Insomnia the Sleepless Brain.

Yep, 3am and in some cases, known as the devil's hour. This is possibly the fourth day in a row that I'm struggling with insomnia -- or at least bursts of it. In the process, lots of thoughts clutter and race through my mind -- about the past, present and not so distant future. Perhaps it's the restlessness talking but...ever wondered about the possibility of when one thing is left that somehow, down the line, you end up back to an unresolved area? It's just a thought, nothing more...even though I can break that down to a point that's absurd.

Meanwhile, I've been revisiting a certain place in my past -- an area that's been a thorn until now. Yep, Pentecostals never saw the last of me. I thought they did but apparently that's not the case. There have been a few gigs where I've been called in as a hired gun on my guitar and hey, one always goes in ready. Of course, in my jeans (or sweats) and some flannel (or some t-shirt) -- looking like I jumped out of 90's Seattle! Indeed, things have changed in the past 10 years. No longer is a guy like me looked upon as some heathen. I guess they learned to push some image to the side and be more open to seeing the fruits of a person's character. I can honestly say that now I don't have to keep etched in my mind the preconceived notion that it has been me vs. them anymore. Turns out that people do change in time, as well as how they perceive.

I went back to reading The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel. I got curious and as soon as I opened the book, I wound up in the chapter, "When you believe in God but won't forgive". Clearly, something's wrong if by chance you wish ill will on someone. There's even more wrong with you when you hold a grudge and especially when you don't forgive. Feel free to say, "ouch!". Don't know about anyone out there but life is too short for me to hold grudges, holding a chip on my shoulder the rest of my life, let alone do something that is, well, not my style -- hate. Thank God that that specific side of me is long gone. I simply cannot hate. Have a sense of pity, love, mercy, sympathy, empathy, anger, frustration and disappointment? Absolutely! Somehow, hate is something that isn't a part of me anymore. Love your neighbor as yourself as they say. Forgive them, pray for them, at peace with them. Heck, it's been said that if you say you love God but hate your own brother, you're a liar and a murderer -- and we all know what's up with people that have a heart tainted with such a thing. It's like a freaking cancer to the point that you self-destruct slowly to the point that you're no longer yourself (mostly) and before you know it, it's a fight to either regain what makes you the person who you are or a journey towards positive change.

I may not be known to counsel but motivating is something I do with joy and I hope someone out there got something out of this.