So I went to this event at PCC called Masquerade, which is a 5 week study about how we tend to masquerade -- around our friends, co-workers, lovers, friends, etc. While it may be a tad obvious, we all wear masks -- okay, most of us do! Perhaps not in an obvious form but rather in more subtle ways.
It is said that we're open letters meanwhile we tend to prevent ourselves sometimes from being that. Why? It's the fear of being exposed, criticized, probed, being outside our comfort zone or even the worry of being ostracized. Usually, unless you have something very secret or dark to hide, there's no reason to put a front, right?
As time goes on, you begin to figure out whether or not you tend to put a mask on -- whether it be to maintain status, credibility, respect, popularity and so forth. For me, I realized that I don't wear too many masks and that can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it's great because that means no one can say I'm two-faced but on the other hand it leaves me void of mystique or open to be torn down if a person doesn't like me.
My friend Lucy once said, "what you see is what you get". Those words are possibly the most meaningful to me. Why? If you can't accept someone for who they are, get steppin'! Should they want to change, let it be of their own accord, not to suit your agenda. Granted, sometimes we want them to change due to things that cause them harm and a change is, in fact, in order -- but they have to not only be willing to do it but also realize that on their own.
In closing, as crazy as unmasking yourself can be, it can, in turn, expose not only yourself as you are but also, in the end, weed out the real friends from the phonies.
Blogs by Ron Gunz
8.25.2011
8.23.2011
Tales of a New York earthquake
Technically, it went down in the Mid-Atlantic. For those who don't know, NY, NJ and PA don't count because they're in the North Atlantic as is Massachusetts, Connecticut, etc. With that said, Virginia got hit with a 5.6-6.0, depending who's reporting your news.
Stories are all over the place about it having hit NYC. So where was I when the tremors resonated? I was waking up and I felt what would be equivalent to a light vibration from a cell phone. It was for 5 seconds and that was it. As I checked Facebook statuses from friends (and friends pending), I'm seeing stories of beds rumbling, stuff falling off the wall, buildings shaking and the end of the world as we know it. All mainly from Staten Island, Manhattan, Queens and a slight touch of Brooklyn. Maybe my building is firmly made for things like this but I personally didn't feel the impact at all.
With that said, what's your earthquake story?
Stories are all over the place about it having hit NYC. So where was I when the tremors resonated? I was waking up and I felt what would be equivalent to a light vibration from a cell phone. It was for 5 seconds and that was it. As I checked Facebook statuses from friends (and friends pending), I'm seeing stories of beds rumbling, stuff falling off the wall, buildings shaking and the end of the world as we know it. All mainly from Staten Island, Manhattan, Queens and a slight touch of Brooklyn. Maybe my building is firmly made for things like this but I personally didn't feel the impact at all.
With that said, what's your earthquake story?
8.22.2011
Moving forward while still peeking behind
So it's 8/22 at 1:14AM as I write this and I'm just letting my mind wander in thoughts. I might as well let it flow. School kicks back in session on Friday (meanwhile my classes are on Tuesday and Thursday, lucky me) and I've been doing some extra writing. I've also managed to come up with a comic book idea that I'm going to throw at my best friend. It's going to be quite fun! I'm also excited about getting into the rhythm of school again and just doing my thing, while also engaging new friendships and getting back in the habit of gigging on the side. I missed that aspect of my life -- to be a student, worker, great friend and a musician all in one on a more constant basis.
In the process, I've also been moving forward in certain territories but in the process, I got in contact with some familiar faces -- and my heart rests in knowing that they're okay, moving forward in their lives and that there is no animosity between us. It's also good to know that in some of our differences, we also remembered all the good and fun times we had -- let alone also poking fun at each other in good humor in terms of how we are. It's amazing how the power of positive friendships help one's heart heal a little, whereas the poisonous ones cause you to be anything but yourself.
There are things that I can't help but peek behind me about but only due to trying to see the lessons I've learned, yet to learn or learning. I used to just leave some people behind for whatever reason out of the fear of either being eventually hurt or possibly hurting them further. With some people, it's better to do that but then there are the friends you don't leave behind and it's a good thing when you try to keep close with them to a certain degree -- because in the end, they tend to remind you of your strengths and the positive aspects of your personality. Some people are realists -- balancing the positives and negatives, some are pessimists -- always on the negative and then there are the optimists -- always on the positive.
