Yep, this one's quite different from what I usually write but I figured I ought to do this. I'm sitting down here thinking about myself and the value within. While I can yap about my weaknesses or shortcomings, I'd much rather focus on my strengths. OF course, I found quite a bit.
1. I'm loyal and faithful - I'll never do a girl wrong and never would I backstab a friend. When I'm committed, I'm all in.
2. I'm sincere - with me, it's dangerous to the point of near-offensive but I'll say this -- neither my eyes or words have any deceit in them. My word is my bond and at this point, I've nothing to hide.
3. I'm loving - my family knows this, a particular ex-gf, despite how she feels right now, knows that this is a crucial part. I'm the guy that goes out of his way to help people 125% and sometimes am either taken for granted or not given the credit and appreciation I deserve.
4. I'm hilarious - in the face of an accident, a tragedy or hospitalization, I can always do some wisecracking, just like Spider-Man. Uncalled for? So the F what?! Laugh at the face of misery, you'll live better!
5. I'm strong - I can hold an entire family together in the midst of unexpected tragedy. Yeah folks, if there's anything I can take a righteous pride in, it's that.
6. I'm gracious - I go out of my way for people and usually never asking for anything in return. Whether it be a few bucks for a meal, pumping gas in a ladyfriend's car, paying the dinner bill or just being there for a friend who's depressed, I'm just there with my big heart.
7. I'm forgiving - I'm willing to bury hatchets, make peace (even with an enemy), forgive people of all the wrongs they've done to me and be able to move forward in time.
8. I'm stubborn - usually, this is associated with selfishness and ignorance but in my case, it's also a strength. I use my hardheadedness as a means to stay the course on a task at hand or in a situation unless it's very clear that there's no point in resuming on something. I'll fight for something until either I get it or unless it is pointless.
Blogs by Ron Gunz
4.30.2011
4.29.2011
Confessions 3: Vengeance
I mentioned previously that I'm in the process of cleansing and cleaning out a lot of junk in my life. The biggest piece of junk of all I just recently tossed out but it still teases me on a cerebral level and it's my "other side". It rarely showed itself throughout my life but when it did, it was like, "holy crapballs man, calm down".
That's my vengeful side. I used to never get mad but instead get even. It's not me anymore. I'm doing my best to avoid letting it get to me ever again. I have been used in the past, taken advantage of and never given all that much appreciation. Being left high and dry is something I had been used to getting done to me. But like I said in the last note/blog, people will always disappoint you.
There's a reason I identify so much with Two-Face from Batman, it' due to the twisted sense of dealing with justice he applies. That's how I was at times but no more. The two-faced element also affected my church life and walk with God. In church, I seemed to have it all together and seemed all chipper but deep down I had a sense of spite, anger and feeling a sense of betrayal. This is due to being outcast all my life. Either I wasn't holy enough or was too holy. Either I was entirely timid and unwilling to talk or too eager to speak my mind.
Airing all this out is part of my cleansing process and just letting myself get purified from all the madness. Either it's this or going back to my own personal type of prison and slip to the void.
As a special request, I ask that everyone keep me in your prayers about making an important decision. Now that not a lot of things are in the way anymore and there is no one person standing in the way, I'm finally considering The United States Air Force. Spare me all the nWo/conspiracy talk. I can't stop having this dance in my head or heart...it finally rushed itself back on my mind last night. The reason? I need to start my life from scratch and unlike some, I'm actually willing to go through with it. I found the recruit base in Staten Island, therefore, nothing stands in my way with it. Just pray that the good Lord give me sound advice and if He really doesn't have this lined up in my life as part of his will, He'll stop me.
That's my vengeful side. I used to never get mad but instead get even. It's not me anymore. I'm doing my best to avoid letting it get to me ever again. I have been used in the past, taken advantage of and never given all that much appreciation. Being left high and dry is something I had been used to getting done to me. But like I said in the last note/blog, people will always disappoint you.
There's a reason I identify so much with Two-Face from Batman, it' due to the twisted sense of dealing with justice he applies. That's how I was at times but no more. The two-faced element also affected my church life and walk with God. In church, I seemed to have it all together and seemed all chipper but deep down I had a sense of spite, anger and feeling a sense of betrayal. This is due to being outcast all my life. Either I wasn't holy enough or was too holy. Either I was entirely timid and unwilling to talk or too eager to speak my mind.
Airing all this out is part of my cleansing process and just letting myself get purified from all the madness. Either it's this or going back to my own personal type of prison and slip to the void.
