Counting Down until Tampa

       So I sit here this afternoon, just taking in and let settle in a few things that are indeed real now -- I'm a husband to a wonderful wife, I am going to be a father and also that I'll be long gone from New York come August. It's all exciting but leaving New York, like legit leaving it, is a tiny bit scary. I was born, bred and raised here. This part of the world is all I never truly knew yet the time to fly is coming.

       I sit back and I reflect on life in New York and everything I did or didn't accomplish. I went to public, intermediate and high school here. I went to college here. I have held some jobs here. I have family here but when you're married, it is no longer about you. It's about what is best for you and your significant other. When I remember how she came here thinking she would have a better life apart from Florida and only to experience grief and total struggle, I felt skeptical at first. I felt like maybe it's just her but if you take the time to search for yourself, you will find that New York really is a place of struggle.

       Go ahead and look into Craigslist or even a local paper. $400-500 a month on rent...for a room that is not guaranteed to be private. If you want a decent apartment similar to what my parents have, you better have come to NY back in the 80's when there were many openings in the Lindsay Housing Cooperatives or even when there were more openings in housing projects. Now you have to wait and hope for years until someone drops dead or moves out for your turn in a waiting list to come through. You can also take a look at several families that are homeless now or bunched up with extended family because they get evicted after faithfully paying rent for over 20 years so that the landlords get to rent these apartments out for ab out 2-3 times the price to kids that get paid by their mom and dad, meanwhile working off the books and sometimes even on public assistance and food stamps.

       When I found out that minimum wage is higher in Florida and that rent is cheaper and better spacing, it dawned upon me, "why am I even in New York?".

       Then I remembered everything about success. Every person that has succeeded in NY came from outside of New York or left it and after garnering some success, found the right connections to come back and maintain that success here.

       If you're born and bred here, I mean hey, look at me, I'm a musician that has only played at the most in front of 300 people and never made a dime as a musician. I am a writer of three books all of which people think it's too complicated to simply click the order now button on lulu just to buy a copy but want you to order bulk and buy it direct, all of which there is no guarantee with how cheap they begin to show themselves to be, not acknowledging that to do bulk order you have to shell out lots of money to get them. Yes, the artist has to invest to do a bulk order i.e. it costs me money to get copies to my mail. We artists don't get anything for free, at all! Let's also recognize that most graduates in NY that's I know got a job in something they didn't major in the first place because their dream job is not available. I mean, seriously, how do you bust your chops for sports and tv/radio only to end up being a director of video for a non-profit organization that only believes in giving raises to people that decide to move up as pastors, all of which they likely pick out according to what's fashionable to them. Where is the respect and honor that is due to those beneath you, striving for excellence in the hope of something better?

       Let's also call into account busting your PR and ad chops with little income to get as many people to your shows as possible, whether it's flyers at your job, e-mailing, myspace, facebook, twitter, tumblr and even word of mouth...only to have barely ten people show up to support. Never met a single promoter, executive or manager of any type.

       Thankfully, as I head to Tampa in August, I leave knowing that I can get a job transfer which is a means to an end to start somewhere. I'll have my driver's license before I'm there and money well-saved to get a house. I will miss the flashy lights and tall wonders that NY offers and the variety of things that are close by to each other but I sure as hell won't miss our excuse of a mayor who openly said that he "loves rich people" and that they, "are the ones that contribute to the growth of the economy". Am I missing something here Bloomberg? Aren't the rich the people responsible for driving out poor people that struggle night and day to provide? Aren't the schools full of children, majority of which are from the lower middle class? Last I checked, the rich don't do that much.

       As far as spiritual ground, I do not know what awaits me down there. I have known people that have felt spiritual liberation down there but at the same token, others went down there to drown themselves in excess of freedom. If there is one thing I did learn growing up is this -- your roots are wherever you've made them to be. It possibly explains why I've never felt attached to any church all my life. I always felt like everything I learned and any growth I experienced it, I did so on my own. Hate to be blunt but I have learned more about faith and how it is in action apart from the four walls and even community. Some have likened their spiritual life with how they are in church and separate that from their "secular" life. I find that weird because your faith and what you make of it, if it is of value to you, ought to be reflected in your everyday living.