Ideally, we all want to be the idealist or even the optimist. Why? Because dwelling in negativity is like a black hole -- who the hell wants to get sucked into nihilism and melancholy mindset? Granted, optimism can be foolish at times and can make you fly all the way to space and forgetting that there's no oxygen in space. Granted, not everything will be "flower power" bright and sunny but to think of life as dark, gothic and miserable is quite a bit of a dread. It's like Raven from WCW/ECW -- how long are you gonna piss and moan going, "What about me? What about Raven"? Guess what Raven, boo frickity hoo! No one's gonna fix your problems most of the time! You gotta get off your butt and sometimes do things yourself. We can't wait on life, life is waiting on us.
I wanted to thank some very good friends for reminding me of who I am and who I ought to be and in turn, helped me snap from the miserable wreck I was slowly becoming. Many thanks to my family, Brotherhood Of Outcasts, NYC LASE, Pascal, Melissa, Cali, Victor, Joseph, Naila, Ruth, among many. It helps to know that there are people that not only know who you are and what you're capable of but also have a sense of gratitude for who you have been for them in their lives somehow and in turn have a sense of faith in who you're capable of being.
Like a wandering warrior, there are still answers that I seek and answers I wish I could have right away. There are people I wish I can bury hatchets with that are either currently refusing or are unable to do so. It really doesn't matter whose fault it was, just the making of peace is all that matters to me. My ideal has always been to live at peace with everyone so that I myself may be at peace. Being on bad terms with someone has always been one of those things that get at me, especially if it's partially my fault. With those nothing can be done about, I try to just live but with those whom I care about and feel some fault with, those are the sleep depriving ones. You have people who are very family oriented but in my case, I'm very friend-oriented.
I guess I'll close out with this -- relationships come and go but good friends and family are hard to come by -- cherish them because someday either they or you will be gone.
Song of the week - The Tide began to Rise by Demon Hunter
In the process, I've also been moving forward in certain territories but in the process, I got in contact with some familiar faces -- and my heart rests in knowing that they're okay, moving forward in their lives and that there is no animosity between us. It's also good to know that in some of our differences, we also remembered all the good and fun times we had -- let alone also poking fun at each other in good humor in terms of how we are. It's amazing how the power of positive friendships help one's heart heal a little, whereas the poisonous ones cause you to be anything but yourself.
There are things that I can't help but peek behind me about but only due to trying to see the lessons I've learned, yet to learn or learning. I used to just leave some people behind for whatever reason out of the fear of either being eventually hurt or possibly hurting them further. With some people, it's better to do that but then there are the friends you don't leave behind and it's a good thing when you try to keep close with them to a certain degree -- because in the end, they tend to remind you of your strengths and the positive aspects of your personality. Some people are realists -- balancing the positives and negatives, some are pessimists -- always on the negative and then there are the optimists -- always on the positive.
Ideally, we all want to be the idealist or even the optimist. Why? Because dwelling in negativity is like a black hole -- who the hell wants to get sucked into nihilism and melancholy mindset? Granted, optimism can be foolish at times and can make you fly all the way to space and forgetting that there's no oxygen in space. Granted, not everything will be "flower power" bright and sunny but to think of life as dark, gothic and miserable is quite a bit of a dread. It's like Raven from WCW/ECW -- how long are you gonna piss and moan going, "What about me? What about Raven"? Guess what Raven, boo frickity hoo! No one's gonna fix your problems most of the time! You gotta get off your butt and sometimes do things yourself. We can't wait on life, life is waiting on us.
I wanted to thank some very good friends for reminding me of who I am and who I ought to be and in turn, helped me snap from the miserable wreck I was slowly becoming. Many thanks to my family, Brotherhood Of Outcasts, NYC LASE, Pascal, Melissa, Cali, Victor, Joseph, Naila, Ruth, among many. It helps to know that there are people that not only know who you are and what you're capable of but also have a sense of gratitude for who you have been for them in their lives somehow and in turn have a sense of faith in who you're capable of being.