As a special request, I ask that everyone keep me in your prayers about making an important decision. Now that not a lot of things are in the way anymore and there is no one person standing in the way, I'm finally considering The United States Air Force. Spare me all the nWo/conspiracy talk. I can't stop having this dance in my head or heart...it finally rushed itself back on my mind last night. The reason? I need to start my life from scratch and unlike some, I'm actually willing to go through with it. I found the recruit base in Staten Island, therefore, nothing stands in my way with it. Just pray that the good Lord give me sound advice and if He really doesn't have this lined up in my life as part of his will, He'll stop me.
4.27.2011
Confessions 2: The Cleansing
Everyone who read last night's note/blog know that I recently went out in the open about how I'm an absolute mess yet open, willing and ready to experience change in my life. I'll start with this -- I'm not opening myself up to change to win anyone back, nor to make fans nor to be well-liked. I'm doing this for myself because I love myself and if I can't love God nor myself fully, how can I show the kind of love that needs to be shown to others, whether it be brotherly, familial or romantic?
Part of the beginning of my cleansing was further encouraged by something Bryan told me this morning (and I paraphrase this loosely) -- forget about your agenda. We get caught up with what we want that we forget the primary goal. In my case, it's my walk. I want my talk to reflect my walk and vice versa. It's all part of growing up personally and spiritually.
I think this was for a particular purpose in my life at its current state -- I found a verse in Micah 7.5 that says, "Don't Trust Anyone -- not even your best friend or even your wife"! I was like, "whoa"! For the current moment in my life, I took it as this -- my trust needs to be in God above anyone. Your friends/girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands/peers will always disappoint you, one way or another. Want to see who your real friends are? Be broke. When they wanna hang out, tell 'em your broke. Let's see if they want to see you then. That will test if they truly care. It will separate the truth from the lie. Thankfully, that's probably the best advice my dad's given me out of many.
I'm sure that it hurt a lot of people when I went out in the open to expose my personal, as well as self-inflicted, scars. Especially people who thought they knew me all so well, thinking Ron Gunz was completely transparent. Sorry folks, there was a personal part of me that I was fighting and that was something none of you could've done for me. I just happened to finally draw the line in the sand and be like, "no secrets, time to heal". This, in itself, is a bit ironic because I'm usually the guy that has no fear in yapping my brains off about anything, even if it may piss a person or two off.
As for how I'm feeling now that's it's all out and I'm in this process? Quite liberating really. Painful though? Definitely. I'm not used to finally getting with the program and fixing myself. I'm not used to a lot of things but I'm just living and just bearing with it all. I don't have all the answers or all the solutions but I know that I'm gonna have a sense of new strength I haven't ever had and it will be noted.
Wish me the best, my beloved fans!
My Confession: Out into the Light
I'm taking this opportunity to open up to all my friends, especially my fellow Christians. I feel that, after a lot of thinking and reflecting, that a lot has to be expelled and released. I cannot live in peace nor with a clean conscience if I don't put this out there.
I have not been my true self. I have, in some way or another, either deceived some people or made them see only one side of me. Despite all my awesome qualities, it's time I let out the truth.
In 2007, that year was a year of absolute frustration and bitterness. I saw Robbed and Restored fall apart. The last straw was when Ramell left. Whatever momentum and potential we had went down the toilet. I began to get bitter. My love life was non-existent. Doors to play with others in churchs went out the window. I couldn't enjoy my church life either. My resentment began not only towards Ramell but to Bryan and even God.
In 2008, I hesitantly joined what is now Brotherhood Of Outcasts. I still had resentment and bitterness towards Bryan. My life was headed downward while he was scaling upwards. I was jealous, angry and confused. In a state of spite, I even contemplated on wreaking havoc but God definitely held my horses. It got to the point that Bryan and I were back to back and while he wanted to talk, my level of anger was as fierce as my current ex-gf's is towards me. B.O.O. had a meeting and that was a breaking point in our friendship because we weren't gonna go even half throttle if there were grudges among our bandmates. God used that opportunity to help unearth a lot of angry feelings and pain. It helped bring healing.
That year was also when my attitude towards God headed south. Dad and I were having arguments here and there and as a means to escape, I contemplated heading to the Air Force...then Bernice died. Sure, it brought the family together again but my trust in God depleted. I wished that I had been taken instead of her. I bowed out of the band for a few months in the fall to clear my head. I was also feeling weary because I felt I was carrying the emotional weight of many family members.
In 2009, I was frustrated at people altogether. People would never come to support the band at shows, let alone me. I felt alone often because of that. I began to learn what it's like to play in secular venues and how stressful it can be -- emotionally, mentally and financially. My church attendance began to decline as gigs, work and school began to be more prominent. You could say my faith was very fragile at this point. Harmony in the band was frustrating and at one point I wanted to quit music for good due to burnout.