       I have never seen myself an expert in anything but that which I have experienced and observed, I can speak out on. In the process, I have learned that in NY, the spiritual revolution that is constantly being spoken about mirrors how people are about change in the govt -- a lot of talk but no bite or action. You have people like in Iceland that took action. They didn't just flap their gums for attention. They were disenfranchised, disillusioned and angry about how their government treated their people and took action. They didn't just talk or merely "spread awareness". They took action. They saw an opportunity for revolution and did it to the t. It is my belief that if you are unhappy with "business as usual" in your church community, angry about a judgmental environment or tired of the same old routine, be the agent of change. Don't just talk or announce on it -- take action. Be the change you believe in or as Morgan Freeman from Bruce Almighty said, "Be the miracle".

New Genesis! The end of my single life.

       I have been wrecking my brain trying to figure out how I would write this. I never thought that this point of my life would actually arrive but it is very much here. To every ex-girlfriend I had a relationship with, for better or worse, I very much thank you for allowing our mutual experiences to prepare me for this moment.

       I know what some of you are thinking, "Thanking your exs? What is wrong with you?" Think about it -- every experience, every difficulty and triumph, disappointment and small success prepares you for the big one. Every relationship I went through, I came back stronger, far more resilient and helped me understand women far more and has made me a far more versatile lover, companion, partner and friend. Every heartbreak may have left a scar but in the process made my heart stronger than the last time. There will now be a Mr. and Mrs. Gunz.

       I honestly couldn't be more proud. A woman who not only is dedicated, committed and faithful but also a great cook and good at cleaning house because God forbid I marry a woman that sucks at cooking and cleaning. It's a two way street folks. She understands me better and works better with me more than I could desire. She's stubborn but makes so much more than up for it in her fidelity, high spirit and passion about aspiring for and getting things done. I ask her for a sandwich, she makes me a big gourmet meal -- with tea! I'm the hard rockin' son of a gun and she's the semi-hippy that is bent on harmony, justice, love and stability -- all things we both are adamant about. She does dancing while I either play guitar or video games. She'll meditate while I'm working out or drawing. She fuels my fire like the earthy creature and I ignite her bush like God lit a bush up when talking to Moses.

       From here on out, I got everything I wanted. Different from how to see it become reality but I got it either way. The ends always justifies the means. I take on the role of husband, life partner, soul mate as co-provider for a future family.

       I would like to thank God for all of this. Truly, when the Bible speaks of patience being the product of tribulation, it speaks the truth. I believe without question that everything truly does work for the good for those who love God according to his will and purposes. What is crazy is how when she hunted me down, the situation couldn't be stranger. I was working, she was unemployed. December came around and we were both unemployed. Then I got a job in a month's time. Now she's going back to work in Florida to prepare for our future home while I conduct savings for when I arrive there. You know you have a help meet for you when that person decides to prepare the terrain that will be for both of you. Even better, she is me as a woman so in essence, I am being married to myself! God that's vain but funny all in one! Guess God does have a sense of humor!

       One chapter of my life finally draws to a close and another one opens. I am humbled yet proud, seduced with gratitude yet full of joy. Everyone that has been by my side through these 27 years, I thank you all. Now comes forth the rest of my life...and boy am I thrilled, excited and jittery about it!

Happiness seems like an illusion

       As of late, I've been having a lot of alone time mainly because of work. The funny thing is how at work, I don't socialize all that much apart from incoming customers because as a team we're trying to do our own thing because each of us have that money to make. So as the long hours and days go by, it just all begins to dawn upon me the way it used to when I was younger -- I will never truly be happy.

       I have lied to myself, cheated myself into believing that I'll be content but the fact remains that nothing is enough anymore. You can surround me with the greatest of friends, the friendliest of co-workers, the biggest river of inspiration for writing or recording music and throw the greatest girlfriend ever on a silver platter in front of me...My thirst for happiness has simply become insatiable.

       It really feels like I will be in this mental rut forever. I have been there since I was a teenager and I'm still there now. Despite the many blessings that have come and gone, nothing has, to this day, changed my mental and emotional world enough to not feel this way.

       I'm not sure if I'm in a state of acceptance or if I'm in a state of fighting or confession but this is how I've felt forever. Even as I prepare to move, I can literally feel that even when I finally am on my own, I have been so deeply trapped within my person psychological and emotional devices that once I am left to myself, it's all gonna surface and it may not be pretty.