Like a wandering warrior, there are still answers that I seek and answers I wish I could have right away. There are people I wish I can bury hatchets with that are either currently refusing or are unable to do so. It really doesn't matter whose fault it was, just the making of peace is all that matters to me. My ideal has always been to live at peace with everyone so that I myself may be at peace. Being on bad terms with someone has always been one of those things that get at me, especially if it's partially my fault. With those nothing can be done about, I try to just live but with those whom I care about and feel some fault with, those are the sleep depriving ones. You have people who are very family oriented but in my case, I'm very friend-oriented.
I guess I'll close out with this -- relationships come and go but good friends and family are hard to come by -- cherish them because someday either they or you will be gone.
Song of the week - The Tide began to Rise by Demon Hunter
8.16.2011
Times have really changed, OS X Lion
Hey folks, thought I'd write something a little less mushy and a bit more observational at best. I'm going to touch base with something a bit more technology-based here, all of which I don't get to get into all that often. That thing is known as the latest operating system from Apple known as Lion.
So, you're a Mac person, eh? Same here for about the past two years. I've been on Snow Leopard since I had it -- until I heard of Lion. Once it came out, I got on it like someone in heat! I needed to see what improvements I would experience and what nice little tweaks they'd pull off. The first thing I noticed was the simplicity and fine-tuning they did on the touch pad motions. For scrolling, up goes down and down goes up. It was a bit strange but you get used to it very quickly.
Remember the clunky aspects of having multiple desktops? Gone. Like seriously, they cut it down to four desktops and by swiping with three fingers left to right (and vice versa), you switch desktops. I found that so much simpler.
Three fingers swiping up and you get a bigger view of things known as Mission Control. It lets you see everything that's going on in all the desktops, including the dashboard.
Your usual dock station goes unchanged for those that are well-accustomed to it. Then you have this little thing known as the Launchpad. It emulates a feature found on the iPod touch/iPhone/iPad, where you can put all your favorite apps together in one box and join different sets of the apps in multiple boxes. In essence, it renders the whole Stacks aspect of apps from Snow Leopard near-useless.
Textedit now has a more word processing-friendly view and arrangement. Nothing dramatic but it's arrangement in options are well done.
iCal has, by far, the most dramatic change in appearance, interface and use. That is, in my opinion, a welcome change. The clutter it used to be is no more and has a much more polished presentation and its simplicity in presentation makes organization that much easier to accomplish.
The Address Book also brought about a big change in terms of presentation. It is simpler, cleaner and has a slickness about it of which going through your contacts is quite easier.
Photo Booth now has more options in terms of effects, as well as a full screen setup. Heck, even Safari now has a full screen options and I must say, it looks great.
Now for Facetime. To be sincere, I've never really had a need for it for a few reasons: 1. Skype, 2. ooVoo, and 3. iChat. Granted, the video conferencing and its quality is what makes Facetime special but at the end of the day, if you've preferred ooVoo, Skype or even the video chat options found on iChat, then you won't be missing out on anything.
To conclude this half of the review, Lion takes Snow Leopard and fine-tunes what is already present. Is it worth it? It all depends on your sense of comfort. To me, it was worth the download.
Now for the other half of this segment. As some of you know now, I'm now in two bands -- Brotherhood Of Outcasts and Anointed Covenant. As of late, I've been hanging with the AC crew for a bit and I must say, it is interesting to see how times and people have changed. I found myself, along with my gear, playing in a few places where I can't help but feel a sense of shock. Why? Simple -- 10 years ago, I would've been burned at the stake for even having a goatee, the slightest hint of a soul patch, jeans and even the slightest overdrive on my guitar tone. Today? The game has changed. The perspective on the treatment of fellow believers and people have changed.
I recall jamming at a Baptist church looking as though I came right out of the derriere of Seattle -- Plaid/flannel shirt, jeans, sneakers and lots of scruff. Of all my guitars, I was on my 2006 PRS SE Custom (yea, the one with the Guitar Hero II sticker). I looked far from the part of your usual Sunday afternoon worship team members. I felt nothing but love there. I felt a bit on the shy side because I didn't know what to expect or what reactions would take place. Nothing but love folks, nothing but love.
