New Genesis! The end of my single life.

       I have been wrecking my brain trying to figure out how I would write this. I never thought that this point of my life would actually arrive but it is very much here. To every ex-girlfriend I had a relationship with, for better or worse, I very much thank you for allowing our mutual experiences to prepare me for this moment.

       I know what some of you are thinking, "Thanking your exs? What is wrong with you?" Think about it -- every experience, every difficulty and triumph, disappointment and small success prepares you for the big one. Every relationship I went through, I came back stronger, far more resilient and helped me understand women far more and has made me a far more versatile lover, companion, partner and friend. Every heartbreak may have left a scar but in the process made my heart stronger than the last time. There will now be a Mr. and Mrs. Gunz.

       I honestly couldn't be more proud. A woman who not only is dedicated, committed and faithful but also a great cook and good at cleaning house because God forbid I marry a woman that sucks at cooking and cleaning. It's a two way street folks. She understands me better and works better with me more than I could desire. She's stubborn but makes so much more than up for it in her fidelity, high spirit and passion about aspiring for and getting things done. I ask her for a sandwich, she makes me a big gourmet meal -- with tea! I'm the hard rockin' son of a gun and she's the semi-hippy that is bent on harmony, justice, love and stability -- all things we both are adamant about. She does dancing while I either play guitar or video games. She'll meditate while I'm working out or drawing. She fuels my fire like the earthy creature and I ignite her bush like God lit a bush up when talking to Moses.

       From here on out, I got everything I wanted. Different from how to see it become reality but I got it either way. The ends always justifies the means. I take on the role of husband, life partner, soul mate as co-provider for a future family.

       I would like to thank God for all of this. Truly, when the Bible speaks of patience being the product of tribulation, it speaks the truth. I believe without question that everything truly does work for the good for those who love God according to his will and purposes. What is crazy is how when she hunted me down, the situation couldn't be stranger. I was working, she was unemployed. December came around and we were both unemployed. Then I got a job in a month's time. Now she's going back to work in Florida to prepare for our future home while I conduct savings for when I arrive there. You know you have a help meet for you when that person decides to prepare the terrain that will be for both of you. Even better, she is me as a woman so in essence, I am being married to myself! God that's vain but funny all in one! Guess God does have a sense of humor!

       One chapter of my life finally draws to a close and another one opens. I am humbled yet proud, seduced with gratitude yet full of joy. Everyone that has been by my side through these 27 years, I thank you all. Now comes forth the rest of my life...and boy am I thrilled, excited and jittery about it!

Happiness seems like an illusion

       As of late, I've been having a lot of alone time mainly because of work. The funny thing is how at work, I don't socialize all that much apart from incoming customers because as a team we're trying to do our own thing because each of us have that money to make. So as the long hours and days go by, it just all begins to dawn upon me the way it used to when I was younger -- I will never truly be happy.

       I have lied to myself, cheated myself into believing that I'll be content but the fact remains that nothing is enough anymore. You can surround me with the greatest of friends, the friendliest of co-workers, the biggest river of inspiration for writing or recording music and throw the greatest girlfriend ever on a silver platter in front of me...My thirst for happiness has simply become insatiable.

       It really feels like I will be in this mental rut forever. I have been there since I was a teenager and I'm still there now. Despite the many blessings that have come and gone, nothing has, to this day, changed my mental and emotional world enough to not feel this way.

       I'm not sure if I'm in a state of acceptance or if I'm in a state of fighting or confession but this is how I've felt forever. Even as I prepare to move, I can literally feel that even when I finally am on my own, I have been so deeply trapped within my person psychological and emotional devices that once I am left to myself, it's all gonna surface and it may not be pretty.