In 2010, for a brief moment, I had burned a bridge (or tried to) with Bryan. I felt lowered and debased on a particular occasion and I chose a particular weekend day to do it. I was bitter, angry, felt betrayed and felt like absolute crap. Larry was trying to talk me out of it, Bryan was trying to reach to me, similar to a certain circumstance I'm in at this present moment. It wasn't until April that I finally chose to break my silence, pick a day and finally sit down and talk to him face to face, man to man. I let him know exactly why I burned the bridge and let out all my hurt and anger. Thank God He has a way of mending hearts.
It was also the year I lost my virginity. Yep, the cat's outta the bag folks. I was constantly ridiculed even by some peers for it and I cracked. For me, it wasn't something to save for marriage, it was something I was tired of being made fun of and I wanted out on. Any regrets? Just this one -- that I fell short before God's eyes. Did I repent for that reason? Heck yeah but the remorse and guilt traveled with me. I believe the fact that I finally broke a girl's heart later that summer was the hardest part because I swore to never break a girl's heart by dumping them...but I did.
I was also dealing with the feeling of despair all the way from end of August up to October 29th. It hit hardest October 26th and 27th. I remember the 27th I reached out to Ricky as I was on the way to school. I couldn't take the pain anymore. The feeling of worthlessness, despair, horror of loss and the desire to leave everything behind for good. October 29th was the night that I felt God's presence pierce through my heart. I began to remember what it was to feel God hug me again. I remembered that God's got his eye on me, like his eye being on the sparrow.
Then I met Michelle. I don't care what anyone says, it was love at first sight. No girl has ever caught my eye the way she did. The minute we locked eyes, dear Jesus! It seemed like the beginning of awesomeness. Not gonna lie, there were initial doubts due to conflicts she was dealing with that I will not mention out of deep respect to her for the most part. I began to remember what it was to feel a true sense of care and love for someone almost as much as you do yourself. I remember us spending Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve together. It was wonderful. I never smiled so much during the holidays since the time I got Batman & Robin on Sega Genesis!
2011 is here and I confess that I still deal with a quick temper, a level of stubbornness only rivaled and trumped by my father. I battle the feeling of worth, as certain things went down where I was like, "what the hell". Seeds of resentment and frustration began to ensue, I neglected a sense of wholesomeness that I needed to maintain and instead I let my frustrations, impulses and anger get the best of me, especially in words. As it is, I got a good line of Rosado-inherited white hairs at the age of 26!
This was also the year that I had the most special thing -- Michelle throwing a near-botched surprise birthday party @ the Renaissance diner. I'll never forget that. Up to that point though, that's when I began to learn what's it like to face real relationship problems -- whether it was listening, understanding or helping someone cope through their moments of the blues if you will.
Then the hit and run happened. I may be a walking miracle but still, I feel something like that happened due to me not knowing how to calm down and let a lady be when she needs to be alone with the blues. Frustration can lead you into saying some mislead and very mean things that, while untrue in your subconscious, can destroy relationships either permanently or for a good lengthy season. The thing with me is this -- when I know I did absolute wrong, I feel guilt on a massive scale. I find myself realizing that I need to climb back up the spiritual ladder. I'm a mess and I'm no good to anyone in a messy state. It's okay to be a mess but we're not meant to stay in the mess. I know I don't want to wallow in the messiness. I'm tired of letting things get to me and chip at me. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself as well. I'm tired, however, of everyone adding their 50 cents on everything too. I have a war within my own soul and it's a fight I must fight with only One means to really get me through.
So there ya have it folks, Ron Gunz unmasked. I had my round of frustration, anger, dirty talk, bitterness, resentment, despair and all. I'm sorry if this was too real for any of you or even TMI but a man's gotta know when to draw a line on themselves and come clean in order to live life in a clear conscience, peace of mind and wholesome relationships with people, especially with a woman they sincerely care about, regardless of anyone's opinion.
I have not been my true self. I have, in some way or another, either deceived some people or made them see only one side of me. Despite all my awesome qualities, it's time I let out the truth.
In 2007, that year was a year of absolute frustration and bitterness. I saw Robbed and Restored fall apart. The last straw was when Ramell left. Whatever momentum and potential we had went down the toilet. I began to get bitter. My love life was non-existent. Doors to play with others in churchs went out the window. I couldn't enjoy my church life either. My resentment began not only towards Ramell but to Bryan and even God.
