77

All my readers know that, regardless of what I say, I have more questions than I have answers, more dreams than I have plans, more heart than wit. Today was a very difficult day. It was a day of which I kind of wanted to stay asleep until it skipped. I'm pouring my damn heart here but as much as I wanted to be happy, I looked more blue than Mega Man or Sonic the Hedgehog. With exception to work or around family or my buddy Sid, I was an emotional wreck. You know you are when you find yourself crying in the train on the way to work as well as on the way home. Things could've happened today but it truly pays to have some longtime friends that truly love you in the end.
     Then I had a high school flashback -- when I had depressive tendencies where I even questioned God's very presence about some of the bullcrap I endured growing up in church and dealing with being a bit of an outcast all of my life due to a lot of overprotection. Take it or leave it, this really woke me up today and put me at ease. I had a bookbag in high school that's now gone but remembered this being written in white out on it:

2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and I would not be comforted.
3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned; I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
7 “Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
16 The waters saw you, God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water, the heavens resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.

all from Psalm 77