What do you want to be in THIS life?

So I was at the Renaissance with Lars, Bryan and Crystal last night and we talked about various things -- career, life, music, work, issues, etc. As we departed, I found myself headed to the train with Bryan and Crystal. Bryan, as we go in the A train asks me, what do I want to be in this life? Why does this matter? People always ask what do you want to be when you grow up or what you want to do in the here and now. To ask me what I want to be in this life, all of which is brief as well as enduring, that meant something to me. Many people find themselves needing to figure out what the hell they want because either life is so rushed into their face or so many things that cause confusion hammer at them from the front, back and sideways. Pat me on the back or tear me down if you will but I know what I want for certain, all things considered.

I want to be a kick@$$ musician that inspires a new generation. I aim to be a prolific writer that causes the minds and hearts of people to stir in a way that makes them reevaluate and cherish their lives. I want to be a wonderful role model for my future students in this lifetime instead of being another stumbling block. I desire to be happily married to a woman who will love me for who I am and compliment me in my weak points and vice versa. I want to be an honorable husband and a dedicated, loving father. Most of all, which is something I somehow lost sight of while on the way there, is to reflect God in all that I do -- through my music, through my job, through my writing, through my character and through my walk in life.

I realize I still have quite the road ahead of me. I need to actually hit up someone I know and get some legit recording started. I continue the road to my dream career this fall. Sure as heck, I'm still learning what it is to be passionate, loving, caring and understanding while also cautious. I need to get back to the roots of my faith and hang the damn on to it. Bryan asked me what's stopping me. Honestly, it's just been motivation and some laziness altogether. There had also been some doubt in myself lingering -- which was something my ladyfriend kinda brought to the light while we were at the Joan Jett concert. It was a wake up call at best and a realization at worst. You live and learn right?