Then I went to jam at an all-too-familiar kind of demographic -- the ultra-conservative M.I. Pentecostal sect. Yeah because nothing can be more testing to someone like me about acceptance than such a conservative joint, right? Apparently, yet again, I looked entirely different, possibly more out of place than the usual. I thought I was going to be crucified upside down with my guitar impaling me! Alas, just nothing but love and I couldn't help but feel shocked at the love going on. No looks of disgust or actions of awkwardness -- characteristics that I would expect from such a conservative crowd.
You're probably wondering why I'm making a bit of a fuss on the whole image/music thing. It's because within the past decade, the treatment a guy like me would get has changed. I come from a very strict and conservative Hispanic Pentecostal background -- where women with pants were judged, you'd get a doodoo face for having a beard and one heck of a grimace at the slightest overdrive on the guitar or even the wildest fill on the drum set. Where I come from, image was everything and God forbid you ever chose to go past image and go to the heart of the person. I came from a place in life where pastors, ministers and leaders focused a lot more on appearance rather than the character of the person. I can rest peacefully knowing that the perspective and treatment towards the unusual has changed for the better. The one thing that did hit home to me though was seeing something I haven't seen in a while -- kids getting inspired to jump on guitar. You'll always get people interested in singing, playing keys, bass or drums. To see a bunch of kids say that after seeing me play, they'd want to be like me on guitar, I felt humbled and blessed. I wanted to give every last one of those kids a guitar pick that night!
I may only be on my way to where I have to be in life but I'm getting there. Perhaps this change of attitude in churches today will inspire me to be more fellowship-friendly and just be able to enjoy being me again -- the guy that was care-free, not letting a darn thing chip at me and simply do what I'm meant to do best (amongst other things) -- ripping it up on guitar and makin' my babies squeal! I've got a teaching career to make flourish in time and goals to achieve and someone's heart to re-capture.
Run with the Wind,
Ron Gunz
So, you're a Mac person, eh? Same here for about the past two years. I've been on Snow Leopard since I had it -- until I heard of Lion. Once it came out, I got on it like someone in heat! I needed to see what improvements I would experience and what nice little tweaks they'd pull off. The first thing I noticed was the simplicity and fine-tuning they did on the touch pad motions. For scrolling, up goes down and down goes up. It was a bit strange but you get used to it very quickly.
Remember the clunky aspects of having multiple desktops? Gone. Like seriously, they cut it down to four desktops and by swiping with three fingers left to right (and vice versa), you switch desktops. I found that so much simpler.
Three fingers swiping up and you get a bigger view of things known as Mission Control. It lets you see everything that's going on in all the desktops, including the dashboard.
Your usual dock station goes unchanged for those that are well-accustomed to it. Then you have this little thing known as the Launchpad. It emulates a feature found on the iPod touch/iPhone/iPad, where you can put all your favorite apps together in one box and join different sets of the apps in multiple boxes. In essence, it renders the whole Stacks aspect of apps from Snow Leopard near-useless.
Textedit now has a more word processing-friendly view and arrangement. Nothing dramatic but it's arrangement in options are well done.
iCal has, by far, the most dramatic change in appearance, interface and use. That is, in my opinion, a welcome change. The clutter it used to be is no more and has a much more polished presentation and its simplicity in presentation makes organization that much easier to accomplish.
The Address Book also brought about a big change in terms of presentation. It is simpler, cleaner and has a slickness about it of which going through your contacts is quite easier.
Photo Booth now has more options in terms of effects, as well as a full screen setup. Heck, even Safari now has a full screen options and I must say, it looks great.
Now for Facetime. To be sincere, I've never really had a need for it for a few reasons: 1. Skype, 2. ooVoo, and 3. iChat. Granted, the video conferencing and its quality is what makes Facetime special but at the end of the day, if you've preferred ooVoo, Skype or even the video chat options found on iChat, then you won't be missing out on anything.
To conclude this half of the review, Lion takes Snow Leopard and fine-tunes what is already present. Is it worth it? It all depends on your sense of comfort. To me, it was worth the download.