Hey everyone, I just put up a new short instrumental I've written. It's called Silent Somber. It's part of my upcoming debut instrumental album called Where My Voice Cannot Speak.

http://tmblr.co/Zev9VxbyaFbJ

New Year, New Book Out, Album in the works

To all my friends and supporters,

       I would like to welcome you to an exciting new year known as 2013. Put that year in a mirror and it eerily reads like the greek word eros which means "intimate love". Maybe it is coincidental but it could also be of some important value. If you look at how things are in the world today, it is that deep sense of love that this world seriously needs -- whether it be in the family, friends, humanitarian, romantic or spiritual love. It isn't hard to see that there are people needing a particular love in their lives on an intimate level that can break their various states of mind that are a result of the lacking of love.

       I would also like to say that the wait is over in regards to my books. I have all three books available individually as well as collectively in one volume. The links are listed below:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ronnie-a-gonzalez/taking-over-me/paperback/product-16341083.html
http://www.lulu.com/shop/ronnie-a-gonzalez/walk-this-realm/paperback/product-20381087.html
http://www.lulu.com/shop/ronnie-a-gonzalez/3ra/paperback/product-20583439.html

or

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ronnie-abimael-gonzalez/vol-1/paperback/product-20600654.html

       In the meantime, I will finally work on my album project, which is tricky because of either moods or various circumstances. As it is, not only will I be providing to you all my guitar and bass work, I will also be doing some synth and strings work too. It's something I was curious about but never got around to learning until recently. Listed below is a small preview of what I'm working on.

http://tmblr.co/Zev9VxarTuX4

Until next time,


Ronnie A. Gonzalez

Christ on my mind

I know it has been a long while since I have written anything but this morning is one of those mornings where I just got very contemplative about everything. Perhaps it's due to my girlfriend, my family, friends and even the recent layoff but all of these aspects of my life, in a twist of events, have brought me back to remembering where it all comes down to -- Jesus Christ.

Given that I come from a strong Pentecostal background, there's a lot I grew up with for better or worse. I grew up with all that junk talk about external possessions being worn that shouldn't be worn otherwise you were associating with Satan, avoiding all sense of social environment that wasn't Christian altogether and a few others that anyone knows Pentecostals for would know. It doesn't end there, though.

In the process, I understood the value of enriching your spiritual relationship with God through the Holy Spirit, of whom the Bible calls the Helper and Spirit of Truth whom dwells in you (John 14.16-17), guides unto all righteousness (John 16.13), helps us in our weakness (Romans 8.26), gives wisdom, understanding, counsel, might, knowledge and fear of the Lord (Isaiah 11.2).

It's wonderful to think of the gift and help we have through the Spirit, whom came upon all believers of Christ after his ascension (with exception to his disciples, see John 20.22).

Now let us look back to Jesus Christ though. Up until He came to the scene, Jews were calling upon the Father, whose name was known as YHWH, YHVH, JHVH or Jehovah. What I always found fascinating was that with exception to their leaders, judges, some of their kings and their prophets, is that people were mostly afar from Him.

Then came Jesus. The Son of the Living God. They asked to show them God and His answer was, "Um, hi! See how I roll and you've seen how my Daddy rolls!" (John 14.10). He is also the new (and very permanent) High Priest on our behalf, as He owns the claim of being not only the way, truth and life but also that no one may get to the Fathert except through Him (John 14.6). I'm sure that may answer the question as to why when Christians start a prayer, right after they say "Dear Heavenly Father", "Our Father in Heaven", "Dear Jehovah Father God" or something similar, they always add, "we come before you in the name of Jesus". It gets bigger from there. His name is then glorified to be above every other name (Philippians 2.9-11).

As years went on, I began to really understand how these three work together. It is just amazing how in Christ's obedience to the Father , He was given an elevation beyond belief. He is humanity's lifestream of salvation, our gateway to the Father, our bread of life and by His name there is authority given that makes things go down. He is our inheritance and on top of that, His words were a gift to our human race, speaking straight up love of which can tear walls down. Then as a big bonus, His Spirit is put upon His believers as a seal and as our guidance.

You know that adage of, "He may not be here with us physically but still remains with us in Spirit"? Well, I don't think you can exemplify it any better than that.