In 2008, I hesitantly joined what is now Brotherhood Of Outcasts. I still had resentment and bitterness towards Bryan. My life was headed downward while he was scaling upwards. I was jealous, angry and confused. In a state of spite, I even contemplated on wreaking havoc but God definitely held my horses. It got to the point that Bryan and I were back to back and while he wanted to talk, my level of anger was as fierce as my current ex-gf's is towards me. B.O.O. had a meeting and that was a breaking point in our friendship because we weren't gonna go even half throttle if there were grudges among our bandmates. God used that opportunity to help unearth a lot of angry feelings and pain. It helped bring healing.
That year was also when my attitude towards God headed south. Dad and I were having arguments here and there and as a means to escape, I contemplated heading to the Air Force...then Bernice died. Sure, it brought the family together again but my trust in God depleted. I wished that I had been taken instead of her. I bowed out of the band for a few months in the fall to clear my head. I was also feeling weary because I felt I was carrying the emotional weight of many family members.
In 2009, I was frustrated at people altogether. People would never come to support the band at shows, let alone me. I felt alone often because of that. I began to learn what it's like to play in secular venues and how stressful it can be -- emotionally, mentally and financially. My church attendance began to decline as gigs, work and school began to be more prominent. You could say my faith was very fragile at this point. Harmony in the band was frustrating and at one point I wanted to quit music for good due to burnout.
In 2010, for a brief moment, I had burned a bridge (or tried to) with Bryan. I felt lowered and debased on a particular occasion and I chose a particular weekend day to do it. I was bitter, angry, felt betrayed and felt like absolute crap. Larry was trying to talk me out of it, Bryan was trying to reach to me, similar to a certain circumstance I'm in at this present moment. It wasn't until April that I finally chose to break my silence, pick a day and finally sit down and talk to him face to face, man to man. I let him know exactly why I burned the bridge and let out all my hurt and anger. Thank God He has a way of mending hearts.
It was also the year I lost my virginity. Yep, the cat's outta the bag folks. I was constantly ridiculed even by some peers for it and I cracked. For me, it wasn't something to save for marriage, it was something I was tired of being made fun of and I wanted out on. Any regrets? Just this one -- that I fell short before God's eyes. Did I repent for that reason? Heck yeah but the remorse and guilt traveled with me. I believe the fact that I finally broke a girl's heart later that summer was the hardest part because I swore to never break a girl's heart by dumping them...but I did.
I was also dealing with the feeling of despair all the way from end of August up to October 29th. It hit hardest October 26th and 27th. I remember the 27th I reached out to Ricky as I was on the way to school. I couldn't take the pain anymore. The feeling of worthlessness, despair, horror of loss and the desire to leave everything behind for good. October 29th was the night that I felt God's presence pierce through my heart. I began to remember what it was to feel God hug me again. I remembered that God's got his eye on me, like his eye being on the sparrow.
Then I met Michelle. I don't care what anyone says, it was love at first sight. No girl has ever caught my eye the way she did. The minute we locked eyes, dear Jesus! It seemed like the beginning of awesomeness. Not gonna lie, there were initial doubts due to conflicts she was dealing with that I will not mention out of deep respect to her for the most part. I began to remember what it was to feel a true sense of care and love for someone almost as much as you do yourself. I remember us spending Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve together. It was wonderful. I never smiled so much during the holidays since the time I got Batman & Robin on Sega Genesis!
2011 is here and I confess that I still deal with a quick temper, a level of stubbornness only rivaled and trumped by my father. I battle the feeling of worth, as certain things went down where I was like, "what the hell". Seeds of resentment and frustration began to ensue, I neglected a sense of wholesomeness that I needed to maintain and instead I let my frustrations, impulses and anger get the best of me, especially in words. As it is, I got a good line of Rosado-inherited white hairs at the age of 26!
This was also the year that I had the most special thing -- Michelle throwing a near-botched surprise birthday party @ the Renaissance diner. I'll never forget that. Up to that point though, that's when I began to learn what's it like to face real relationship problems -- whether it was listening, understanding or helping someone cope through their moments of the blues if you will.
Then the hit and run happened. I may be a walking miracle but still, I feel something like that happened due to me not knowing how to calm down and let a lady be when she needs to be alone with the blues. Frustration can lead you into saying some mislead and very mean things that, while untrue in your subconscious, can destroy relationships either permanently or for a good lengthy season. The thing with me is this -- when I know I did absolute wrong, I feel guilt on a massive scale. I find myself realizing that I need to climb back up the spiritual ladder. I'm a mess and I'm no good to anyone in a messy state. It's okay to be a mess but we're not meant to stay in the mess. I know I don't want to wallow in the messiness. I'm tired of letting things get to me and chip at me. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself as well. I'm tired, however, of everyone adding their 50 cents on everything too. I have a war within my own soul and it's a fight I must fight with only One means to really get me through.
