I feel like I've written about this before. However, not in the light I'm about to write it in. I had a talk with a particular person this past weekend as well as this week. It was about forgiving and forgetting. I got to admit, when you dig deep inside and see yourself, you can see the good, the bad and the (excuse my profanity) fucking ugly inside. I got to think and see for myself something I thought would never be an issue...until Tuesday night.
I came to realize that I forgive and not really forget. Sure, some would say you don't forget. The problem? If you are constantly reminding yourself at the slightest moment of weakness of the thing you've forgiven, you will never put it behind you and in turn, you haven't forgiven at all. Love bears no record of wrongs, folks. I came to realize that deep down, I was still holding on to hurt that had been sitting in my heart for years. Everyone that knows me well know that I've been backstabbed, betrayed, double-crossed, cheated, wronged and defrauded. They say you grow numb to it after a while but instead, it became fuel. My biggest problem as to why I've never let go? It had been my fuel for working out. So long as I'm not pissed, there'd be no reason to beat the crap out of the heavy bag. When I hit that bag, I summon the most inner anger I can find and let me tell you, I find a lot of it that I thought I forgot. I feel great once it's gone but once I go up to the bag again, I got nothing to fuel me up again.
But alas I found my way of ridding it forever. I forgave in my heart every liar, cheater, two-faced S.O.B. and any other type of person that may have offended me -- and toss it out of my life. I'm freaking 26, what am I doing holding grudges, pain and anger? You can only go on until you realize that holding all that in does nothing. Sure, there are lessons learned from them but why hold on to the bitterness? It cripples your mindset and sure as hell becomes a hinderance to your relationships with God, friends, family and a special someone. Someone once said, "Please, you'll never forget it". Not entirely. So long as you aren't reminded of those things, you don't have a thing to worry about. Easier said than done? True, however , not impossible. It takes time. Some people, it picks up fast and in others a little more time. I'm somewhere in between. So long as there is a consistent level of mutual love and respect, trust is easy for me to put into use in my life and in turn makes forgetting past wrongs a whole lot easier.
Why? The last thing you need is to let it eat you up inside and turn you in something that is a mere shadow of who you are. When bitterness takes a hold, it hides from the person you love the person they fell in love with, it distorts how your friends try to engage and help you and sure as heck brings destruction to family life, too.
I don't know (quite honestly) if this will help anyone but if it does, that means everything. The one thing that has been drilling in my head today has been, "Love bears no record of wrongs" and in so manner, it is also written, "Love Expels All Fear"
- Ron Gunz
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