I'm not sure if I'll get back to this later on but as I thought deeply in the middle of a bar called the Gotham City Lounge, sipping on water among comic book geeks, I thought about all of this.

Even at 27 and with all sorts of info out there (Illuminati, Luciferians, Church of Satan, The Zeitgeist), none of it has shaken my belief. When something has shown how real it is to your life personally, all else goes out the window. Heck, I once knew someone who ate the Zeitgeist like it was an ultimate revelation -- and became a Christian barely a year or two later.

Who They (and You) Are and Aren't

"Tests are so effective in life since they reveal the “who are” as well as the “who are not”! Make sure to let go of the “who are not” for the reason that they will hinder the ones “who are” to be in your life. Remove yourself from those that have a negative mentality. Encircle yourself with people who strive to move forward with a positive vision!" - Pastor Angel Muniz


       Upon reading this post of my friend, something lit up inside of me. You can say it lit up a spark inside of me. Most of this is due to the fact that not only did it hit home when it came to my social circle but also hit me on a personal level. It hit very hard for a few reasons.

       Let me first throw in the personal aspect of it. Tests tend to unveil who you are and the contrast from who you aren't. It begins to start bringing you to a situation where you are to decide and resolve but faced with choices that are and/or aren't characteristic of you. Whether it be the death of a loved one, financial issues, heartbreak, betrayal from friends and family or even the sense of being used -- each situation puts you, in better words, in mini-crossroads. There are times where you are faced with choices and sometimes they are simple but sometimes a royal pain. There is, though, another aspect to see. Sometimes, the situation will call out the possibility of who you can be that you never thought you could. It may not always be what you think is best at the very moment but it will push you stretch beyond yourself and for better term, evolve.


       People who are runaways eventually either will keep running until they are done or until they learn to face the demons they run from and conquer them. People who dance in the rain will eventually grow weary and the rain will wear them down like hails made of stone -- they eventually will have to learn to be like the earth, take in the rain and grow like a plant rooted in soil. Once the storm and rain are done, the sun will come out and help balance all else for that plant to bloom and appear.

       If you are constantly being broken and torn apart, learn something from physical fitness -- when you lift weights, muscle fibers are being torn to bits and broken down, hence the soreness at times. When we are broken down, the process is a means to come back stronger. Sometimes it is frustrating because the brokenness is so constant that you become numb and feel you won't get a chance to breathe. Sometimes it requires a time of reflection to breathe, take it all in and replenish. There's a reason why boys drink milk and men eat meat -- the 8g of protein won't stack up to the 25-35g you'll get from a chicken breast for your muscles to recover! In moments of brokenness, feed from it and you will return stronger. Don't sit, mope, whine and cry -- feed from it!

       I feel now I should bring out how I agree with Muniz's statement from a social perspective. When things hit the fan in your life, you find yourself seeing people's true colors. You discover who are intentional users and abusers, leeches of your energy, total ingrates and those guilty of fraud. In the process, you also discover who your true friends are. You discover who will stick around at all times and not just when they need something or if they stick around because they know they will get something out of it. It is sad that many are always awaiting for something in return from the person they help instead of having the thank you and the personal sense of gratitude being enough but hey, nobody ever said that tests and trials won't unmask people. The tests will also separate the men from the boys, girls from the women, the spiritually ardent from the religious and the sheep from the wolves.

       I will conclude with a personal, little experience. At one point, I was in a slightly rough patch where I was called "dead weight". For months, I had leaned into feeling that way, as the person's frustration resulted into channeling it out on someone who was actually helping them level their turmoils. Another person had reduced me from best friend to a "loser", nullifying and negating everything I had ever been to them or done for them. That can be a dung load for anyone in my shoes. My choice? Abandon them. When people do not appreciate you, that unmasks the liars, manipulators and hypocrites that they are and you are left with two options -- 1. You stick by them in false hope of them apologizing and making it right, knowing they will abuse your kindness repeatedly or 2. You cut them off and make them acknowledge that in all honestly they were the dead weight because instead of displaying gratitude, honesty and sincerity, all they saw in you was an asset, an object and a means to their personal agendas, not ever considering for five seconds about your personal needs and feelings in the process.


In the words of CM Punk, "PIPE BOMB!"