So there ya have it folks, Ron Gunz unmasked. I had my round of frustration, anger, dirty talk, bitterness, resentment, despair and all. I'm sorry if this was too real for any of you or even TMI but a man's gotta know when to draw a line on themselves and come clean in order to live life in a clear conscience, peace of mind and wholesome relationships with people, especially with a woman they sincerely care about, regardless of anyone's opinion.
4.26.2011
as it goes on
Hey guys,
Thought I'd take some time to update and let you know what's going on. For those who read before, I did suffer a brain convulsion due to a mild concussion. For the most part, things are sort of okay, although some things I've had to bring change to.
I have to frequently wear my sunglasses, otherwise the headaches return. I'm constantly waking up with both nausea and a headache. Until it's noon, I can't eat without wanting to puke it all out.
On a brighter note, I've been listening to some tunes from all six of Johnny Cash's America albums. Yup, I'm taking a liking to The Man in Black. I'd like to thank the Undertaker for that, since his new entrance music is Ain't No Grave. I've also been informed by my band leader that I'm now the lead singer of Brotherhood Of Outcasts. Kind of a sock but if it's what the band wants, well, hallelujer! I just gotta get back into my frontman swagger, hit the weights more, lose some more weight and, as Sid would say, let the touching begin!
Thought I'd take some time to update and let you know what's going on. For those who read before, I did suffer a brain convulsion due to a mild concussion. For the most part, things are sort of okay, although some things I've had to bring change to.
I have to frequently wear my sunglasses, otherwise the headaches return. I'm constantly waking up with both nausea and a headache. Until it's noon, I can't eat without wanting to puke it all out.
On a brighter note, I've been listening to some tunes from all six of Johnny Cash's America albums. Yup, I'm taking a liking to The Man in Black. I'd like to thank the Undertaker for that, since his new entrance music is Ain't No Grave. I've also been informed by my band leader that I'm now the lead singer of Brotherhood Of Outcasts. Kind of a sock but if it's what the band wants, well, hallelujer! I just gotta get back into my frontman swagger, hit the weights more, lose some more weight and, as Sid would say, let the touching begin!
4.23.2011
Hit and Run
Hey guys,
For those that don't know the story and continue to ask, this is what happened and I will not repeat this ever again.
Thursday night I was headed to Chambers St. to hang out with my buddy Rob Cruz. I got there and unfortunately he was called last minute for overtime. So I jumped on the J to head home.
Being I was a bit down and a bit tired, I missed my stop on Lorimer St. so I got off on Flushing Ave. I get down on the elevator by Woodhull Medical Center. I'm about to cross when out of nowhere, I got hit on my right side. It was a hit and run as, whoever was driving, hit me and kept going.
I was out cold for about 10 minutes. When I awoke, I texted Michelle to let her know what was goin' on while I was coughing up some blood and had some nosebleed. I was hysterical as nothing of this nature's ever happened to me. She's urging to drive over and I'm like, "don't, I'll be fine", like the knucklehead I am.
I walked back to Woodhull and asked where was the emergency room. They pointed it to me, so I did as indicated. I checked in and sat as I waited. Not too long after, Michelle arrives with her friend Peige to check how I was doing. It was hard to look at her as she was crying and was a complete mess at the sight of me.
My blood pressure was at 168/80 and I had some pain on my right side. They asked me to give them a urine sample. Funny part was, I almost walked in on a female police officer. In shock, I apologized and laughed it off. They put me on the stretcher in the trauma room to relax. They also briefly did bloodwork on me. Mom saw me first, thanks to Michelle picking my sister and her up. Lord knows she was worried. Then my sis came in to know what went down. Then Michelle took some time to talk to me, as I wanted to speak to her too. Then, I finally saw her friend and thanked her for coming with my girlfriend and asked her to look out for her for me.
Finally, I was taken for some CAT scans. Then I was left in the trauma room on the side, alongside the rest of the miserable crowd there. The good news was that I had a very minor bruise between my right pectoral and my ribs and that everything, from my internals and my skeleton, was in tact. The bad news was some talk they did about a brain convulsion. I was nervous as hell. I didn't sleep until 8:30am more or less.