Now for the other half of this segment. As some of you know now, I'm now in two bands -- Brotherhood Of Outcasts and Anointed Covenant. As of late, I've been hanging with the AC crew for a bit and I must say, it is interesting to see how times and people have changed. I found myself, along with my gear, playing in a few places where I can't help but feel a sense of shock. Why? Simple -- 10 years ago, I would've been burned at the stake for even having a goatee, the slightest hint of a soul patch, jeans and even the slightest overdrive on my guitar tone. Today? The game has changed. The perspective on the treatment of fellow believers and people have changed.
I recall jamming at a Baptist church looking as though I came right out of the derriere of Seattle -- Plaid/flannel shirt, jeans, sneakers and lots of scruff. Of all my guitars, I was on my 2006 PRS SE Custom (yea, the one with the Guitar Hero II sticker). I looked far from the part of your usual Sunday afternoon worship team members. I felt nothing but love there. I felt a bit on the shy side because I didn't know what to expect or what reactions would take place. Nothing but love folks, nothing but love.
Then I went to jam at an all-too-familiar kind of demographic -- the ultra-conservative M.I. Pentecostal sect. Yeah because nothing can be more testing to someone like me about acceptance than such a conservative joint, right? Apparently, yet again, I looked entirely different, possibly more out of place than the usual. I thought I was going to be crucified upside down with my guitar impaling me! Alas, just nothing but love and I couldn't help but feel shocked at the love going on. No looks of disgust or actions of awkwardness -- characteristics that I would expect from such a conservative crowd.
You're probably wondering why I'm making a bit of a fuss on the whole image/music thing. It's because within the past decade, the treatment a guy like me would get has changed. I come from a very strict and conservative Hispanic Pentecostal background -- where women with pants were judged, you'd get a doodoo face for having a beard and one heck of a grimace at the slightest overdrive on the guitar or even the wildest fill on the drum set. Where I come from, image was everything and God forbid you ever chose to go past image and go to the heart of the person. I came from a place in life where pastors, ministers and leaders focused a lot more on appearance rather than the character of the person. I can rest peacefully knowing that the perspective and treatment towards the unusual has changed for the better. The one thing that did hit home to me though was seeing something I haven't seen in a while -- kids getting inspired to jump on guitar. You'll always get people interested in singing, playing keys, bass or drums. To see a bunch of kids say that after seeing me play, they'd want to be like me on guitar, I felt humbled and blessed. I wanted to give every last one of those kids a guitar pick that night!
I may only be on my way to where I have to be in life but I'm getting there. Perhaps this change of attitude in churches today will inspire me to be more fellowship-friendly and just be able to enjoy being me again -- the guy that was care-free, not letting a darn thing chip at me and simply do what I'm meant to do best (amongst other things) -- ripping it up on guitar and makin' my babies squeal! I've got a teaching career to make flourish in time and goals to achieve and someone's heart to re-capture.
Run with the Wind,
Ron Gunz
8.07.2011
The Prodigal God -- some thoughts and reactions (so far)
About two weeks ago, one of my band members tells me about the new book he's reading -- The Prodigal God. I couldn't help but feel semi skeptical at first but I considered it a good idea to go on ahead and check it out. Of course, I ended up getting The Prodigal God - Finding Your Place at the Table, in DVD form filled with a 32 minute video and six separate sermons. On the surface, it's just the parable that we're all aware about and have a usual and typical understanding of it. Thanks to author Timothy Keller, I pretty much got something a bit different out of it.
There were several things that came to mind.
1. In a middle eastern family back in the day, to ask your dad for your share of the inheritance was like telling him to die! It would result in the kid getting physically and verbally beaten right out of the house. Shocking how the father didn't berate him and beat him out the house, huh?
2. The older brother is representative of the Pharisees and the younger (and prodigal) one are representative of tax collectors and sinners. One of them was so caught up in their self-righteousness and sense of self-entitlement while the other was caught up in their desire to a journey of self-discovery and hedonism.
3. Both brothers cared more about their inheritance than about their father. One of them wanted their inheritance right away, the other got mad that celebrating his brother's return was at his inheritance's expense (though to only a certain degree). It goes to show how much you care about people around you when you care about what they can do to/for you than for simply who they are.