The Journey Within and my desire of the Church

       As I sat down this afternoon, sipping my orange black tea, nursing myself back to health from this annoying cold, I decided to reflect a little on how I've been about everything -- my life, my family, my job, my artistry in music as well as in writing, my character on and off my instruments, as well as my relationships with others. It is liberating as well as challenging what I find. Some things I will continue to view as I always viewed them while other things I am seeing them now for what I thought they were but in reality what they really are.

       I will always love my family. Damn it, we can be a crazy bunch -- whether it's my dad's mid-life crisis, my mom's near-workaholic tendencies, my brother being all up and about due to work, school and a girlfriend, my sister with her schoolwork to me taking on my role as a brother, a workhorse, an artist, a lover of both the divine as well as of those close to me. These are things that I could not or ever put in a simpler way of managing until recently.

       I used to always see the Church as the reflection of God's heart. Heck, if you were to look in the New Testament, through the pages of Paul's writings, you find that it is exactly what Christ wants out of the Church. The Bible shows that the Church is the Light of the World, Salt of the Earth. The Bible also says that for His name's sake they would be hated, delivered up to affliction and so forth, even unto death. Rest assured, if you were to take a look at what's going on in some (although not all) third world countries, to even have a church meeting, God forbid a building, was asking for trouble. Even the slightest attempt to speaking about the love of Jesus Christ would put you through hell -- torture, incarceration, even death. In the third world, to a degree, that hasn't changed by much.

       However, here in America? Go ahead and ask people in the Village about what they think about Jesus Christ. Go anywhere in this country and ask them about their thoughts about Jesus. Much more often than not, they don't really have a single damn negative thing to say. Heck, you may get the same reaction as Gandhi, "I like your Christ". Try this afterwards -- ask them about the Church. Don't be surprised if you hear all sorts of things, some a tad far fetched and some not too far from the truth. I dare say that churches in America are too comfortable, too introverted and dare I say it, conformed to their patterns.

       I'll say this -- Go Eat Popcorn. That was a phrase used by the manager of the Science Department back in FDR High School back in 2003-2004. In the middle of the Christian Fellowship meetings we had, he said this in reference to Galatians, Ephesians and Philippians. It paints the ideal and the beauty of what the Church should be like -- the ideals it is to live by and stand for. I dare even state that it reflects a family environment. Unfortunately, that is not what the Church looks like in the United States by and large, especially by majority here in New York. They are run like organizations and businesses. Let me tear it down a bit and ask this, how often do you see people decide to break bread with each other personally and develop friendships with each other without the supervision of church officials or the creating of official meetings? Almost every time, it consists of people usually walking in, going through the motions of the program, chatting a tiny bit and once the church building doors are closed, it's over. No calls, no personal messages from your fellow church "friends". It is as though you only know each other on the surface and only within the walls of a place to meet.

       If the Church is to be the Heartbeat of Christ, echoing this planet, we need to break personal walls, people. How can we reflect Him when we don't even know about each other's likes, peeves, desires, dreams and ambitions? For all we know, in being so cold and distant from each other as though we're just doing business, we are missing out on something beautiful. That's why, as crazy as it sounds, I wouldn't rage over churches, synagogues, mosques, kingdom halls and so-called "sacred places" being burned or torn down. Why? Because when you take away those comfortable little confines, that is the moment you begin to discover and see who they really are. It is then you see who are the figs and thistles, the wolves in sheep clothing from the legit sheep. You begin to find out who are truly those willing to reflect light in this world and who are the two-faced slime that seek to corrupt, control and deviate.

       This blog is pretty big and while I appreciate those who love my writing in regards to entertainment, politics and music but this is something that I have always been truly passionate about and it has a lot to do with who I am and my journey in this lifetime.

       I am someone who was raised in a very strong Pentecostal environment and let me tell you, I personally do not agree with how things are run in many Pentecostal churches. I have yet to see a church that isn't run like a business in the place of a family environment. They put on this mask of family but everything is run as a business, with their "CEO" and their version of "Board of Directors", deciding how things are run based on how it suits them politically and only treat those within their circle as family. Relationships within the congregation? Give me a break! It is business as usual and the only non-business deal that does go on is if someone is running against the grain, striving to break from the mold and be different and dare I say, even better than what the establishment thinks. They use tongue talking as manipulative means to maintain control and throw their weight around like dictators, even if what they are doing in secret is dirtier than the person they point the finger at. You can't talk about sanctity of life to my face meanwhile assisting in paying off a need-less abortion behind closed doors. Let's also include the leaders that see a young person among them who is doing very well, dare I say even better than the CEO and the Board of Directors combined, then out of fear they try to make his/her effort in facilitating the group with a family environment go to a halt by attaching financial scandals.

