Reflections

     Yeah, I know, what the heck am I doing on a lovely night indoors. Well, truth is, there's no one to really hang with at this present moment and have decided to sit down and reflect. After all, I'm turning twenty six.
     I find myself in wonder at how things can change over the years. You could even say aspects of me have grown, altered, stood the same and so forth. Thanks to my girlfriend, the reflection I'm doing has a bit more vision.
     Would I say I'm a bit sheltered? Perhaps but I guess the isolation protected me from Lord knows so much. Too optimistic? Maybe, yet someone's got to bring about some sunshine in the midst of our rainy mess. I find that my faith has changed over the years. My approach, the way I feel or walk have somehow changed too. My old high school bud Shani once told me to never change for anyone. Truth is, one has to change over time.
     I still have the mushiness of a teddy bear, the heart of a lion and the strength of a fierce battering ram, yet I can no longer say I have the same faith I once had. I experienced my faith rattled by tragedies that have occurred, whether it be a personal one or one that someone I love has experienced. One can easily shrug everything off and say, "God's in control" but nowhere has it been said that we don't have the right to have questions about how God does things. Being a bit of a bible nerd, even I recognize that the Bible doesn't answer every question. There are still some I have no answers to and some people I know still have questions about.
     With two jobs and a half-time student, let alone a waning social life, there are still changes I pray to see come into flow but won't necessarily happen over night. Patience is a virtual but Lord is it a pain in my testicles! There are still things I wish to have known or want to know, things I've yet to experience. If there's one move I'll be making either end of this year or early next year, it's finally getting my own place. At 26, perspective changes and you begin to see them as they are. The average young person is highly idealist and usually wanting to dream their butts off -- and then real life happens. Dreams won't die, life just happens to let you know that every dream will come to its own but there are the bigger things that have to be taken care of first.
     I've seen people die, heard stories from friends about the abuses they endured, held people that were falling apart together. I've seen demons, glimpse of heaven and seen my surrounding world change. I would've never thought I'd be in the position I'm in or even be in a state of our country where conviction is being forgotten and an economy shaken to its core.
     I've apparently just overcame my quarter-life crisis and it feels good to know that the best is yet to come. I have some giants to topple and overcome and some dreams to slowly watch become reality but it'll all happen in time, with the Lord's help.
     My walk with Christ has taken a drastic change and even the falling, toppling and stumbling has helped change things. While I may still look at God as Lord, I can no longer see him as just a judge, executioner and always vengeful. I don't see myself as just a mere minister or servant. I see our relationship as it is, my Lord but also my friend. The shadow of hope over my moments of despair if you will. I don't discount facets of Him that make him holy, just, judge and whatnot but  I'm able to see more of him as not only my Lord but also my friend that's still around when everyone else has fallen by the wayside.