When I woke up around 10am, mom paid me a visit, followed by sitting there waiting for my bedroom, all of which I never saw until 8pm last night. Aside from the fries and Ginger Ale mom got me, I could not and did not eat anything, nor provided much of anything by the personnel there. Have to say, the staff that were in that room weren't very professional and were very much a bunch of sitting ducks instead of doing everything possible to move things along. Bad enough that some things were questionable, like telling a woman with cast-bound fractured foot to take the train or get car service when she also has a sprained ankle and a damaged wrist! A guy who was struggling with some testicles that kept squeezing themselves got barely any attention and a woman who had a hernia in you know where was being privately ridiculed behind her curtain because it wasn't shaved and smelled a little.
I finally got my room at 8pm -- when visiting hours were over! I didn't so much as even get a sandwich until 10:30pm. The nurse was a complete, sorry to say, bitchcunt! There, I said it! The next morning, though, I got a more decent nurse that hooked me up with breakfast and lunch and was a lot kinder and more respectful. Before they released me this afternoon, I asked the nurse why was there talk about me with a possible brain convulsion and that's when I was told that it was likely due to a mild concussion that I endured -- given that I was out cold for ten minutes. I think that alone crapped on my mood since. Good thing mom was with me to pick me up and take the train home with me.
I have to say, thank God it was just that and that I didn't suffer anything worse. My blood pressure, by the time I was released, was back to 117/60, so I knew I was okay. Looks I have to take things a little slow now...even mentally. Besides, while en route to my room, they almost took me into the psych ward. God forbid I end up there! I gotta admit, I did feel depressed for a few hours due to the news about the convulsion and concussion.
4.21.2011
worse than Superchunk!
Is it just me or do people suddenly need me to write new content every few days now? I'm finding that after a few days the viewership goes flat. Seriously, does this blog really leave people wanting more? I'm not in any way attempting to sound full of myself, it's just a trend I've noticed! I can't promise constant writing for this reason -- if it doesn't feel right or it feels like what I'm writing is an indirect commentary towards someone, I refuse to write it.
Recently, I finally sat down and watched Saw 7. I will go ahead and say this -- it's over! People have said the ending was too open-ended. It's only open-ended if you choose to see it that way. Gordon's only role was to protect Jill. Should anything happen, he would act on Jigsaw's behalf. I'm going to go ahead and ruin the movie for most of you -- she dies but so does Hoffman. With that said, there really is no new Jigsaw killer, as Gordon has no purpose nor reason for it. Not only that, if another sequel were in the works, it would've been announced by now. Plus...well, franchise milking would be way too obvious by this point. As far as the traps are concerned, anything after the first trap was pretty cool. The one with Linkin Park/Dead by Rising singer Chester Bennington was my favorite as it was possibly the most grotesque. The acting in the opening scenes made me cry of misery. Seriously, how dare they put such cheap copy and paste sub-standard acting!
Then I saw The Rite. To be real, great performance by Anthony Hopkins and while some of the scenes were intense, I found nothing special nor memorable out of the film. I don't know, maybe The Last Exorcism (in my opinion) shocked me a bit more. Like, honestly, I have nothing else to say about this film. I don't dislike it but I'm not amazed by it either.
Last night I was at PCC and, for me, it's another night of spiritual rehab. Except this time, I had taken off from this form of rehab in almost a month, so I kind of felt the tear in me going back. It was like yet again picking up where I left off, which is still at the beginning of recovery. While the core was about the addressing of violence and whatnot, we found ourselves in a barrage of talk about marriage, divorce, abuse in relationships (physical, emotional, verbal), wrath, pride, vanity, lust, gluttony, etc.
I couldn't help but walk away last night with this -- pride has its way of being the gateway to every other sin somehow in some form. My reason for saying it is this -- pride is always about the "me, me, me's" and anything but God-centered. I want to make big bucks, so I'll step on as many people as it takes to make it to the top. Greed due to Pride. I want that girl, so I'll sexify myself so I can bag her. Lust through Pride. That person offended me so I'll make their lives hell. Violence and Wrath due to Pride. Just name it and somehow, the sense of selfish Pride can be linked to it. It's very different when say the following occurs:
I need to make good money so I can help my family or at least have my own place so someday, I have something to offer my future wife and children to live. I desire that person because we know how to bring out the best in each other. That person offended me but you know what, I forgive them. Vengeance is the Lord's, let Him take care of them in how He sees fit, even if I may not agree with how He does it.
When a person can't forgive, that's Pride right there because they want the person that offended them to suffer in some form. When a person can't apologize for a wrong they've done, consciously or otherwise, that's Pride -- because they never want to admit any wrong and always believe they're right no matter what is or isn't said. When a person refuses to let go of something, knowing it can do them further harm, that's Pride because they deceive themselves into believing that they can fix it.
