I thought I'd take my 15 minute break to write this before I bottle it up and go nuts. Is all a sham. Every last day. I honestly wake up every day asking how can I live with myself. I'm talking about my late sister's passing back in june '08. I could've stopped it. I could've gone out with her to change those coins to dollars. If she felt weird, I would've been right there to help her be safe. Instead, I stood home and hear her say she'll be back...only to never see her again. This will weigh on me for the rest of my life.
So if you've wondered why I'm so eager to wanna hang out, do shows and stuff -- now you know. It's that same thought that haunts me in my sleep, in my dreams and even when I'm awake. This is why I look forward to the afterlife so much -- so I can say I'm sorry for failing as her biggest brother.
So I recently got a message of my transfer app being set for review in December. In the meantime, I'll have to email them my college transcript and my hs diploma. If there's any hope of success left in me, it all hangs on that.
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