going to tell us the time and date, we won't see it coming. It could happen next week, in a few minutes, Sunday, Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Valentine's Day, the next Presidential election or even on my birthday! I rest my darn case.

Come Clarity: A Sense of Purpose

     A Few hours ago, I wrote a pretty brutal note/blog, asking for the world to be silent. Believe me, to those that gave it to me, thank you, from the sincerest of my heart, especially Frankie Carrion. You're still, in my heart, one of my best friends for this reason -- you know when Ronnie's mad to steer clear and let him think...then check up on him.

     I found myself reflecting things I love and love less about people in my life. Thankfully, there are actually few people that are poison to my life -- it just so happens that it's all on how you take it as it comes. I found myself reflecting on who I am, who I'm meant to be, my strengths and, above all, my many MANY weaknesses and shortcomings. Some of these weaknesses are costing me, if not already, cost me dearly -- perhaps nearly severing very important relationships in my life.

     My stubbornness is my biggest strength because it helps show how big a heart I have and how courageous (sometimes heroic) I can be in the face of adversity and tragedy. On the flip side, it also is my most fatal weakness because it results in short temperance, occasional selfish behavior and even saying things I don't mean that will bury me later. I admit that at times I either don't listen to those around me or I listen too much to hear my own inner voice.

    To those who got ticked at what I came off with or more so how I came off with what I said and asked for -- I'm sorry. I won't deny that someone told me I should've chosen my words wisely. Have to say, despite my writing ability, I reach a wording block, where in a fit of rant, I forget that some people are sensible to how I say certain things. Bryan, you get points for reminding me of that. Larry, you too.

     I recognize that I'm called to a higher standard in my life. Ricky reminds me every time I look in his eyes. Thank you Ricky, for being the other tough figure in my spiritual walk asides from my dad. I sat here, writing down all of my strengths and weaknesses but also my talents and what I'm meant to do in this lifetime, however short it may be or not be. Believe me, there's a lot to measure up to. Some of it, I'm not even halfway there and other things I've yet to fully mature in. Everyone has a purpose to live and I don't think I've truly grasped it until now. When I did, it became the question of, "Okay, now that I clearly see what, who, where and why I need to be, how do I get there?"

     It won't happen overnight, rest assured but I'm learning the first step -- humility. A man, even in his upmost pride, needs to hit his knees and recognize that in his pride and self-deception, he will not only suffer a fall but also a deafening crash! Oh boy, I've seen my deafening crash coming but I'm putting a halt to it now! Some say, "oh, it's too late". Sorry folks, one thing I have learned is this -- while there's still life breathing in your body, there is hope. Where there is hope, there is the opportunity and even the willpower to change. It ain't easy. Heck, it can be hell, but it can be done.

     You know the term, "I'll hold you to it"? That's a term I live by when it comes to people and it is how you can tell who can disappoint you and who's word is of honor sometimes. The "yes be your yes, your no be your no" if you will. Sometimes, though, it doesn't always apply because some that will initially let you down may surprise you in the end or later on and turn out to be your greatest allies.

     I'm reminded now of an occasion where I kept telling Larry that I, "wasn't feeling well". He was mad because of disappointment and because I'd make him look bad. Later on, though, he understood what I meant. Those occasions, he knew I wasn't "not well" in the physical sense. He knew and understood it was in the emotional and mental sense of things. Boy, those were, what, seven or eight times? At a few occasions, I even asked for time off from the band. Unlike what I would've done, he respected my decision. Sure enough, before the sun set, I reassessed my feelings and thoughts and simply came back and rolled back in, doing what I enjoy most with B.O.O. This is where I realized my mistake with the ladyfriend -- she asked of me the very same yet I didn't give her that. Who knows how much better things would be (or would have been) had I done the same. Some will say it's too late and some will say there's hope. Who knows?

Evaluation

     First off, I wanna congratulate Michelle on gettin' her Associates. It's a step up for her and look forward to her movin' on up. In other news, after almost 25 years, milk and I are getting a divorce. Nesquik, Ovaltine and Bosco, it was great while it lasted. I'm also putting an end to pork, too. My stomach no longer takes it in as I vomited whole boneless ribs Saturday morning.

     All that aside, writing my memoir is so far quite the emotional task. This is due to the emotional and mental scars I'm busting wide open with it. Believe me, talking about how people, your connections with them and how they impact your life takes a toll and it's like re-triggering the feeling. Yet, sometimes like therapy, you gotta do it over until it no longer phases you and you become numb to it.