4. The parable was left in a cliffhanger. All these years and I never really noticed that aspect.
Personally, it made me wonder about how we go about forgiveness and what knowing God is really like. Are we just repenting and asking for forgiveness because we realized that we've messed up on God and that we want to enjoy every aspect of Him or do we do it as a means of trying to save our skin, trying to ward off guilt about what we've done and because we'd do just fine unless otherwise?
This kind of reminds me of something I once heard about the difference between praise and worship -- how praise is just the surface. There's a difference between people that thank God for what He's done for them and those who thank Him for who He is. I know what I'm taking from all this. I wonder what others will take from it?
There were several things that came to mind.
1. In a middle eastern family back in the day, to ask your dad for your share of the inheritance was like telling him to die! It would result in the kid getting physically and verbally beaten right out of the house. Shocking how the father didn't berate him and beat him out the house, huh?
2. The older brother is representative of the Pharisees and the younger (and prodigal) one are representative of tax collectors and sinners. One of them was so caught up in their self-righteousness and sense of self-entitlement while the other was caught up in their desire to a journey of self-discovery and hedonism.
3. Both brothers cared more about their inheritance than about their father. One of them wanted their inheritance right away, the other got mad that celebrating his brother's return was at his inheritance's expense (though to only a certain degree). It goes to show how much you care about people around you when you care about what they can do to/for you than for simply who they are.
4. The parable was left in a cliffhanger. All these years and I never really noticed that aspect.
Personally, it made me wonder about how we go about forgiveness and what knowing God is really like. Are we just repenting and asking for forgiveness because we realized that we've messed up on God and that we want to enjoy every aspect of Him or do we do it as a means of trying to save our skin, trying to ward off guilt about what we've done and because we'd do just fine unless otherwise?
This kind of reminds me of something I once heard about the difference between praise and worship -- how praise is just the surface. There's a difference between people that thank God for what He's done for them and those who thank Him for who He is. I know what I'm taking from all this. I wonder what others will take from it?
6/18/11 Confessions 6: Facelift
Sometimes, when we're going through things, be it personal or impersonal, we find ways to cover up -- the fake smile, the fake laugh, endless excuses and even little white lies. All of the aforementioned examples are means to one end -- to save face. However, what happens when you need a facelift? What happens when time drags on and your cover begins to slowly disarm? We'll sometimes run or try to pull Houdini's on people we know and love. Perhaps it's because we need to clear our heads from all the cling and clatter due to the barrage of problems that attack us and have mounted to the brink of breakdown.
You could say I've been getting close to that point -- faking my laugh and smile, pretending that everything is fine and dandy. Then I listened to A Looking In View by Alice in Chains. That song summed up exactly how I've been feeling the past few days. Not the entire song but just certain parts, mainly the "crawling under my skin" and "boiling to the surface". A lot of heat's been generating in my head due to a lot of things that have been happening.
A lot of fury, frustration, anger and even a touch of resentment has been trying to find its way with me and you can only go for so long where you realize that you're at your wits end and that you need to somehow manage your way somewhat peacefully. You can be the anchor or the rock for people so long before it begins to give way on you. You begin to crack for the simple fact that as much of a Hercules you can be for someone, you too need someone to help you keep it together. That just happens to be what's been happening -- I've been feeling this burnout from one particular circumstance and I've been dealing with it for three years. However, the ripple effects that the particular event had have begun to manifest themselves and it's been catching up.
This led to me jetting right out of Brooklyn and into a few Ferry rides plus some time by the 9/11 wings. This is where I feel like my wings need to be renewed like an eagle's. My mind and heart are already purposed towards what I want and need -- it's just been a matter of renewing the strength of my mind and heart. I understand that, to some degree, I am viewed as a role model and a hero -- all of which I have always desired to be. That I've had the strength and fortitude for it, that's where the burnout has been kicking in.
As far as the rejuvenation process is concerned, I'm getting there. I was told by a friend of mine that I am resilient. I honestly never saw myself in that light but when I read the definition, it means, "able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions". Once I read that, my immediate response was, "yep, that's definitely me". A thing like this will jump on me now but give a less than a week and I'll be over it. Granted, there are exceptions to the rule but for the most part, I can take a good beating, still kick out from a pinfall and give you hell.
