3 years later

I want to first thank my girlfriend Shell for letting us treat each other to a nice 6 month anniversary together. We had some good laughs, some fun and some peace as well. As usual, the tricky part is saying goodnight to each other. Yes, we ended up seeing Bridesmaids. It was better than I feared it to be. I believe that if we had the time (and energy), we most likely would've snuck ourselves into seeing Hangover Part II yet again!

Now as I settle in and the new day ushers itself in, it's a two-sided coin. On one hand, it's one of my cousins' birthday, which I will celebrate no matter what. Yams is that sweet funny cousin you'll always have around. On the other hand, it's been 3 years since Bernice's passing. What sucks is that I'll never be able to be "over it" or "grow numb to it". Heck, even those feelings of the whole "should've, would've, could've" have yet to subside. I will admit, however, it doesn't sting in the way it once did. The thought of it doesn't bust me wide open anymore. It feels like a scab that's beginning to go through the healing process. It doesn't depress me to a bad degree anymore. It's not that it doesn't devastate -- it simply no longer devastates to the magnitude it once did. The feelings of sorrow, regret, nostalgia and agony are still existent but it's the extent of it that isn't as prominent. I can say that's a good thing because I've needed that sense of, not numbness but rather a sense of peace about it. Perhaps I'm not 100% about it but I'm slowly getting there. You can only cry, weep, mourn and go insane for so long before you decide to let your life move forward instead of being stuck on pause. If you keep looking left or right instead of keeping your eyes on the prize, it's likely you'll see your life pass you by.