       I know this is a bit much but I'm going to go deeper about my experiences here. Let me talk about how you have leaders, speakers and teachers concerning themselves so much more with the physical, temporary and secondary, absolutely forsaking the importance of the all that is primary. I'm not concerned about hearing about the evils of soap operas. You shouldn't have to talk about that every other week on a sermon. I believe that it should be obvious and common sense to a Christian that putting a soap opera in higher priority over quality communication with your Creator is a problem.

       The problem, however, is not in the soap opera, it is within the person. The person has something that distracts them from their reality and spiritual connection but that issue can range from anything. It may not be a soap opera, it can be the unhealthy desire to intake alcohol. I say unhealthy because while it may be fun to drink away, alcohol is a depressant and if you look into what depressants do, well there you go. Sometimes the fix can be jumping onto the weed, which while it treats glaucoma and even give your brain a quick funny trip to temporary expansion of the mind, too much can be bad. Sex can also bea bad thing in the following way -- when it is a means to solve problems. Trust me, the euphoric feeling may be great now but let's see how that feeling changes the balance of your bank account, your mortgage, bills and food in the fridge. If you're making a living off of it, power to you although my feeling on that is that in essence you are exploiting something that should be personal and intimate with a person you care about. It can also be putting either a loved one, celebrity or political figure up on a pedestal. As much as I love my dad but he's no Superman. Eventually, we all grow old, crumble and physically die. Michael Jordan, in all his basketball legacy and glory, may inspire you to be the best at what you do but he is not paying your bills or fixing your situation. Barack Obama, our President, the issue is simple -- He is the President of the United States. What's the issue? Well it's simple, he deals with federal affairs, not state affairs. He's not going to change the situation in New York. He will not adjust your city and state tax lest Congress and the President decide to give that power to the Federal government. Until then, guess who you, as a New Yorker, have to chalk up to? Michael Bloomberg and Andrew Cuomo! Guess what? They can't even guarantee anything. You still, as a human being, have to do things for yourself. These politicians and celebrities cannot and will not shape and get involved with your very intimate aspects of your life, especially the spiritual -- unless you have a personal relationship with them of which how they personally live, once known, influences you. Even family, while immediate in disposition, cannot do for you what must be done in the development of your spiritual well-being.

       Your harmony with God is between you and Him. His business with every individual is unique and different. The point of fellowship with each other in the Church is to help build each other and in the process of helping and loving one another, we can all accomplish each of our callings in this lifetime -- whether it be as musicians, painters, writers, artists of all stripes, nurses, lawyers, doctors, athletes, carpenters, counselors, wrestlers, actors and so forth.

       There are things that, as followers of a living God, we cannot see or really understand unless we put ourselves in the shoes of others or at least get to know them. You cannot understand or fathom how to help someone or what that person needs unless you know their story and not just tidbits -- the whole story! It is when we take that time to invest that we find ourselves understanding and in the process find wisdom and means to be Light in this World. Also in the process, we will begin to let down that iron-cast shield that this world is forcing us to have upon all of us. If we get down to it, social media, instead of bonding people together, is now keeping us all together separate. The more means to communicate, the more far apart we have become. I have almost 400 friends on Facebook and I hang out with, what, perhaps 10-15 of them? I find this to be an issue because while we are individuals, in essence, we are social beings with a purpose to bond as one to reflect something beautiful but instead we are fragmented and scattered like shattered shards of glass.