     In the process,I'm needing to do some thinking and evaluating. To be honest, I need everyone, friends, family and even the ladyfriend to shut the hell up and let me think for myself! I'm tired of everyone giving me their two cents about everything, trying to puppeteer my life and being told what's what like I'm a teenager. Don't expect me to give anyone pure pure in any form if I can't give myself this moment to think, pray and organize. My mind is clouded and my heart is slowly taking a toll with only a ring of hope holding it together. At least that's the picture I see in my mind.

     Meanwhile, I'm gettin' my grind back on with school this fall. I may take it a little slow in terms of how many classes but it'll do in terms of my mental health. I've got some money to save, a brain to feed, needs to be met, more weight to be lost and books to complete.

 I'm also re-evaluating friendships and people. Why? I need to know who's worth keeping around and who's being toxic to me. Your real friends are there whether you're broke or not. People who love you will love you whether you're on the verge of madness or otherwise and will do whatever it takes to get you through. If anyone feels that last one, just say, "ouch!". Love holds no record of wrongs, believes always, trusts always and rejoices in the flowering of truth. That much I can leave with you all for now.

expanding my network

Hey folks,

     Just letting you guys know that I now have a tumblr. Yes, I finally gave into the trend. Why? It's simpler and has what I liked about myspace -- that amazing level of customization. Music, photos and notes all in one in a very well-sorted and clean interface. No clutter, no madness, just simple. I'll still put up my blogs on blogspot, however, in the name of simplicity, I'll be linking it with tumblr so spare people the complication of typing so damn much or even scaling through this blog or that blog entry.

     I'm happy for Michelle as she is graduating this weekend. Sadly, I can't be at neither mass nor ceremony but I will be over at the place where all her friends will be celebrating with her. It's the least Mr. Gunz can do for someone.
   
     As far as my memoir, things are looking simple but Lord the level of emotion that is already going in! I'm only 19 pages in and it's already coming in strong. I'm also planning to do a revamp on my first two books and hook in 3ra along with them into one big book. It's a suggestion Ry made and one that I think is pretty good too.

     I'm also finding myself re-inspired musically in a gradual form. Now that the weather's feeling better, I'm in the terrace with my amp, pedals and guitar and just firing away and drawing a crowd of a random 10 or 20 folks outside of my coop building.

Later peeps,



Ron

As it ticks

Confessions 5: Moment of Clarity

     From seeing Thor, hanging out with friends in the city, seeing the lovely lady, praying, spending time with family, my thoughts have been racing everywhere.

     Thinking about what's important for me, thus far, has been easier but at the same time harder. Discerning what I need now compared to a few days (or weeks) later have been a cloudier yet clearer at the same time. Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but hey, I'm having one of those weeks.

     Some say I wear my heart on my sleeve. Those who know me well, really well, know this to be true. I wouldn't say everyone sees it but it's there to those who look closely. You can say it's the result of all those years of keeping things bottled up. I'm talking about as far back as I.S. 318/FDR days, when I didn't tell anyone a thing, let alone even had an outlet for it all. Some find it in music, others in reading, film, working out and some (sad to say) in cutting.

     I found my outlet in writing. It's how I get a chance to clear my mind, even if at the expense of the public. I do it at that expense for one sole reason -- because somewhere, out there on this God-created but man-mismanaged world, someone is reading, someone is searching and someone out there is hoping that whatever struggle they deal with, that they're not alone. Someone out there grew up dealing with being a social outcast, feeling depressed (or even oppressed) by their church or denomination growing up, dealt with being bullied or ridiculed, had supposed friends that decide to up and leave when needed the most -- or that their life just plain sucks.

     Sure I work out. On occasion, I'll glue myself to the XBox. Sure, I take time to pray, read the Bible and fellowship, even if right now for once a week. Yes, I've got a guitar and a voice (just ask Michelle, my band or anyone that's seen me perform or play) -- but my first love when it comes to letting things out is writing. It comes ever so natural to me.


     Music's my channel to bear my soul out to God as well as people when words don't always cut it. Working out helps me physically let out my anger when it builds (just ask my co-workers how the punching bag I use looks like these days). My faith helps me discover more of who I'm meant to be and my place in this universe. Video games, like movies, give me the giggles. Writing, before the day is done, is how everyone sees me more as I am -- at least when I'm thinking.