Do my words betray me? Sometimes but I push everyday to improve in not betraying my own words. I won't excuse myself by saying I'm human because these days, that's everyone's copout. Amongst ourselves there are a lot of "pet sins" if you will -- I'm just one of the people that have decided to break the silence and say, "enough is enough".
I'll close with a confession -- I've had my pet sins and on this day they're done away with. I'm tired of taking everything so personal to the point of holding grudges. I'm done with wanting to believe I'm always right, even if it sometimes hurts. I'm finished with being quick to react on something, even if I feel jumpy when I don't have to. I'm through with makin' this life all about me when, in the end, it isn't.
Recently, I finally sat down and watched Saw 7. I will go ahead and say this -- it's over! People have said the ending was too open-ended. It's only open-ended if you choose to see it that way. Gordon's only role was to protect Jill. Should anything happen, he would act on Jigsaw's behalf. I'm going to go ahead and ruin the movie for most of you -- she dies but so does Hoffman. With that said, there really is no new Jigsaw killer, as Gordon has no purpose nor reason for it. Not only that, if another sequel were in the works, it would've been announced by now. Plus...well, franchise milking would be way too obvious by this point. As far as the traps are concerned, anything after the first trap was pretty cool. The one with Linkin Park/Dead by Rising singer Chester Bennington was my favorite as it was possibly the most grotesque. The acting in the opening scenes made me cry of misery. Seriously, how dare they put such cheap copy and paste sub-standard acting!
Then I saw The Rite. To be real, great performance by Anthony Hopkins and while some of the scenes were intense, I found nothing special nor memorable out of the film. I don't know, maybe The Last Exorcism (in my opinion) shocked me a bit more. Like, honestly, I have nothing else to say about this film. I don't dislike it but I'm not amazed by it either.
Last night I was at PCC and, for me, it's another night of spiritual rehab. Except this time, I had taken off from this form of rehab in almost a month, so I kind of felt the tear in me going back. It was like yet again picking up where I left off, which is still at the beginning of recovery. While the core was about the addressing of violence and whatnot, we found ourselves in a barrage of talk about marriage, divorce, abuse in relationships (physical, emotional, verbal), wrath, pride, vanity, lust, gluttony, etc.
I couldn't help but walk away last night with this -- pride has its way of being the gateway to every other sin somehow in some form. My reason for saying it is this -- pride is always about the "me, me, me's" and anything but God-centered. I want to make big bucks, so I'll step on as many people as it takes to make it to the top. Greed due to Pride. I want that girl, so I'll sexify myself so I can bag her. Lust through Pride. That person offended me so I'll make their lives hell. Violence and Wrath due to Pride. Just name it and somehow, the sense of selfish Pride can be linked to it. It's very different when say the following occurs:
I need to make good money so I can help my family or at least have my own place so someday, I have something to offer my future wife and children to live. I desire that person because we know how to bring out the best in each other. That person offended me but you know what, I forgive them. Vengeance is the Lord's, let Him take care of them in how He sees fit, even if I may not agree with how He does it.
When a person can't forgive, that's Pride right there because they want the person that offended them to suffer in some form. When a person can't apologize for a wrong they've done, consciously or otherwise, that's Pride -- because they never want to admit any wrong and always believe they're right no matter what is or isn't said. When a person refuses to let go of something, knowing it can do them further harm, that's Pride because they deceive themselves into believing that they can fix it.
Do my words betray me? Sometimes but I push everyday to improve in not betraying my own words. I won't excuse myself by saying I'm human because these days, that's everyone's copout. Amongst ourselves there are a lot of "pet sins" if you will -- I'm just one of the people that have decided to break the silence and say, "enough is enough".
I'll close with a confession -- I've had my pet sins and on this day they're done away with. I'm tired of taking everything so personal to the point of holding grudges. I'm done with wanting to believe I'm always right, even if it sometimes hurts. I'm finished with being quick to react on something, even if I feel jumpy when I don't have to. I'm through with makin' this life all about me when, in the end, it isn't.
4.17.2011
the Underdog
I thought best to write it while the spark was still in tact. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the whole David vs. Goliath story. I simply don't get wowed at how Goliath was a big log that got stoned in the head and beheaded by a lowly kid. I don't look so much at how he got all, "eh, I'ma knock ya down in the power of God" in attitude either. I saw something else.
I'm gonna roll with this -- God seems to side with whom the majority at times consider the underdog. David was the little baby brother in the family. His own brothers and dad didn't seem to think much of him. I can image all the "WTF" faces they had when seeing he got picked to be future Israeli King. When facing Goliath, everyone was like, "eh David's gonna be lunch -- I don't see him winning this one at all". Sure enough, he knocked that punk down like a sack o' potatoes!