       Aside from my take on the serious situation that I feel the Church in NY is going through (at least what I'm observing), I found myself thinking about other matters in regards to myself. Anyone that has an unrepentant negative influence upon my life, I am more prone to distance myself. It doesn't mean that I don't care, it just means that I do need to protect a certain degree of my identity. I have also learned to forgive people I have held grudges against and believe me, after dropping the big bomb that would be the past few paragraphs , I can safely say that I've forgiven many more because there are many that have belittled me, discouraged me, disrespected and even betrayed me. I have also discovered my lack of ability in putting up with human manipulation and the dictation of will and opinion towards me. Do not force me to see things your way simply because it is how you see it. Just let me in, help me understand and help me see your vision because you will only make an enemy out of me by forcing something down my throat proverbially. I also find myself unable to deal with leaders that have no sense of self-confidence and make everything sound like drama. Some things are in fact bad but some things simply aren't. There are also some things that aren't a deal to begin with. There are things in life of which you simply enjoy and make the most out of it. I understand that not everyone has a will of iron but that isn't be an excuse to not be stronger where you are weak. I am also finding that my spirit has become more lively as of late. Who knows, maybe it's my new girlfriend, who certainly knows how to put me in my place and vice versa.

       I think I have let out as much as I can about these matters, feel free to comment, make observations and open up the discussion because I believe there is much that can be done, discussed and accomplished if we all were to engage the crucial matters that encircle us.

Observing deep meditation and prayer

       Many times when we think of meditation and prayer, we think of either the stereotypical martial artist or shaolin monk seeking one-ness with the universe or a person on their knees asking the Faceless Man for things and solution. While either scenario tends to happen at times or what have you, I have decided to take both to somewhat different purposes and scenarios.

       Lately, between regular intervals of workout routines, I take a few minutes to meditate. In this process, I close my eyes and let my mind take me within to reflect on what's going on and everything within. I recall one time some asian guy, after I got up from post-workout meditation, telling me that my chi (life force in Chinese) is very black like a big black rock. Interesting how when I took time to meditate today, I saw what he saw. I saw a big black rock, towering over me like a giant -- except this time, the rock had cracks and through the cracks emanated blinding light, struggling to break through.

       Oftentimes, when we pray, we do a hell of a lot of asking, begging, pleas and demanding. I do none of those in prayer. Sometimes, all we need to do is simply take that time to unbottle a bit, dwell and express our worries, without the asking, pleas and what have you. Just let it out gracefully. Truly, I do believe in a God that responds when we ask but many times, we do so much asking. I wonder sometimes if God is waiting for a day where we stop asking him for stuff and that we genuinely just talk to Him.

       In the process of taking on prayer and meditation in this way, I find myself a bit quieter afterwards, let alone more relaxed. I definitely recommend this to anyone.

       As far as my workout routine, I decided to take a time out from my Bane goal and mix it up a little. Aside form crunches and pushups, I'm also doing reverse pushups, sprawls, jump squats, shadow boxing and a touch of tae bo just to mix it up.

A call for solid journalism and a word of encouragement for my brothers/sisters of faith

       Instead of leaving one gigantic FaceBook status like many are accustomed to, I've decided to do my writing here on the subject. I will begin with a very simple story form my senior year in high school.

       I had three very influential teachers at the time by far in regards to English and History -- Banks, Poska and Talon.

     Banks was the teacher that always pushed me in being a strong writer in regards to bringing out solid points and examples to strengthen my arguments about something based on whatever material is presented to me while also being creative in my delivery instead of being generic and typical of what would be read in a thesis or essay.

       Poska pushed me on another part of the spectrum. Yes, it is fine and dandy to get really passionate about a subject and bring up as many suppositions, conjectures, statements, theories, rhetorics and beliefs -- but if you did not have the concrete and solid facts to prove it, your argument is pretty much invalid. He was a general in the sense that whenever we had a given statement to prove or disprove, he required that whatever argument we presented, we also cite proof by way of books, chapter, page, verse and so on. If from an interview, the magazine, channel, date and year. If from the internet, there better be dates, times, names and other sub-sources involved.

       Talon was that wacky yet amazing middle of the road. He believed in standing up for what you believed in or were passionate about -- assuming you had solid evidence and information to be the backbone of something you believed to be truth. This came from a guy who was able to balance a chair on his chin. I saw it back in 2004 in the beginning of class that spring afternoon.

       With all this said, it brings me to a particular thing I want to bring to light -- where did all the sound journalism go? You would think that in this era of information, social media and technology, the field of journalism would be sound solid and powerful -- where a solid conspiracy theory can be undisputed if well-researched and not just parroting whatever is whispered in their ear. Sadly, it seems that in an era where emotion dominates logic, even in politics, something is amiss.

