From seeing Thor, hanging out with friends in the city, seeing the lovely lady, praying, spending time with family, my thoughts have been racing everywhere.
Thinking about what's important for me, thus far, has been easier but at the same time harder. Discerning what I need now compared to a few days (or weeks) later have been a cloudier yet clearer at the same time. Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but hey, I'm having one of those weeks.
Some say I wear my heart on my sleeve. Those who know me well, really well, know this to be true. I wouldn't say everyone sees it but it's there to those who look closely. You can say it's the result of all those years of keeping things bottled up. I'm talking about as far back as I.S. 318/FDR days, when I didn't tell anyone a thing, let alone even had an outlet for it all. Some find it in music, others in reading, film, working out and some (sad to say) in cutting.
I found my outlet in writing. It's how I get a chance to clear my mind, even if at the expense of the public. I do it at that expense for one sole reason -- because somewhere, out there on this God-created but man-mismanaged world, someone is reading, someone is searching and someone out there is hoping that whatever struggle they deal with, that they're not alone. Someone out there grew up dealing with being a social outcast, feeling depressed (or even oppressed) by their church or denomination growing up, dealt with being bullied or ridiculed, had supposed friends that decide to up and leave when needed the most -- or that their life just plain sucks.
Sure I work out. On occasion, I'll glue myself to the XBox. Sure, I take time to pray, read the Bible and fellowship, even if right now for once a week. Yes, I've got a guitar and a voice (just ask Michelle, my band or anyone that's seen me perform or play) -- but my first love when it comes to letting things out is writing. It comes ever so natural to me.
Music's my channel to bear my soul out to God as well as people when words don't always cut it. Working out helps me physically let out my anger when it builds (just ask my co-workers how the punching bag I use looks like these days). My faith helps me discover more of who I'm meant to be and my place in this universe. Video games, like movies, give me the giggles. Writing, before the day is done, is how everyone sees me more as I am -- at least when I'm thinking.
Speaking of cutting, I think it's only as of recent that I noticed the subject a little more. Sure, there are probably a lot more songs that hint at it, but the songs that caught my attention lately have been The Last Night by Skillet, Thorns by Demon Hunter and Take This Life by In Flames. The Last Night deals with a girl that feels like ending it all and deals with her family thinking it's only a phase and that everything is her fault. Thorns deals with someone in isolation and trying to redistribute the pain, partially fueled by disappointments with her life. Then there's Take This Life. The person's feeling miserable, wanting to end their life yet desiring to have a reason to live and have a miracle happen. Three songs from three different artists that are all recognizable yet almost three different takes on cutting, depression and suicide. Why this subject came to mind for me right now is beyond me but I felt it needed to be addressed in some form.
If I had to what what I'm passionate about, you can say there are a lot of things. I'm a man of many passions and, at best, positive ones. I'm passionate about releasing emotions. I'm passionate about helping people and being a true friend and I'm sure as heck passionate about being an awesome man -- you can take that latter part however you wish.
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