Elijah, another underdog. Sure, he had the rep of coming and going like the wind but no one seemed to even think much good could happen with him. They laughed at the thought of him being able to make the call for it to finally rain, let alone command fire from Heaven on his drowning altar. Ha, the second he said, "I make it rain" and it finally rained. He hollered at God for some flame on and sure enough, it popped up.
Yeah, God seems to love underdogs, or at least underdogs as a result of perception. This one might be alarming but I'll get real on it -- Jesus. Yes I said it, I went there. He, to the eyes of some, was an underdog. Pharisees saw him as nothing beyond the son of a carpenter. People that heard he was from Nazareth were like, "w-w-w-wait, something GOOD can come from THAT place?!". He didn't exactly had things in his favor in the eyes of some but oh boy were they in for it.
To go less christianese with this, I think this is why I like Bret Hart the best throughout my life when it came to wrestlers. In most matches, he wasn't super muscular, he wasn't super fast or anything super flashy. So from the start, he wasn't the guy expected to be at the top or let alone be awesome. But in the end of most of those matches, he'd surprise everyone and in the process told a good wrestling story.
I could never identify entirely with tragic heroes nor with "from the door" supermen. That's right -- Superman will NEVER be a top hero for me. Achilles sure as hell will never be there -- nothing too tragic about him -- he was just a whiny little b**** who needed to get thrown into a fight in order to get him to fight. He whined to much on his short lifetime instead of focusing on, "hey, short or long, I'll make my life at its best as can be". Now 300's Leonidas, THAT'S a hero. Win or lose, he was gonna prove, despite absence of favor from even his leaders, that he can make a supposed "God-King" bleed. Boy, did he get a good draw on first blood, too! Batman may not be super, nor as technologically advanced like Iron Man but he somehow, in the end, is the top dog. In Tower of Babel, people saw what he was capable of -- had a means, in the event of madness, of putting out of commission EVERY Justice League member INCLUDING the high and mighty Superman!
That, my friends, is the tip of the iceberg!
I'm gonna roll with this -- God seems to side with whom the majority at times consider the underdog. David was the little baby brother in the family. His own brothers and dad didn't seem to think much of him. I can image all the "WTF" faces they had when seeing he got picked to be future Israeli King. When facing Goliath, everyone was like, "eh David's gonna be lunch -- I don't see him winning this one at all". Sure enough, he knocked that punk down like a sack o' potatoes!
Elijah, another underdog. Sure, he had the rep of coming and going like the wind but no one seemed to even think much good could happen with him. They laughed at the thought of him being able to make the call for it to finally rain, let alone command fire from Heaven on his drowning altar. Ha, the second he said, "I make it rain" and it finally rained. He hollered at God for some flame on and sure enough, it popped up.
Yeah, God seems to love underdogs, or at least underdogs as a result of perception. This one might be alarming but I'll get real on it -- Jesus. Yes I said it, I went there. He, to the eyes of some, was an underdog. Pharisees saw him as nothing beyond the son of a carpenter. People that heard he was from Nazareth were like, "w-w-w-wait, something GOOD can come from THAT place?!". He didn't exactly had things in his favor in the eyes of some but oh boy were they in for it.
To go less christianese with this, I think this is why I like Bret Hart the best throughout my life when it came to wrestlers. In most matches, he wasn't super muscular, he wasn't super fast or anything super flashy. So from the start, he wasn't the guy expected to be at the top or let alone be awesome. But in the end of most of those matches, he'd surprise everyone and in the process told a good wrestling story.
I could never identify entirely with tragic heroes nor with "from the door" supermen. That's right -- Superman will NEVER be a top hero for me. Achilles sure as hell will never be there -- nothing too tragic about him -- he was just a whiny little b**** who needed to get thrown into a fight in order to get him to fight. He whined to much on his short lifetime instead of focusing on, "hey, short or long, I'll make my life at its best as can be". Now 300's Leonidas, THAT'S a hero. Win or lose, he was gonna prove, despite absence of favor from even his leaders, that he can make a supposed "God-King" bleed. Boy, did he get a good draw on first blood, too! Batman may not be super, nor as technologically advanced like Iron Man but he somehow, in the end, is the top dog. In Tower of Babel, people saw what he was capable of -- had a means, in the event of madness, of putting out of commission EVERY Justice League member INCLUDING the high and mighty Superman!
That, my friends, is the tip of the iceberg!
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