So I'm sitting here and just thinking and thinking a lot. I think the first thing I'll bring up here will have to do with questions. Everyone who has, are or will be my friends all know that I'm a young man of faith. Granted, not exactly the best of them (that I know of) but one nevertheless. Yet, despite how, after all these years, although I've never been one to question God or have many questions, I confess that I have my questions.
I still am at unrest as to why he took Bernice. I may have the more concrete idea about it but I still haven't been able to move on. Part of me died with her. I still wonder why I always felt I'd die of young age, why I thought I'd never see the woman I'd grow old with, why I'll live and die as an outcast, why I sometimes feel restless and why I would feel like I'd never see the success I always dreamed and fantasized about. Sure, whatever happens happens but whatever happens God is in control but I still have questions. I don't bicker about when the Earth was made, if there were dinosaurs, if history is political, etc. I'm talking about the important things. I know, God has everything in His hands but I still want to understand why he lets certain things happen. I want to know why He's protected me and others from so many things in this world while others are pinned down and forced to experienced many unasked evils. I know God's ways are higher than ours but I'd like to understand them, even if it takes a lifetime.
The other thing that's kept dancing in my head is the word forgiveness. It's probably one of the harder things to do in life. There are many things we may be exceptionally good at -- our jobs, education, art, music, sports, speaking, the list goes on. But to forgive, holy crap! It seems to be a task for some of us. The one thing about it that continues to echo are the words, "just forgive". An unforgiving spirit will tear your identity apart. It claws at you like a demonic beast, leaving you in constant unrest. It, at times, has left me unable to sleep right. It causes time to move slow and for joy to diminish. So here it goes -- I forgive you, all of you. Whatever you've done, however you've done it, it's forgiven. I will simply only say that I'm sorry if I held anything against you, ignited any malcontent towards me because of any actions. My hatchet is buried, how about yours?
I still am at unrest as to why he took Bernice. I may have the more concrete idea about it but I still haven't been able to move on. Part of me died with her. I still wonder why I always felt I'd die of young age, why I thought I'd never see the woman I'd grow old with, why I'll live and die as an outcast, why I sometimes feel restless and why I would feel like I'd never see the success I always dreamed and fantasized about. Sure, whatever happens happens but whatever happens God is in control but I still have questions. I don't bicker about when the Earth was made, if there were dinosaurs, if history is political, etc. I'm talking about the important things. I know, God has everything in His hands but I still want to understand why he lets certain things happen. I want to know why He's protected me and others from so many things in this world while others are pinned down and forced to experienced many unasked evils. I know God's ways are higher than ours but I'd like to understand them, even if it takes a lifetime.
The other thing that's kept dancing in my head is the word forgiveness. It's probably one of the harder things to do in life. There are many things we may be exceptionally good at -- our jobs, education, art, music, sports, speaking, the list goes on. But to forgive, holy crap! It seems to be a task for some of us. The one thing about it that continues to echo are the words, "just forgive". An unforgiving spirit will tear your identity apart. It claws at you like a demonic beast, leaving you in constant unrest. It, at times, has left me unable to sleep right. It causes time to move slow and for joy to diminish. So here it goes -- I forgive you, all of you. Whatever you've done, however you've done it, it's forgiven. I will simply only say that I'm sorry if I held anything against you, ignited any malcontent towards me because of any actions. My hatchet is buried, how about yours?
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