       I will look through video after video on Youtube, all in relation to statements of theories that are supposedly backed up on "facts" and sadly, many (but not all) by the measure given by my teachers Poska and Talon, fall short and their arguments are reduced, when looking closely, to mere conjectures, theories and polemic. Whether it be proving Satan's evil nature, the truthful existence of the grand scheme of the Illuminati, Evolution whether it is fact or forever trapped as a theory or even some wacky conspiracy that the Aurora Massacre shooter is supposedly a patsy, it is necessary that whatever case you present, you bring solid, concrete and undisputable facts. Opinions come and go and sure as hell, everyone has them but facts and solid evidence stand far more convincingly as a juggernaut than any simple or complex emotion one may feel about it.

       There was an article insinuating that the Jamie Holmes presented as a high-in-regard student and the Jamie Holmes we saw in court and is guilty for all that he did in that theater were, perhaps, two completely different people. To the untrained eye, let alone anyone who doesn't have time to truly study up the facts, this may be true. However, to someone who actually takes the time to study what is presented, especially the physically aesthetic, they will see that such a theory is false and a result of poor study of the human anatomy and physiological behavior. My sister proved before my very own eyes that despite the theory, it is the very same guy. The pictures were taken on completely different times and also the angle and zoom of the photo changed the perspective of simple things such as the nose, eyes and ears. Not only that, the angle, tilt, mood and expression of the individual can alter the appearance but when carefully analyzed, they are one and the same.

       As far as conspiracy theories regarding the Illuminati, Secret Societies and Freemasonry, it must all be challenged and all that is spoken must be presented with solid evidence. Freemasonry definitely is very prevalent. They are no secret anymore. There are lodges in Bushwick, Jamaica, Staten Island and other places. The NY Freemason society even have a website now (http://www.nymasons.org/). As for the Illuminati, mind control, MK Ultra and Programming, there are truthful sources about them scattered, both official and unofficial. Whatever you do, if the person talking about it has no strict solid sense of citation, don't go by it.

       This also reminded me of a time where someone was told that X company does raises at X time and that they offer full time scheduling and promotion. Sadly, that person was in for a rude surprise because that X company (which I will not name), doesn't promise or deliver much on that. Ladies and gents, when you're digging for info in regards to a job, don't ask a noob about how things run in the company, talk to those who have been there for at least well over a good year and a half or two.You'll far more likely get the real nitty gritty from them.

       Finally folks, to drive it all home in all sincerity, it is okay to challenge what you know, the authorities you are submitted to and everything presented to you. This last part I specifically write for my dear Christian folk.

       For years, as a young man struggling with my faith over the years, I have challenged many things. Some things never cease to amaze in being real to me and other things I have found to be either rubbish and completely unimportant towards the end means of a life in pursuit of spiritual harmony, love and sanctity. It's been over 12 years since I decided to walk the path of Christian faith and quite honestly, I have challenged the status quo most Pentecostals make towards things that are overemphasized (such as physical and cosmetic appearance) and the excessive reliance of a human authority all the while neglecting the fact that at the pearly gates it isn't a man we answer to but a Divine Human Being (should you welcome this belief). I have even challenged and put myself in opposition about how many Conservatives treat people that may not connect, agree or believe in our faith. Last I checked, if any Christian wants to be able to have reasonable open communication about the Christ they supposedly worship, it is imperative that they follow Rule #1. Love one another (John 13.34-35, look up any version, it tells you the same message). Where there is demonstration of genuine, compassionate love the way the Jesus that is worshipped is demonstrated, the walls will go down, even if by a little and then the expression and explanations begin. Even if others may not agree, it is no reason to treat them as though they are beneath us. The Era of Repent or Die came and went with Christ's resurrection. Do Christians traditionally believe in a return, judgement and renewal of this world into a new one? Yes -- however, if your motive for following Christ is out of fear of some doom or punishment, perhaps you need to check your motive.

       Here's a nice comparison I was once given. The cat tends to be very wary of its surroundings, nearly to thep oint of suspicion and even fear. The dog, when seeing its master, who takes care of him/her, they come running and as foolish it may be, they run towards the master with very little to no regard towards their surroundings or obstacles. Think about those scenarios and then think about the nature of your relationship with the God you supposedly believe in.