     Speaking of cutting, I think it's only as of recent that I noticed the subject a little more. Sure, there are probably a lot more songs that hint at it, but the songs that caught my attention lately have been The Last Night by Skillet, Thorns by Demon Hunter and Take This Life by In Flames. The Last Night deals with a girl that feels like ending it all and deals with her family thinking it's only a phase and that everything is her fault. Thorns deals with someone in isolation and trying to redistribute the pain, partially fueled by disappointments with her life. Then there's Take This Life. The person's feeling miserable, wanting to end their life yet desiring to have a reason to live and have a miracle happen. Three songs from three different artists that are all recognizable yet almost three different takes on cutting, depression and suicide. Why this subject came to mind for me right now is beyond me but I felt it needed to be addressed in some form.

     If I had to what what I'm passionate about, you can say there are a lot of things. I'm a man of many passions and, at best, positive ones. I'm passionate about releasing emotions. I'm passionate about helping people and being a true friend and I'm sure as heck passionate about being an awesome man -- you can take that latter part however you wish.

Fresh May

     Have to say, while this month has started with quite the bang for me when it comes to writing, yesterday really jump started everything. I sat down to watch Joe Satriani's Live in Paris: I Just Wanna Rock and lemme tell ya -- that dvd is a trip on LSD all by itself! Definitely not your average live concert dvd, they made this very theatrical in presentation as well as in visuals.
     On top of that, just spending time with Ry to clear my head about some things in my life was refreshing, especially since hanging out was something that was long overdue.
     To put the cherry on top, I saw the midnight premiere of Thor. Time-wise, it competes with Lord of the Rings (seriously). Visually, by far, the most well-done film by Marvel. While some might argue that the Frost Giants look more like tall demons instead of icy giants, the fantastical elements of the world of Thor were well presented and at times, breathtaking. The action was well choreographed and lots of fun to watch. You get a few chuckles throughout the movie while you're at it, mainly due to Thor's initial inability to adapt to Earth's way of being, as well as not having his powers and reduced to a mere mortal. I would say from Chris to Natalie to even Anthony Hopkins, the acting was well-done. My only grip is that you couldn't tell whether Chris was in a real body, on steroids or if his body was in cgi the entire film. I say this because even with the use of blue screen in 300, Gerard Butler had convinced us still about his muscular tone and realism.
     Lately, I've been learning to just re-build on my faith, shedding my old self more and more and simply "embracing my inner man", as my friend NYC Lase would put it. There's a turning point in each of our lives, I think, when we sit down, reflect, think and realize that things from within have to change and some things need to be embraced and it just so happens that this particular moment has arrived for me.

Confessions 4: Thoughts and Arrangement

     Now that certain parts of me have been purged and laid to rest (for the most part), I'm at the state of mind of rearranging things in life. It's a little tricky only because while I have been taking steps to see myself turn around, my thoughts have also been partially jumbled. I refuse to ever play the blaming game, for as it stands, if your mind is slightly in maze, it is likely you have partial responsibility in it.

     Some of you may have heard about my thoughts on jumping to the Force. It's no longer happening. The truth is, escape isn't always the answer ot your problems -- you gotta face it all head on. I'm also certain that I'm not gonna rush losing a certain amount of weight in order to jump ship. By then, I'll be gettin' pretty old and find myself realizing that I would've better spent that time getting the other half of my bachelor's out of the way.

     While people at times can be letdowns, I'm learning to not be one. When you need them the most, a lot of times, they only pop up in their convenience. Real friends, they're there when possible and if in an emergency, are ready to show up. That sense of true friendship is something I'm learning to show and be. Furthermore, when it comes to love, I'm learning to show that level of heart in midst of it too.


     I'm still contemplating on whether or not to continue the English Education path or to switch gears and pursue graphic design. I'm a little torn due to the teacher layoffs and freeze but after finding out that my high school is one of the schools that need teachers, it makes me hang on a little bit.


     I'm currently trying to reassess my thoughts, feelings and the like. There are a lot of opinions that are trying to manipulate and take credence over what I should do or feel. However, so long as I continue to get hounded on all ends, I can never make a clear decision for the life of me. Those are the stuff that make one want to disappear and tell everyone around them off. Damn, I never thought I'd say it but for the first time, I am seriously annoyed by everyone's opinions and how their thoughts and feelings cause me to fight within myself. Like, I just want to be heard, acknowledged and for once, have my thoughts and feelings considered instead of people always giving me their two cents. This keeps up and I'll be checking in somewhere and it won't be pretty.

Hymn of the Hollow

Thought I'd try to see if putting my art on blogspot would work...and it did! Here's my latest creation, Hymn of the Hollow.