You could say I've been getting close to that point -- faking my laugh and smile, pretending that everything is fine and dandy. Then I listened to A Looking In View by Alice in Chains. That song summed up exactly how I've been feeling the past few days. Not the entire song but just certain parts, mainly the "crawling under my skin" and "boiling to the surface". A lot of heat's been generating in my head due to a lot of things that have been happening.
A lot of fury, frustration, anger and even a touch of resentment has been trying to find its way with me and you can only go for so long where you realize that you're at your wits end and that you need to somehow manage your way somewhat peacefully. You can be the anchor or the rock for people so long before it begins to give way on you. You begin to crack for the simple fact that as much of a Hercules you can be for someone, you too need someone to help you keep it together. That just happens to be what's been happening -- I've been feeling this burnout from one particular circumstance and I've been dealing with it for three years. However, the ripple effects that the particular event had have begun to manifest themselves and it's been catching up.
This led to me jetting right out of Brooklyn and into a few Ferry rides plus some time by the 9/11 wings. This is where I feel like my wings need to be renewed like an eagle's. My mind and heart are already purposed towards what I want and need -- it's just been a matter of renewing the strength of my mind and heart. I understand that, to some degree, I am viewed as a role model and a hero -- all of which I have always desired to be. That I've had the strength and fortitude for it, that's where the burnout has been kicking in.
As far as the rejuvenation process is concerned, I'm getting there. I was told by a friend of mine that I am resilient. I honestly never saw myself in that light but when I read the definition, it means, "able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions". Once I read that, my immediate response was, "yep, that's definitely me". A thing like this will jump on me now but give a less than a week and I'll be over it. Granted, there are exceptions to the rule but for the most part, I can take a good beating, still kick out from a pinfall and give you hell.
8.04.2011
the dry August
Apparently, August is my dry month so far. I've barely been able to write anything of value.Who knows, it could be due to stress, burnout or it simply isn't my month. You'd think with a twitching left eye and a stomach in knots would be more than enough to inspire but apparently, it isn't happening.
Taking Over Me is already revised and re-released. Heck, it's at a good price too! Walk This Realm, on the other hand, it has some work cut out for it. The former can stand alone but this one has yet to be fully blossomed. This writer's block is killing me because I need the inspiration to flow in order to be able to re-release this in the form it ought to be. The inspiration has kicked in but they're coming in small bursts. I need them to flood like rivers of living water here!
I do see this though -- Taking Over Me reflects a back and forth, almost a sense of bipolarity in emotions or in some ways, a duality. Walk This Realm, though, as it continues to be re-shaped, is looking dark. Then again, it's supposed to be about digging deep into the darker and more vulnerable side of you and believe me, it's getting there. Heck, the stuff I'm reading from what I wrote kind of jumps at me where I'm like, "dude, is that you?!" The way I see it, it's best that it reflects that dark journey for this reason -- you can never appreciate the glory if you don't know about the struggles within the person's story. Mind you, all of this before I let the 3rd book I'm working on takes its form. It's meant to close the book on my inner struggles before moving forward to the better times of life.
Taking Over Me is already revised and re-released. Heck, it's at a good price too! Walk This Realm, on the other hand, it has some work cut out for it. The former can stand alone but this one has yet to be fully blossomed. This writer's block is killing me because I need the inspiration to flow in order to be able to re-release this in the form it ought to be. The inspiration has kicked in but they're coming in small bursts. I need them to flood like rivers of living water here!
I do see this though -- Taking Over Me reflects a back and forth, almost a sense of bipolarity in emotions or in some ways, a duality. Walk This Realm, though, as it continues to be re-shaped, is looking dark. Then again, it's supposed to be about digging deep into the darker and more vulnerable side of you and believe me, it's getting there. Heck, the stuff I'm reading from what I wrote kind of jumps at me where I'm like, "dude, is that you?!" The way I see it, it's best that it reflects that dark journey for this reason -- you can never appreciate the glory if you don't know about the struggles within the person's story. Mind you, all of this before I let the 3rd book I'm working on takes its form. It's meant to close the book on my inner struggles before moving forward to the better times of life.
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