Confessions 4: Thoughts and Arrangement

     Now that certain parts of me have been purged and laid to rest (for the most part), I'm at the state of mind of rearranging things in life. It's a little tricky only because while I have been taking steps to see myself turn around, my thoughts have also been partially jumbled. I refuse to ever play the blaming game, for as it stands, if your mind is slightly in maze, it is likely you have partial responsibility in it.

     Some of you may have heard about my thoughts on jumping to the Force. It's no longer happening. The truth is, escape isn't always the answer ot your problems -- you gotta face it all head on. I'm also certain that I'm not gonna rush losing a certain amount of weight in order to jump ship. By then, I'll be gettin' pretty old and find myself realizing that I would've better spent that time getting the other half of my bachelor's out of the way.

     While people at times can be letdowns, I'm learning to not be one. When you need them the most, a lot of times, they only pop up in their convenience. Real friends, they're there when possible and if in an emergency, are ready to show up. That sense of true friendship is something I'm learning to show and be. Furthermore, when it comes to love, I'm learning to show that level of heart in midst of it too.


     I'm still contemplating on whether or not to continue the English Education path or to switch gears and pursue graphic design. I'm a little torn due to the teacher layoffs and freeze but after finding out that my high school is one of the schools that need teachers, it makes me hang on a little bit.


     I'm currently trying to reassess my thoughts, feelings and the like. There are a lot of opinions that are trying to manipulate and take credence over what I should do or feel. However, so long as I continue to get hounded on all ends, I can never make a clear decision for the life of me. Those are the stuff that make one want to disappear and tell everyone around them off. Damn, I never thought I'd say it but for the first time, I am seriously annoyed by everyone's opinions and how their thoughts and feelings cause me to fight within myself. Like, I just want to be heard, acknowledged and for once, have my thoughts and feelings considered instead of people always giving me their two cents. This keeps up and I'll be checking in somewhere and it won't be pretty.